I've been hard on myself lately. At first, I celebrated because my physical recovery from labor and birth was easier than with my firstborn. I assumed that since it was easier, all the other things would also come quickly - like fitting back into regular pants.
And I've been disappointed and frustrated. I gained weight on my hips and thighs during this pregnancy, whereas I had not when I carried my son. It will be a longer process of exercise and healthy eating to get this weight off, and for now, it's not very possible for me to get much extra exercise in! And I'm sleep deprived and fighting a cold, so I'm resting as much as I can. Not a very helpful situation that way!
In the meantime, my husband has continued to praise me and say he loves the way I look. He likes the yoga pants. It's okay that I'm not the same shape. He loves me.
I know that I am loved and that my body did a beautiful thing in giving life to this little girl, and that it continues to do an amazing thing in nourishing her and providing the comfort she and her big brother need. The loads of laundry, hugs, diaper changes, clothing changes, swaddles, tossing footballs, coloring with crayons, cooking meals, wiping faces and dozens of messes are my gift to my children and my husband. Their clean faces and content smiles are the evidence of the work my body has done for them. Why should I be so hard on myself that it's not the shape I had hoped so soon?
I need patience and grace to wait and work through this time. I need to focus on the little things, the beautiful, good, wonderful things. The pounds gained by my chubby little cherub. The smiles and silly laughs of my toddler. The hugs and reassurance of my husband. The love and support of friends. The beauty of redemption and self sacrifice.
Breathing and trusting that things will be well. That all things are beautiful in their time, and that I will again reach my personal goals. All will be well.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Monday, February 23, 2015
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Mara's birth story
We're so happy to welcome our sweet daughter to our family! Little Mara Grace has been with us for almost four weeks now - unbelievable.
I have rather prompt children, I guess! Both my son and my daughter were born on their due dates, an experience that I'm told is rather rare.
On Friday the 16th, I had my 40 week obgyn appointment. My due date was Saturday, January 17th, and my doctor said she would sweep my membranes to try to get things moving. It was painless for me, which was great! I had a few contractions after that and throughout the evening, but they were inconsistent. My mom had come into town, as she had planned, and we had a nice time together. It was good for her to follow Joshua's regular schedule with me, as she would be caring for him when we left for the hospital.
I awoke at about 5:30 the following morning to real contractions. Time-able. Had to breathe through them. I woke Brad and had him pass me his phone so I could download and use a contraction timer app. As I breathed through the pain, the first words that came to mind were these from Isaiah 41:10: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Over and over. I focused on those words of truth and felt peace settle over me through the pain. God is my strength. He is my help. He holds me. Do not fear.
I timed for about an hour before I realized that the contractions were already between three and five minutes apart - time to get to the hospital!
Meanwhile, Joshie and Nana had already gotten up and started breakfast. The smell of coffee was familiar and comforting, reminding me of my childhood. I don't drink coffee, but it was calming. So good to have my mom here.
I dressed myself between contractions and got downstairs to the armchair to wait for the on-call doctor to return my call and to tell me to come to the hospital. I waited and breathed and centered myself on the scripture. Joshua looked over at me from the breakfast table and wondered if Mommy was okay. Mommy's belly hurts, I said. But everything is okay. The baby will come out today, and the doctor will help. Mommy and Daddy will go to the doctor, and baby sister will come out.
The ride to the hospital was a mere 20 minutes, but felt so long with contractions every three minutes or so. And oh, was it cold! But it was a clear, sunny day, with passable roads. Just what I had prayed for. And I remained peaceful.
The triage experience was less than fun. They require a urine sample as soon as I set foot in the door. That was difficult to manage during my frequent contractions! Then the belly monitors were put on me for a fetal non-stress test and to time my contractions. As I waited for that, they also tried to insert an IV. And failed. It took three attempts and two different locations and two different nurses to get my IV started! So frustrating. It became difficult to focus and center myself with the bright lights, people talking to me through contractions, and the extra pain from the needle pricks. And I was already at 4.5cm dilated - all on my own, with no drugs. I felt proud of that, but was already beginning to feel less than strong. It was probably about 45 minutes there in triage before we were taken to a birthing/recovery room and I was given a steroid to take the edge off my pain.
Since things were seeming to progress quickly, my epidural was started by about 8:30am. Instant relief. The anesthesiologist who gave the epidural was calming, confident, and quick. I felt so much better and slept a bit. I was able to read a book and text and laugh - and didn't feel a single contraction - until the insertion point got bumped and started to come out. I ended up needing a second epidural.
My water did not break for hours and hours; the baby was sitting so high, and hadn't descended into my pelvis to cause the water to break. The doctors didn't want to rupture it for me, as it could've caused the umbilical cord to get stuck in the birth canal and cause a dangerous situation for the baby. So we waited. And waited. The nurses were wonderful about helping me.
I was fully dilated by early afternoon, but was not allowed to push because of the baby's position. I was getting frustrated and tired, and felt emotional. I asked to sit upright, and had my feet lowered. A couple hours later, my water finally broke on its own, and things began to move quickly.
By 8pm, it was time. Nurses brought in the delivery items, spread out instruments on the tables, and laid out smocks for the doctor and nurse practitioner. The baby's isolette was brought in, as was the scale and other items to clean her up when she was born.
At 8:15pm, I began to push. Not more than eight pushes and four contractions later, little Mara Grace was born at 8:31pm! The cord was around her neck, so it had to be cut early. I'm glad for the doctor's quick attention to her and to keeping me safe, too. I didn't tear at all, and didn't have to have any stitches this time. So thankful.
Mara was whisked to the table and dried vigorously, and then she began to cry. What a strong cry! She was adamant about wanting to nurse. She weighed in at 7lbs, 12oz, and was 20.5" long. As soon as she was ready, I started to nurse her. And she nursed for an hour and a half! Poor Daddy didn't get to hold her for that long. He made many phone calls, though, and was elated when he finally got to hold his little princess.
I have rather prompt children, I guess! Both my son and my daughter were born on their due dates, an experience that I'm told is rather rare.
On Friday the 16th, I had my 40 week obgyn appointment. My due date was Saturday, January 17th, and my doctor said she would sweep my membranes to try to get things moving. It was painless for me, which was great! I had a few contractions after that and throughout the evening, but they were inconsistent. My mom had come into town, as she had planned, and we had a nice time together. It was good for her to follow Joshua's regular schedule with me, as she would be caring for him when we left for the hospital.
I awoke at about 5:30 the following morning to real contractions. Time-able. Had to breathe through them. I woke Brad and had him pass me his phone so I could download and use a contraction timer app. As I breathed through the pain, the first words that came to mind were these from Isaiah 41:10: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Over and over. I focused on those words of truth and felt peace settle over me through the pain. God is my strength. He is my help. He holds me. Do not fear.
I timed for about an hour before I realized that the contractions were already between three and five minutes apart - time to get to the hospital!
Meanwhile, Joshie and Nana had already gotten up and started breakfast. The smell of coffee was familiar and comforting, reminding me of my childhood. I don't drink coffee, but it was calming. So good to have my mom here.
I dressed myself between contractions and got downstairs to the armchair to wait for the on-call doctor to return my call and to tell me to come to the hospital. I waited and breathed and centered myself on the scripture. Joshua looked over at me from the breakfast table and wondered if Mommy was okay. Mommy's belly hurts, I said. But everything is okay. The baby will come out today, and the doctor will help. Mommy and Daddy will go to the doctor, and baby sister will come out.
The ride to the hospital was a mere 20 minutes, but felt so long with contractions every three minutes or so. And oh, was it cold! But it was a clear, sunny day, with passable roads. Just what I had prayed for. And I remained peaceful.
The triage experience was less than fun. They require a urine sample as soon as I set foot in the door. That was difficult to manage during my frequent contractions! Then the belly monitors were put on me for a fetal non-stress test and to time my contractions. As I waited for that, they also tried to insert an IV. And failed. It took three attempts and two different locations and two different nurses to get my IV started! So frustrating. It became difficult to focus and center myself with the bright lights, people talking to me through contractions, and the extra pain from the needle pricks. And I was already at 4.5cm dilated - all on my own, with no drugs. I felt proud of that, but was already beginning to feel less than strong. It was probably about 45 minutes there in triage before we were taken to a birthing/recovery room and I was given a steroid to take the edge off my pain.
Since things were seeming to progress quickly, my epidural was started by about 8:30am. Instant relief. The anesthesiologist who gave the epidural was calming, confident, and quick. I felt so much better and slept a bit. I was able to read a book and text and laugh - and didn't feel a single contraction - until the insertion point got bumped and started to come out. I ended up needing a second epidural.
My water did not break for hours and hours; the baby was sitting so high, and hadn't descended into my pelvis to cause the water to break. The doctors didn't want to rupture it for me, as it could've caused the umbilical cord to get stuck in the birth canal and cause a dangerous situation for the baby. So we waited. And waited. The nurses were wonderful about helping me.
I was fully dilated by early afternoon, but was not allowed to push because of the baby's position. I was getting frustrated and tired, and felt emotional. I asked to sit upright, and had my feet lowered. A couple hours later, my water finally broke on its own, and things began to move quickly.
By 8pm, it was time. Nurses brought in the delivery items, spread out instruments on the tables, and laid out smocks for the doctor and nurse practitioner. The baby's isolette was brought in, as was the scale and other items to clean her up when she was born.
Mara was whisked to the table and dried vigorously, and then she began to cry. What a strong cry! She was adamant about wanting to nurse. She weighed in at 7lbs, 12oz, and was 20.5" long. As soon as she was ready, I started to nurse her. And she nursed for an hour and a half! Poor Daddy didn't get to hold her for that long. He made many phone calls, though, and was elated when he finally got to hold his little princess.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
warm hearts
I've been doing some small projects as I wait for our baby girl to be born! It's helpful to distract myself with something creative when I'm feeling so ready to greet this sweet little one.
For a long time now, I've wavered between giving away and keeping a certain pink wool zip-up hoodie I've had at least since my freshman year of college. It's cute, cozy, and the perfect fit...and I've worn the elbows to death. I darned them multiple times, and it just was not working anymore. I'm not really into elbow patches, so that option was out. So I kept the sweater. And tossed it between the "mend" and "give away" piles. Until a couple evenings ago.
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Joshie and I came in from a very cold day in the snow last Monday, and I heated up my big rice pack for him to warm his hands and to keep him snuggled on the couch for a few minutes. It was hard for him to hold the large hot pack, but he was soon warm enough to be happy. That sparked my thoughts...maybe he needs his own hot pack!
I also recently saw that a friend (and relative) of mine made a small hot pack for her preemie's belly; it has helped his tummy troubles to subside and allowed him to sleep! Baby Center also recommends a warm pack like that for soothing colic in newborns, and I thought I should make one.
The final push to get this little project done came when I saw someone's adorable heart-shaped rice packs, and I had to give it a go! I honestly don't remember where I saw it, so if it was you, please know that you inspired me.
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Would you like to make some, too? They're quick and easy, and you can make them in any shape you'd like!
You'll need:
Paper for creating a pattern
Dry rice (not quick rice)
Funnel
Spoon
Sewing machine
Scissors
Essential oil or dried lavender, if desired
A natural fiber fabric (cotton, wool, etc.)
Note: I used two fabrics, a wool sweater for the outside, and a 100% cotton tee shirt fabric (jersey) for the inside. You really only need one, but my wool sweater was worn very thin and needed some more structure.
Use your paper to create a simple shape for your pattern. I chose a heart shape, but it would be just as functional to cut a square, triangle, circle...or you could get fancy and do something else!
Cut two fabric pieces for each hot pack, and stack them with wrong sides (inside of fabric) together.
Using a zig-zag stitch, sew almost all the way around your fabric sandwich, leaving about 1" of the perimeter unsewn.
Using your funnel, spoon rice into your hot pack. My 4" hearts needed about 4T of rice each to feel full enough. You should have enough room to be able to shift the rice around a bit; don't stuff too firmly. At this point, you could also include dried lavender or a few drops of essential oil, if you'd like a scent other than warm rice.
Remove the funnel and sew up the opening of the hot pack. Be sure to start on top of the existing stitching so that there's less chance of the stitches unraveling.
Trim your edges close to the stitching so that they look neat.
Microwave for about 30 seconds on high and enjoy!
For a long time now, I've wavered between giving away and keeping a certain pink wool zip-up hoodie I've had at least since my freshman year of college. It's cute, cozy, and the perfect fit...and I've worn the elbows to death. I darned them multiple times, and it just was not working anymore. I'm not really into elbow patches, so that option was out. So I kept the sweater. And tossed it between the "mend" and "give away" piles. Until a couple evenings ago.
I also recently saw that a friend (and relative) of mine made a small hot pack for her preemie's belly; it has helped his tummy troubles to subside and allowed him to sleep! Baby Center also recommends a warm pack like that for soothing colic in newborns, and I thought I should make one.
The final push to get this little project done came when I saw someone's adorable heart-shaped rice packs, and I had to give it a go! I honestly don't remember where I saw it, so if it was you, please know that you inspired me.
Would you like to make some, too? They're quick and easy, and you can make them in any shape you'd like!
You'll need:
Paper for creating a pattern
Dry rice (not quick rice)
Funnel
Spoon
Sewing machine
Scissors
Essential oil or dried lavender, if desired
A natural fiber fabric (cotton, wool, etc.)
Note: I used two fabrics, a wool sweater for the outside, and a 100% cotton tee shirt fabric (jersey) for the inside. You really only need one, but my wool sweater was worn very thin and needed some more structure.
Use your paper to create a simple shape for your pattern. I chose a heart shape, but it would be just as functional to cut a square, triangle, circle...or you could get fancy and do something else!
Cut two fabric pieces for each hot pack, and stack them with wrong sides (inside of fabric) together.
Using a zig-zag stitch, sew almost all the way around your fabric sandwich, leaving about 1" of the perimeter unsewn.
Using your funnel, spoon rice into your hot pack. My 4" hearts needed about 4T of rice each to feel full enough. You should have enough room to be able to shift the rice around a bit; don't stuff too firmly. At this point, you could also include dried lavender or a few drops of essential oil, if you'd like a scent other than warm rice.
Remove the funnel and sew up the opening of the hot pack. Be sure to start on top of the existing stitching so that there's less chance of the stitches unraveling.
Trim your edges close to the stitching so that they look neat.
Microwave for about 30 seconds on high and enjoy!
Friday, December 12, 2014
Two
Joshua is two!
It's unbelievable, really. My tiny baby is now a 35.5" tall, 25lb, talking and toilet trained toddler. What?!
The morning of his birthday, he had birthday pancakes. We sang the "Happy Birthday" song to him, and he got to blow out candles for the first time! He has been saying "Happy birthday Joshua, I blow fire," ever since. Too
Later in the morning on his birthday, some of our neighborhood friends stopped by with a gift for Joshua: a new dump truck! They also stayed and played for a little while, and enjoyed reading a book together with "Grandma Sue."
On Saturday, Nana and Grandpa were here all day! There was much playing, reading, jumping, and even a trip to Trader Joe's and Five Guys for lunch.
He loves tractors and construction vehicles lately, so his party had
to be full of tractors. I made cupcakes and a pan of brownies to stand
in for a cake. Yes, I did buy the wrong boxed mix at the store. Hazard
of shopping with said toddler.
"Digger" tractors like
backhoes are his favorite, so I mixed up some yellow frosting and piped
that onto the brownies. I crumbled some Wegman's brand "oreo" cookies
into the front loader to stand in for rocks and dirt. Dirt was one of
Joshie's clearest first words. A sign, perhaps?
Joshua again enjoyed having people sing to him, and the opportunity to "blow fire" with Daddy.
Joshie was excited about the paint he got from Brad and me, and asked to paint right away. That was a no-go, but he did get to play with the set of construction vehicles that Aunt Elizabeth sent! He didn't let go of the "digger" tractor for about four days straight, even taking it to bed and naps with him.
We had
Joshua's good friend, Jo (and his parents and sister, of course), over for the party, and all of Joshua's grandparents
were all able to be there this year. Much fun was had by all!
Still can't believe we've been parents for two years, and that our second sweet blessing is coming so soon!
It's unbelievable, really. My tiny baby is now a 35.5" tall, 25lb, talking and toilet trained toddler. What?!
The morning of his birthday, he had birthday pancakes. We sang the "Happy Birthday" song to him, and he got to blow out candles for the first time! He has been saying "Happy birthday Joshua, I blow fire," ever since. Too
Later in the morning on his birthday, some of our neighborhood friends stopped by with a gift for Joshua: a new dump truck! They also stayed and played for a little while, and enjoyed reading a book together with "Grandma Sue."
Joshie was excited about the paint he got from Brad and me, and asked to paint right away. That was a no-go, but he did get to play with the set of construction vehicles that Aunt Elizabeth sent! He didn't let go of the "digger" tractor for about four days straight, even taking it to bed and naps with him.
| please note that Joshua and the tractors are inseparable |
Monday, November 3, 2014
baby girl frills
I've been dreaming of putting flowers and bows and sparkly accessories on my baby girl since the first moment I found out about her!
A few weeks ago, I picked up some fold-over elastic at Jo-Ann Fabrics and tucked it into my sewing box. It really has taken this long for me to make it to the actual crafting stage. Life with a toddler, friends! It's beautiful, messy, full, crazy, hard, wonderful, and too busy most days for crafting.
But, today, I did a little bit.
Behold, the polka dot and floral cuteness:
Also, ignore the poor quality phone photo. This is life, currently - can't always pick up my nice camera!
What do you think? I can't wait to put it on my sweet baby girl!
A few weeks ago, I picked up some fold-over elastic at Jo-Ann Fabrics and tucked it into my sewing box. It really has taken this long for me to make it to the actual crafting stage. Life with a toddler, friends! It's beautiful, messy, full, crazy, hard, wonderful, and too busy most days for crafting.
But, today, I did a little bit.
Behold, the polka dot and floral cuteness:
What do you think? I can't wait to put it on my sweet baby girl!
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
our life right now
Our life is changing, along with the seasons. Joshua can say more words clearly, my belly grows larger, and my husband continues to excel at his job, too. We found, or rather, a car fell into our laps, and we were able to purchase it. We somehow, suddenly, have a second vehicle, a second car seat, and I can take Joshua out for the day. The little guy started showing an interest in toilet training, so he's doing that, too. And to top it all off? Our little tiny baby is not a second son, but a daughter. A girl!
Talk about a change! Bring on the glitter, flowers, frills, tea parties, and dollies. This momma is so excited.
And I am embracing every solo moment with my sweet, kind little boy. Exploring outside, learning about dirt, rocks, and tractors, playing with his little friends. Even when he has an accident on the floor or an untimely tantrum. No, those are not fun moments, but they pass so quickly. And he needs me to be invested in him, not in what he does. I am trying. I wake each day and pray for strength and wisdom to meet the challenges of the day. This song comes to mind, and sometimes I sing it to Joshie at bedtime for his lullaby:
Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here.
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,
I've no cause for worry or for fear.
He whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best.
Lovingly, it's part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.
Every day, the Lord himself is near me,
With a special mercy for each hour.
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He whose name is Counselor and Power.
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on himself He laid.
As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure -
This the pledge to me He made.
Help me, then, in every tribulation,
So to trust thy promises, O Lord.
That I lose not faith's sweet consolation
Offered me within thy holy word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take, as from a Father's hand.
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
'Till I reach the promised land.
Talk about a change! Bring on the glitter, flowers, frills, tea parties, and dollies. This momma is so excited.
And I am embracing every solo moment with my sweet, kind little boy. Exploring outside, learning about dirt, rocks, and tractors, playing with his little friends. Even when he has an accident on the floor or an untimely tantrum. No, those are not fun moments, but they pass so quickly. And he needs me to be invested in him, not in what he does. I am trying. I wake each day and pray for strength and wisdom to meet the challenges of the day. This song comes to mind, and sometimes I sing it to Joshie at bedtime for his lullaby:
Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here.
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,
I've no cause for worry or for fear.
He whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best.
Lovingly, it's part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.
Every day, the Lord himself is near me,
With a special mercy for each hour.
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He whose name is Counselor and Power.
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on himself He laid.
As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure -
This the pledge to me He made.
Help me, then, in every tribulation,
So to trust thy promises, O Lord.
That I lose not faith's sweet consolation
Offered me within thy holy word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take, as from a Father's hand.
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
'Till I reach the promised land.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
peanut butter chocolate chip cookies
Oh, yes.
If you know me, you know that for dessert to be dessert, it must have one key ingredient:
CHOCOLATE.
Pie is great. I like cake, for sure. Cookies are delicious. But if given a choice (unless it's Grandma Landin's pie with sugar on top), I will choose the one with chocolate. Every time. Except for when it's Grandma's pie.
That said, these peanut butter cookies have just been elevated from breakfasty-kind-of-cookie to Dessert-Cookie.
The hubby loves oatmeal cookies.
The son loves peanut butter.
I love chocolate.
These cookies are a win.
And? I didn't even tweak the recipe. Not one bit. And I let Joshie stand next to me on chair the whole time and "help" me. The recipe was that easy. It was our rainy day activity. The blah-day remedy. The "fill up a half hour so my son doesn't fall apart because of teething pain" diversion.
What recipe, you ask?
This one. Half brown sugar, half granulated. Butter. Peanut butter. (or "buttah-buttah," as my son calls it) Vanilla. Flour. Baking soda. Salt. Quick oats. CHOCOLATE CHIPS.
I love when a recipe has all simple, everyday ingredients but turns out so deliciously. Mmmm. Nobody ruin my bliss by telling me about empty calories, processed sugar, blah blah blah. I'll go running tomorrow. No, for real. I will. After I eat another cookie.
Go make these! Now. Go.
If you know me, you know that for dessert to be dessert, it must have one key ingredient:
CHOCOLATE.
Pie is great. I like cake, for sure. Cookies are delicious. But if given a choice (unless it's Grandma Landin's pie with sugar on top), I will choose the one with chocolate. Every time. Except for when it's Grandma's pie.
That said, these peanut butter cookies have just been elevated from breakfasty-kind-of-cookie to Dessert-Cookie.
The hubby loves oatmeal cookies.
The son loves peanut butter.
I love chocolate.
These cookies are a win.
And? I didn't even tweak the recipe. Not one bit. And I let Joshie stand next to me on chair the whole time and "help" me. The recipe was that easy. It was our rainy day activity. The blah-day remedy. The "fill up a half hour so my son doesn't fall apart because of teething pain" diversion.
What recipe, you ask?
This one. Half brown sugar, half granulated. Butter. Peanut butter. (or "buttah-buttah," as my son calls it) Vanilla. Flour. Baking soda. Salt. Quick oats. CHOCOLATE CHIPS.
I love when a recipe has all simple, everyday ingredients but turns out so deliciously. Mmmm. Nobody ruin my bliss by telling me about empty calories, processed sugar, blah blah blah. I'll go running tomorrow. No, for real. I will. After I eat another cookie.
Go make these! Now. Go.
Monday, March 3, 2014
little things
Little, tiny fingers, curling up and reaching toward me, just begging for tickles - love this.
The sweet birdie foot prints in the freshly fallen snow around the porch
A kiss from my sweet little boy
A warm house where we make our home
Cookies from my mom
Internet radio on my phone
Giggles from that ticklish toddler boy
Pretty love-themed decorations packed away for next February
March/Easter - themed decorations ready to be lovingly placed
Reminders of how much I am loved - handwritten notes, calls, thoughtful gestures
There is so much to be thankful for! Why is it so easy to miss this in the long, long days, while we count down the hours to bedtime and wonder what we might try to accomplish while the little one plays?
Trying to be conscious of the many blessings, and to be thankful. And to teach my son to do the same.
The sweet birdie foot prints in the freshly fallen snow around the porch
A kiss from my sweet little boy
A warm house where we make our home
Cookies from my mom
Internet radio on my phone
Giggles from that ticklish toddler boy
Pretty love-themed decorations packed away for next February
March/Easter - themed decorations ready to be lovingly placed
Reminders of how much I am loved - handwritten notes, calls, thoughtful gestures
There is so much to be thankful for! Why is it so easy to miss this in the long, long days, while we count down the hours to bedtime and wonder what we might try to accomplish while the little one plays?
Trying to be conscious of the many blessings, and to be thankful. And to teach my son to do the same.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Joshua's first birthday
Whew, a year has come and gone! Joshua is ONE!
I started party planning back in August, I think, with this Pinterest board. I hope you can see that...let me know if you have trouble with the link.
First, a theme: rockets! How fun for a little guy, right? I thought so. And hey, I get to pick, since he's not telling me what he wants just yet ;)
I figured I'd make a rocket cake, stick with red and blue as theme colors, and maybe go with some galactic symbols here and there: stars, planets, aliens? Big brainstorm time.
In my planning, I also wrote a poem for his birthday invitation, which looked like this, thanks to some conveniently free clip art included in Publisher:
Ta-da! Now we're rolling.
So, now for some pictures of the day.
The rocket cake was made out of a 9"x11" sheet cake (funfetti, of course). I trimmed the cake into the body of the rocket, and then used the scraps to form the wings on the sides of the rocket. The jets were yellow cake cupcakes in foil cups, frosted with red and orange frosting to look fiery. I used a regular vanilla buttercream recipe for the frosting, tinting it with Wilton's gel paste food coloring as needed. Please note that it matches the rocket on the invitation; I was so happy with how it turned out!
The rest of the yellow cake cupcakes, one of which was reserved for the birthday boy, were frosted in the same white vanilla buttercream, and sprinkled with blue sugar. Those are Hershey's kisses in the background, and one of our blue table runners from our wedding reception underneath.
Joshua holds onto a willing hand to walk around the house and visit guests. So sweet. Also, he was pretty much permanently attached to that balloon.
I kept the menu simple, with fresh fruit (thank you, Grandma Burr), a little veggie tray, crackers and cheese, and the desserts, of course. In the corner of the photo, you can see my star banner that I made! I wish I had a better photo of that, but forgot to take a good picture. We also decorated with pictures of Joshua from each month of his life, hung on a white cotton string with clothespins. There was also a banner of blue and silvery-blue triangles that we used at my baby shower for Joshua just over a year ago.
Happy birthday, big guy! We love you so much.
I started party planning back in August, I think, with this Pinterest board. I hope you can see that...let me know if you have trouble with the link.
First, a theme: rockets! How fun for a little guy, right? I thought so. And hey, I get to pick, since he's not telling me what he wants just yet ;)
I figured I'd make a rocket cake, stick with red and blue as theme colors, and maybe go with some galactic symbols here and there: stars, planets, aliens? Big brainstorm time.
In my planning, I also wrote a poem for his birthday invitation, which looked like this, thanks to some conveniently free clip art included in Publisher:
So, now for some pictures of the day.
We gave Joshua his first-ever balloons to play with. Closely supervised, of course.
 |
I made star-shaped sugar cookie cutouts for the take-home gift for our guests.
First cake ever. Clearly, a big hit.
Yes. The cake was satisfactory.
A worn out birthday boy and two happy parents, celebrating one whole year! Also, more of that star banner I mentioned.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
firsts
Our first year as parents is almost over! Our sweet little guy will be one year old in just a few days, and it's so hard to believe. We have so much to be thankful for. Mercy upon mercy. Grace upon grace. So many blessings, achings, joys, sorrows, exhilarations, fears.
Joshua's first Thanksgiving was a cozy family gathering with his paternal grandparents. I completely forgot to take any pictures, and the camera stayed in the car the whole time! I'm pretty disappointed about that. We enjoyed a warm, play-filled couple of days by the fireplace, with snow falling outside and delicious dinners inside. There was a trip to a local tree nursery to see their decorated Christmas trees, and a brisk excursion to a small-town parade with Santa at the end. There were lots of stories and jokes told, a few rounds of Skip-Bo, and quite a few sweets.
We are blessed. Home, family, friends, safety, health, warmth, love.
Remembering the little things, and thanking the beyond-comprehension God who orchestrates it all and loves us more than we could possibly imagine.
Joshua's first Thanksgiving was a cozy family gathering with his paternal grandparents. I completely forgot to take any pictures, and the camera stayed in the car the whole time! I'm pretty disappointed about that. We enjoyed a warm, play-filled couple of days by the fireplace, with snow falling outside and delicious dinners inside. There was a trip to a local tree nursery to see their decorated Christmas trees, and a brisk excursion to a small-town parade with Santa at the end. There were lots of stories and jokes told, a few rounds of Skip-Bo, and quite a few sweets.
We are blessed. Home, family, friends, safety, health, warmth, love.
Remembering the little things, and thanking the beyond-comprehension God who orchestrates it all and loves us more than we could possibly imagine.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
eleven
Eleven months feels like a momentous occasion. The penultimate to one year, the end of infancy, the beginning of many more adventures.
My little one is on the brink of walking, has six teeth, loves to clap, eats anything we're eating (mostly), and still has yet to sleep through the night, but we're trying!
Oh, how he has won our hearts.
My little one is on the brink of walking, has six teeth, loves to clap, eats anything we're eating (mostly), and still has yet to sleep through the night, but we're trying!
Oh, how he has won our hearts.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Six months.
Unbelievably, it has been six months. Six whole months that we've had this beautiful baby boy outside my belly, six months of sleepless nights, six months of parenthood filled with spitup, smiles, soiled clothes, and surprises - so much more than we could have imagined.
And our hearts are full.
Here are some pictures of the sweetness, himself:
And more:
Standing with help
Jumping whenever the opportunity presents itself
Beginning to prefer Mommy and Daddy
Sleeping 3-4 hour stretches at night, but usually 3
Tried cereal for the first time - not a fan
Cooing and "singing"
Jumping/stomping/tapping in rhythm to music (Yes, really. He is the son of musicians!)
And we love him more each day. Our precious baby Joshua.
And our hearts are full.
Here are some pictures of the sweetness, himself:
Trying the pool for the first time
Enjoying the sand and sun at the ocean
And wading in the tiniest waves with Daddy
Reaching for toys, and anything within sight
Grabbing his toes
He has been sitting up a little better on his own
Smiling at everyone
Teething like crazy!
And more:
Standing with help
Jumping whenever the opportunity presents itself
Beginning to prefer Mommy and Daddy
Sleeping 3-4 hour stretches at night, but usually 3
Tried cereal for the first time - not a fan
Cooing and "singing"
Jumping/stomping/tapping in rhythm to music (Yes, really. He is the son of musicians!)
And we love him more each day. Our precious baby Joshua.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Joshua's baby dedication
Joshua was dedicated in our church today! That means that we, as his parents, promised to live our lives in a way that helps him to see the difference that Jesus makes to us, and that we'll consistently teach him about Jesus. It also means that our church family promised to help us as we walk this journey as parents, and as Joshua grows up.
Here is the letter I wrote for Joshua to read someday, when he's old enough to understand:
Here is the letter I wrote for Joshua to read someday, when he's old enough to understand:
5/19/13, 5 months and two weeks
Dear Joshua,
This morning was your dedication to the Lord! We are so thankful for you,
our son. We brought you to the 9:00am service at Grace Road Church in
Rochester, where we’ve been attending for the past year. You always seem to
love the music and the many faces we see each time. Your Grandma and Grandpa
Burr and your Nana and Grandpa Landin were able to be there, and they were so
excited to see you!
You snuggled with Grandma Burr for much of the service, and
you enjoyed hanging out with Grandpa Landin and Nana when you woke up. Pastor
Kevin preached from Mark 12:35-44, and reminded us that following Jesus means
to lay down our whole lives and to trust his leadership. You wore an adorable
outfit that Nana Landin made for you, complete with a cute little hat.
You were
so well behaved, smiling and cooing as we arrived, falling asleep during the
sermon (in Grandma Burr’s arms), and waking up happily, just in time for your
dedication and the final songs.
We sang “How Great Thou Art,” “All the Poor and
Powerless,” “Oh, Our Lord,” (both by the group All Sons and Daughters) and “In Christ Alone.” (Getty &
Townend) We had delicious cake after church, too! Your Daddy read this in church this morning as we dedicated you:
"Since we found out about you, we've prayed that God would make you a
strong leader for his kingdom, like your biblical namesake. We pray that you'll
always follow God's leading and trust Him completely. We love your frequent
smiles and your boundless energy; may you use both to encourage and strengthen
those in need.
We hope that you'll see in us not just how much we love you, but that we
love Jesus. We pray that as we teach and guide you that we will give you grace,
just as we have been given boundless grace through Christ Jesus. May our words
and actions clearly show you how to live for Him.
We hope that our marriage displays love, faithfulness, forgiveness and
integrity as we seek to honor God with our commitment to each other and to our
family. "
We love you, baby Joshua!
Friday, May 17, 2013
little things: busy edition
bah. We've been so busy lately, and I really don't like it. All good things, but so busy.
Brad has had frisbee and hockey games on the same night. Small group is another evening. This weekend we have concerts on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
Our weekends have been full of house repairs and remodels.
We've traveled soooo much.
I'm tired.
It's just hard to stay positive when I feel so drained, when babysitters aren't available, when I might have to back out of a commitment. It's hard to share a car, pinch pennies and decide what we don't need until pay day, and to wait. I'm trying to still my heart and listen for what God might want to teach me through this, for how he might strengthen me to face what it is that I must do. And for wisdom to do it well.
But, we have everything we need. Food, warmth, love, shelter. Family, friends, comfort, safety. A working car. Some money in the bank. Each other.
God is good, even in the middle of my stress. "Oh, for grace to trust Him more."
So, here are some little things.
1. Brad took us to the Rochester, NY Lilac Festival for part of my Mother's Day gift.
2. He also bought me a gorgeous orchid.
3. Our new house is slowly decluttering as I put boxes in the attic and unpack. I'm working on it slowly as the baby naps and I have the energy to unpack. I'm trying to be okay with the corners of chaos. I am thankful for our many possessions, though they are many.
4. I love the sunshine that streams in our windows!
5. My baby boy is almost able to sit up on his own, and is such a happy guy most of the time.
6. We will see both my parents and Brad's parents this weekend.
7. We have the opportunity to sing classical music together in a choir again, and it's so fun.
8. I got an encouraging email from a former choir student who is now studying music at a local university.
9. The previous owner of our house planted some perennials I love: bleeding heart flowers and hydrangeas, to name a couple!
10. It's nice enough to let laundry dry outside. Oh! And my laundry machines are in my very own basement. Hooray!
Well, I feel better now. What are you thankful for?
Brad has had frisbee and hockey games on the same night. Small group is another evening. This weekend we have concerts on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
Our weekends have been full of house repairs and remodels.
We've traveled soooo much.
I'm tired.
It's just hard to stay positive when I feel so drained, when babysitters aren't available, when I might have to back out of a commitment. It's hard to share a car, pinch pennies and decide what we don't need until pay day, and to wait. I'm trying to still my heart and listen for what God might want to teach me through this, for how he might strengthen me to face what it is that I must do. And for wisdom to do it well.
But, we have everything we need. Food, warmth, love, shelter. Family, friends, comfort, safety. A working car. Some money in the bank. Each other.
God is good, even in the middle of my stress. "Oh, for grace to trust Him more."
So, here are some little things.
1. Brad took us to the Rochester, NY Lilac Festival for part of my Mother's Day gift.
2. He also bought me a gorgeous orchid.
3. Our new house is slowly decluttering as I put boxes in the attic and unpack. I'm working on it slowly as the baby naps and I have the energy to unpack. I'm trying to be okay with the corners of chaos. I am thankful for our many possessions, though they are many.
4. I love the sunshine that streams in our windows!
5. My baby boy is almost able to sit up on his own, and is such a happy guy most of the time.
6. We will see both my parents and Brad's parents this weekend.
7. We have the opportunity to sing classical music together in a choir again, and it's so fun.
8. I got an encouraging email from a former choir student who is now studying music at a local university.
9. The previous owner of our house planted some perennials I love: bleeding heart flowers and hydrangeas, to name a couple!
10. It's nice enough to let laundry dry outside. Oh! And my laundry machines are in my very own basement. Hooray!
Well, I feel better now. What are you thankful for?
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Joshua by the week
I've been taking pictures of my sweet Joshua baby each week, but haven't been able to post them... See, my laptop's power cord died, and left me with just a bit of battery power, and then... nothing. So now I'm back with a new power cord, all my files, and lots of pictures to share! Yay! Here are the first ten weeks, with one (so hard to decide on just one!) picture per week.
At one week old, Joshua Garron was a lot sleepy, had a head full of soft, light brown hair, and deep blue eyes. His precious little hands and feet were sooo tiny! He was a little bit jaundiced, and we visited the pediatrician three times in one week to watch his growth. We counted each ounce gained as a little victory! We have been so thankful for our little miracle, and for my mom's help as we adjust to this new little life. Joshua's first cousin was born at the end of this week: Tucker Cross, the adorable son of Brad's sister.
Two weeks came so quickly! I fought off an infection and was just starting to feel better, when Brad got the 24-hour flu. He was vomiting every hour for most of the day - such a difficult day! We were so thankful for meals and medicine from our friends, and for Brad's parents coming to help us deal with all the mess and germs. Baby Joshua was happy and healthy, though! He cracks us up with his cute expressions, and he continues to gain weight each day. We went to Buffalo and to Sugar Grove and got to celebrate Christmas as Joshua met so many of his loving relatives.
My tiny baby at three weeks: he still had wrinkly skin on his elbows and knees, just waiting to be plumped up! He began to stretch out his arms and legs, and is so very wiggly. Newborn clothes still seem so big on him! Joshua began to sleep for two or three hour periods at night, but not consistently. Mommy is so tired, but happy.
At four weeks, we began to see a few smiles! Joshua finally made it back up to his birth weight, and we were so excited for him. It's so fun to begin to see more personality from my sweet baby boy.
Joshie is starting to lose his newborn hair! He's still so wrinkly, but is starting to get a bigger belly. We're still so amazed that this precious boy is ours! Joshua also got a special gift on his one month birthday: another new cousin!
Six weeks was the first time that Mommy could put her wedding rings back on - hooray! Joshua is beginning to outgrow newborn outfits in length, but not in width! We're putting more pants and onesie combinations on him, and beginning to pack away the footed outfits.
Joshua loves to "talk" to us! We sing and coo to him all day, and his grandparents are loving the videos we send them of our morning conversations. He's starting to love looking at objects hanging overhead and enjoys his mobile and snugabunny seat for those reasons!
My wiggly baby seems to never stop moving! We swaddle him at nighttime, but he somehow works his arms out of the blanket...little Houdini!
Joshua rolled over from tummy to back for the first time at the end of his tenth week - big boy! He's smiling and cooing more than ever, and we love his little personality. He's also all the way up to 9lbs, 14oz, making Mommy proud!
We love you so much, baby Joshua! You truly are a precious gift.
At one week old, Joshua Garron was a lot sleepy, had a head full of soft, light brown hair, and deep blue eyes. His precious little hands and feet were sooo tiny! He was a little bit jaundiced, and we visited the pediatrician three times in one week to watch his growth. We counted each ounce gained as a little victory! We have been so thankful for our little miracle, and for my mom's help as we adjust to this new little life. Joshua's first cousin was born at the end of this week: Tucker Cross, the adorable son of Brad's sister.
Two weeks came so quickly! I fought off an infection and was just starting to feel better, when Brad got the 24-hour flu. He was vomiting every hour for most of the day - such a difficult day! We were so thankful for meals and medicine from our friends, and for Brad's parents coming to help us deal with all the mess and germs. Baby Joshua was happy and healthy, though! He cracks us up with his cute expressions, and he continues to gain weight each day. We went to Buffalo and to Sugar Grove and got to celebrate Christmas as Joshua met so many of his loving relatives.
My tiny baby at three weeks: he still had wrinkly skin on his elbows and knees, just waiting to be plumped up! He began to stretch out his arms and legs, and is so very wiggly. Newborn clothes still seem so big on him! Joshua began to sleep for two or three hour periods at night, but not consistently. Mommy is so tired, but happy.
At four weeks, we began to see a few smiles! Joshua finally made it back up to his birth weight, and we were so excited for him. It's so fun to begin to see more personality from my sweet baby boy.
Joshie is starting to lose his newborn hair! He's still so wrinkly, but is starting to get a bigger belly. We're still so amazed that this precious boy is ours! Joshua also got a special gift on his one month birthday: another new cousin!
Six weeks was the first time that Mommy could put her wedding rings back on - hooray! Joshua is beginning to outgrow newborn outfits in length, but not in width! We're putting more pants and onesie combinations on him, and beginning to pack away the footed outfits.
Joshua loves to "talk" to us! We sing and coo to him all day, and his grandparents are loving the videos we send them of our morning conversations. He's starting to love looking at objects hanging overhead and enjoys his mobile and snugabunny seat for those reasons!
My wiggly baby seems to never stop moving! We swaddle him at nighttime, but he somehow works his arms out of the blanket...little Houdini!
Joshua rolled over from tummy to back for the first time at the end of his tenth week - big boy! He's smiling and cooing more than ever, and we love his little personality. He's also all the way up to 9lbs, 14oz, making Mommy proud!
We love you so much, baby Joshua! You truly are a precious gift.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Joshua's birth story
On the day before our due date, December 4th, I woke up with pain in my hips and lower back. I definitely felt different, and wondered if today would be the day that I'd get to meet my baby boy.
It was a balmy day for December - in the 50's and 60's in western New York! Brad recommended that I take a walk to see if that would jump-start labor. I had wanted to get out anyway, so I did a long, brisk loop around the neighborhood and went on with my day.
That afternoon, my friend, Kelly, took me to my nonstress test appointment, at which the doctors continued to make sure that our little one was thriving. All was well, so Kelly took me home. I felt extra tired, and laid down on the couch to rest a while before Brad came home from work. I had planned a simple meal of burritos for that evening, hoping that spicy food, too, might encourage Baby to come.
However, I never got to making dinner! As I stood up from the couch, I stretched to ease the pain in my sore lower back, and my water broke. Talk about a mess! I made it to the bathroom, called my doctor to confirm, texted Brad, and waited for him to come home.
In the meantime, I washed the dishes and made a sack lunch with extra snacks for Brad to enjoy during the delivery process. I felt that, surely, our baby would be born tonight! I even remembered to pack chocolate for the nurses to snack on as we waited for Baby.
We arrived at the hospital at 7pm, and waited a little while to confirm that, indeed, my water had broken and that labor was in progress. Once that was done, we were officially admitted, and we moved to room 1105 to have our baby! They put up a little blue sign on our door: "stork at work!"
We spent the first couple of hours walking the halls as I worked through contractions. I sipped apple juice and cranberry juice, and enjoyed using the birthing ball for a while, closing my eyes and breathing slowly through each wave of pain. Brad held my hands, helped me stay covered in the hospital gown, and continually told me I was doing a good job.
As pain increased, I decided to try using the jacuzzi tub to work through the contractions. It felt good, but didn't help much. We soon decided that it was time to take the edge off the pain with a narcotic, and to get some rest. I was given Nubain, and I was able to sleep in between contractions. Brad was still right there with me! Our nurses were wonderfully helpful and encouraging, doing anything they could to help me stay comfortable. So far, so good.
In the wee hours of the night, it was finally time to get the epidural put in. The nurse and Brad helped me to get up and use the bathroom...and I leaked the rest of the amniotic fluid all the way to the bathroom. It was embarrassing and messy! Our nurse did so well at just taking things as they came, and cleaned up right away.
I initially felt some relief with the epidural, but it only numbed my right side, leaving my left side in pain. For about a half hour, I felt better, but the pain began to increase. The nurses and doctors had trouble tracking Baby's heartbeat, and decided to use an internal monitor. I was starting to lose my courage and got progressively delirious. I remember it being reassuring to hear Baby's heartbeat on the monitor, and I remember gripping the handrail of the bed through contractions. I know I asked for a C section more than once, saying that I just wanted this baby out. Brad stepped in and took over as my voice, asking questions about medications, procedures, pain relief, and everything. He remembered how much I really didn't want to have major surgery, and did everything he could to be sure I didn't have to! I vaguely remember them trying to give me a dose of Pitocin to speed up labor, and that I didn't react well. Brad says I was having contractions right on top of each other, with no relief. That sounds about right to me. It was so very painful.
Sometime in the morning, the nurses and doctors realized that the epidural had only been inserted skin-deep, which is why I wasn't feeling any relief. They decided to re-do the epidural, this time with a different anesthesiologist. She was so careful (which felt like beyond slow) and was so upset at the previous doctor's work. I could barely function - trying to stay still, contracting, hunched over a pillow and grabbing the hands of the TWO nurses they had assigned to me. Brad couldn't be in the room because of the sterile nature of the procedure.
Immediately after the epidural was in correctly, I felt relief. I fell asleep for the first real sleep I'd had all night, and woke up at about 2pm to sunshine and the announcement that I was fully dilated. What?!!
Evidently, I had been having continued contractions that were effective, making it time to push. I couldn't feel a thing, not even pressure. It was a serious gift to me to have relief like that. The nurses had to tell me each time I began to contract, so that I could start pushing. It's a good thing that I've practiced Pilates and can isolate different abdominal muscle groups, because I may not have been able to push well, otherwise!
An hour and 39 minutes later, baby Joshua was born! We discovered that the reason his heartbeat had been so unstable was that his umbilical cord had been wrapped around his neck three times. It's a miracle that he was alright. The delivery doctor said that he had an exceptionally long cord. I had to have an episiotomy - and by that time, I had begun to be able to feel what was going on. Thankful for local anesthesia. As soon as Joshua was born, they whisked him over to a warming table, since he didn't cry right away. They checked him over, and he reportedly proved that his little bowels were working properly.
He did begin to cry, and soon, he was wrapped up and in my arms. Brad and I both shed a few tears over him - somehow shocked, in awe, relieved, grateful, and afraid all at the same time.
We took a few moments to ourselves with our precious baby boy - so much hair! Sideburns! Long fingers! Deep blue eyes! Perfect little lips! And then we decided on his name: Joshua Garron.
Minutes later, everything was cleaned up, our parents arrived, and everyone took turns holding our little miracle.
The nurses helped me to the bathroom for the first time since late the night before, and I finally got to put my own clothes back on - a pair of maternity workout pants and a long pink sleeveless top. I was surprised that my feet, hands, and face were so swollen! I didn't know how much fluid they had given me.
And I was so hungry! It felt like forever until dinner was to come, and a nurse brought me a cold turkey sandwich. When dinner finally arrived, I ate all of that, too! Our parents bought DiBella's subs for dinner and ate there in the room with us.
What a blur of a day! And so, suddenly, we became parents. And our hearts are fuller than ever.
It was a balmy day for December - in the 50's and 60's in western New York! Brad recommended that I take a walk to see if that would jump-start labor. I had wanted to get out anyway, so I did a long, brisk loop around the neighborhood and went on with my day.
That afternoon, my friend, Kelly, took me to my nonstress test appointment, at which the doctors continued to make sure that our little one was thriving. All was well, so Kelly took me home. I felt extra tired, and laid down on the couch to rest a while before Brad came home from work. I had planned a simple meal of burritos for that evening, hoping that spicy food, too, might encourage Baby to come.
However, I never got to making dinner! As I stood up from the couch, I stretched to ease the pain in my sore lower back, and my water broke. Talk about a mess! I made it to the bathroom, called my doctor to confirm, texted Brad, and waited for him to come home.
In the meantime, I washed the dishes and made a sack lunch with extra snacks for Brad to enjoy during the delivery process. I felt that, surely, our baby would be born tonight! I even remembered to pack chocolate for the nurses to snack on as we waited for Baby.
We arrived at the hospital at 7pm, and waited a little while to confirm that, indeed, my water had broken and that labor was in progress. Once that was done, we were officially admitted, and we moved to room 1105 to have our baby! They put up a little blue sign on our door: "stork at work!"
We spent the first couple of hours walking the halls as I worked through contractions. I sipped apple juice and cranberry juice, and enjoyed using the birthing ball for a while, closing my eyes and breathing slowly through each wave of pain. Brad held my hands, helped me stay covered in the hospital gown, and continually told me I was doing a good job.
 |
| staying covered...haha! |
In the wee hours of the night, it was finally time to get the epidural put in. The nurse and Brad helped me to get up and use the bathroom...and I leaked the rest of the amniotic fluid all the way to the bathroom. It was embarrassing and messy! Our nurse did so well at just taking things as they came, and cleaned up right away.
I initially felt some relief with the epidural, but it only numbed my right side, leaving my left side in pain. For about a half hour, I felt better, but the pain began to increase. The nurses and doctors had trouble tracking Baby's heartbeat, and decided to use an internal monitor. I was starting to lose my courage and got progressively delirious. I remember it being reassuring to hear Baby's heartbeat on the monitor, and I remember gripping the handrail of the bed through contractions. I know I asked for a C section more than once, saying that I just wanted this baby out. Brad stepped in and took over as my voice, asking questions about medications, procedures, pain relief, and everything. He remembered how much I really didn't want to have major surgery, and did everything he could to be sure I didn't have to! I vaguely remember them trying to give me a dose of Pitocin to speed up labor, and that I didn't react well. Brad says I was having contractions right on top of each other, with no relief. That sounds about right to me. It was so very painful.
Sometime in the morning, the nurses and doctors realized that the epidural had only been inserted skin-deep, which is why I wasn't feeling any relief. They decided to re-do the epidural, this time with a different anesthesiologist. She was so careful (which felt like beyond slow) and was so upset at the previous doctor's work. I could barely function - trying to stay still, contracting, hunched over a pillow and grabbing the hands of the TWO nurses they had assigned to me. Brad couldn't be in the room because of the sterile nature of the procedure.
Immediately after the epidural was in correctly, I felt relief. I fell asleep for the first real sleep I'd had all night, and woke up at about 2pm to sunshine and the announcement that I was fully dilated. What?!!
Evidently, I had been having continued contractions that were effective, making it time to push. I couldn't feel a thing, not even pressure. It was a serious gift to me to have relief like that. The nurses had to tell me each time I began to contract, so that I could start pushing. It's a good thing that I've practiced Pilates and can isolate different abdominal muscle groups, because I may not have been able to push well, otherwise!
An hour and 39 minutes later, baby Joshua was born! We discovered that the reason his heartbeat had been so unstable was that his umbilical cord had been wrapped around his neck three times. It's a miracle that he was alright. The delivery doctor said that he had an exceptionally long cord. I had to have an episiotomy - and by that time, I had begun to be able to feel what was going on. Thankful for local anesthesia. As soon as Joshua was born, they whisked him over to a warming table, since he didn't cry right away. They checked him over, and he reportedly proved that his little bowels were working properly.
He did begin to cry, and soon, he was wrapped up and in my arms. Brad and I both shed a few tears over him - somehow shocked, in awe, relieved, grateful, and afraid all at the same time.
Minutes later, everything was cleaned up, our parents arrived, and everyone took turns holding our little miracle.
The nurses helped me to the bathroom for the first time since late the night before, and I finally got to put my own clothes back on - a pair of maternity workout pants and a long pink sleeveless top. I was surprised that my feet, hands, and face were so swollen! I didn't know how much fluid they had given me.
And I was so hungry! It felt like forever until dinner was to come, and a nurse brought me a cold turkey sandwich. When dinner finally arrived, I ate all of that, too! Our parents bought DiBella's subs for dinner and ate there in the room with us.
What a blur of a day! And so, suddenly, we became parents. And our hearts are fuller than ever.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Dear Baby
Dear baby Joshua,
I loved you from the moment I knew you were growing inside me, and even before. You are precious, little boy.
Holding you now is a miracle. I love those wide awake, deep blue eyes, your adorable expressions, and your soft, light brown hair. Your tiny fingers are so long and delicate, but strong. You're surprisingly good at holding your head up and when you're on your belly, you can almost crawl!
We love your little coos and feel so sad when you cry. We have big dreams for you and we pray for you so often.
We love you, sweet baby.
I loved you from the moment I knew you were growing inside me, and even before. You are precious, little boy.
Holding you now is a miracle. I love those wide awake, deep blue eyes, your adorable expressions, and your soft, light brown hair. Your tiny fingers are so long and delicate, but strong. You're surprisingly good at holding your head up and when you're on your belly, you can almost crawl!
We love your little coos and feel so sad when you cry. We have big dreams for you and we pray for you so often.
We love you, sweet baby.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Two years in review
It has been a very long, full two years! We've been blessed so richly, and we have so much to be thankful for.
It's hard to believe that I'm really finished with my graduate degree, that we're moving so soon, and that we're expecting a baby. Here's a quick (as quick as I can) review of the past two years:
July 31, 2010 - moved here with no jobs, a little bit of savings, and lots of hopes. Feeling pretty stressed because of some miscommunications with the landlords, and trying to get settled in our new place.
August - started grad work. Hubby was unemployed, and we had stopped receiving benefits from my unemployment. His undergraduate loans had just come due, too.
September - still making it on savings and Angel Food, but things are tight! School is overwhelming, and I feel like I'm actually majoring in email, not Choral Conducting.
October - we see the bottom of our bank account, and can't buy groceries. We're thanking God for the gas in our cars, for the rent and utilities being paid, and we're living out of our pantry. The in-laws bring a surprise load of groceries, and we're beyond relieved. Money is still tight, and a surprise check arrives in the mail from an anonymous friend. I burst into tears when I open it, knowing only God could prompt someone to be so generous.
November - Hubby gets a job!! Yay! But it's in a city an hour and 15 minutes away, it's a temporary position, and the shift is 11am to 10pm. Hubby leaves home at 9:30am and isn't home until 11:30pm. We only see each other on weekends, but at least we're living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, and counting it a blessing to have an income. School continues to be challenging, but I'm beginning to adjust. I've started praying with my friend, Nicki, every Thursday, and that helps so much! I've had the opportunity to be a part of conducting masterclasses and to step in for the College Choir director when he was gone. You can read more about my crazy month here.
December - Hubby has just Christmas Day off, so we try our best to see both families. We have car trouble with our little Nissan on Christmas morning, and we end up being late to see his family - frustrating! But we were safe. This is just one of many times we've had troubles with the electrical system in that car, even though it's three years newer and a lot nicer than our other vehicle.
January 2011 - Things are in full swing at school again, and I'm planning the final details of the Choir's tour to Florida and many of the states between NY and FL. I started a course called Theory Pedagogy, and the teacher doesn't think I'll do well - I feel taken aback by that! Hubby's temporary position has ended, and we're not sure we can afford the semester. We take a loan to be able to pay for my schooling. I still can't afford to take the conducting lessons I would love to have. We're still scraping the bottom of our bank account. But, God gives us another real-life miracle in a generous, anonymous friend. Near the middle of the month, he finds a new job with a computer repair shop. He loves it, it's closer to our house, normal hours, and he makes a pretty decent salary. My parents give us part of the pig they had purchased, and we're eventually able to pay them back for the meat.
February - The Choir goes on mini-tour, and I volunteer to drive four choir members to and from our run-out concert in a nearby city. On the way home, I hit two deer, totaling our Nissan. Everyone in the car was unharmed! AAA towed our car all the way to my in-laws, where my FIL realized it was beyond repair. After about a month with the computer repair shop, out of the blue, Hubby is let go. The boss' crazy mood swings and violent outbursts make it easy to leave, even though Hubby loved the work. Less than a week later, I left for Choir tour.
March - The insurance money from the car is more than we expected, and we put a lot of it into savings. Hubby applies for unemployment. I choose courses for the next semester, and friends take me to and from school for this month.
April - We still can't afford a new car, hubby doesn't have a job, and I'm trying to finish the semester well. Friends are still driving me to and from school, and I "pay" them in cookies. It's so hard to rely on other people. I got an A- in Theory Pedagogy, which I can only hope was a pleasant surprise to the teacher. We're living on the money from the car payment.
May - Friends of ours hear that we're in need of a car, and they offer us their Jeep, free of charge. A gift. We just need to go pick it up! We stand for my brother at his wedding. We begin the process of transferring our Jeep to NY state.
June - I take a three-week position at a music school in my parents' hometown, and enjoy teaching. Hubby keeps looking for work, and finally begins to receive unemployment benefits. We're both discouraged. We apply for Medicaid and start getting benefits. I switch to a new medication that makes me gain weight - so dumb. Hate it.
July - We celebrate my birthday at my parents' house, and hubby gives me flowers. When I come home, he has cleaned the house and put out a bottle of nice wine: the rest of my birthday/anniversary present. We celebrate our anniversary with a trip to a museum and use a gift card for a dinner out. Beautiful.
August - School is starting again, and hubby has a lead on a job. He interviews, and they call him for a second interview. We're nervous, but we're trusting that God will provide for us. We still have some money left from the car payment, the Jeep is finally on the road, and we have food to eat.
September - I count it a blessing that my textbooks this semester only cost $30. It has been so nice to be able to drive myself to and from school. Hubby has his second interview, and we're excited about it!
October - I have a couple opportunities to conduct the College Choir, and I'm loving my history of church music class. I feel like things are going pretty well. Hubby has his third interview, and is hired! We're excited and relieved. We figure the cost of commuting daily, and find out that it's more expensive for him to commute than to rent a room near his new workplace in a city an hour and a half away. We make the hard decision to rent a second place for him near work.
November - I have quite the emotional breakdown, and check myself into counseling. I can't deal with Hubby being gone all the time, and I feel pressured to take care of our whole house like we did together. I'm overwhelmed. I have serious upset stomachs, I cry all the time at home, and I can't motivate myself to do homework or housework. Hubby does well at his new job, and comes home on weekends. I try to be positive, but my emotional state is weighing on him. I finally get my medication switched, and I'm able to lose the weight I gained.
December - The Choir presents three concerts in a row, and I'm exhausted! The last week of the semester is tough, but I finish with (unbelievably) a 4.0. It's the first 4.0 I've ever had in my graduate schooling! It's a huge blessing. I'm beginning to adjust to our new normal, and look forward to some rest over Christmas break. I realize that my car needs to be inspected, so I take it in. Long story short, I was there six different times, and it still wouldn't pass inspection.
January 2012 - Hubby continues at his new job, we have good insurance now, and things are looking up. I start my final semester, and begin to plan my recital. I get to work with my own ensemble this semester, and I'm excited. Hubby takes the car to his dad, who takes it to his trusted mechanic. They can't figure out what's wrong. I ask friends to take me to and from school yet again. I have great friends, by the way.
February - We celebrate Valentine's Day early, and Hubby gives me the sweetest gift. We're excited! Not more than two days later, we finally get our car back with a temporary inspection sticker. I'm relieved to have the freedom to drive myself to and from school.
March - The Choir tours over Easter, and I wonder if I might be pregnant. When I get home, I know for sure, and surprise the hubby with an early "birthday" gift - he's a daddy!
April - This last month is crazy! I'm trying to fit in all the final work for my classes, writing a 25 page paper, rehearsing and preparing for my recital, trying to study, trying to fit in exercise - and I'm so exhausted. I have to eat six mini-meals a day, and I actually take naps at school. I feel overwhelmed! Hubby tries to help me to relax, and encourages me, reminding me that I can do this. I pray that God would work through me and complete this work well!
May - We're almost done with this separation thing! We find an apartment, sign a lease, and start packing. I have my recital, comprehensive oral exit exam, Choral Seminar exam, Music Listening exam, first baby appointment, and accompany for five juries, all in the space of five days. Then, I spend the weekend and all day Monday writing my paper - it's only 20 pages, but I'm turning it in. Graduation arrives, and I'm so relieved! Hubby and my parents were able to be there, and they're so proud of me. I can't believe I'm done!
To top it all off, I earned another 4.0, and my overall GPA is 3.88. Only God could have done that! I'm feeling so blessed.
We got to see Baby on a sonogram, and I heard Baby's heartbeat at my second appointment. We're almost ready to move, and we are so excited to start this second chapter of our lives. God has been so good to us!
We've been through so many difficult things, but I know that God is the one who carried us through. Our marriage continues to be strong, and we're excited for what God will do through us. We're so thankful for our Little One, and we're praying that God continues to meet our needs. When we move, I'll be looking for a job, and we're hoping it will be a decent income! It would be wonderful if we could bank most of one of our paychecks, using the other one to live on. We'll see how God decides to bless us - even hard times can be a blessing. He is the one who provides the opportunities for us, and He is the one who provides life for each day. We have so much to be thankful for!
It's hard to believe that I'm really finished with my graduate degree, that we're moving so soon, and that we're expecting a baby. Here's a quick (as quick as I can) review of the past two years:
July 31, 2010 - moved here with no jobs, a little bit of savings, and lots of hopes. Feeling pretty stressed because of some miscommunications with the landlords, and trying to get settled in our new place.
August - started grad work. Hubby was unemployed, and we had stopped receiving benefits from my unemployment. His undergraduate loans had just come due, too.
September - still making it on savings and Angel Food, but things are tight! School is overwhelming, and I feel like I'm actually majoring in email, not Choral Conducting.
October - we see the bottom of our bank account, and can't buy groceries. We're thanking God for the gas in our cars, for the rent and utilities being paid, and we're living out of our pantry. The in-laws bring a surprise load of groceries, and we're beyond relieved. Money is still tight, and a surprise check arrives in the mail from an anonymous friend. I burst into tears when I open it, knowing only God could prompt someone to be so generous.
November - Hubby gets a job!! Yay! But it's in a city an hour and 15 minutes away, it's a temporary position, and the shift is 11am to 10pm. Hubby leaves home at 9:30am and isn't home until 11:30pm. We only see each other on weekends, but at least we're living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, and counting it a blessing to have an income. School continues to be challenging, but I'm beginning to adjust. I've started praying with my friend, Nicki, every Thursday, and that helps so much! I've had the opportunity to be a part of conducting masterclasses and to step in for the College Choir director when he was gone. You can read more about my crazy month here.
December - Hubby has just Christmas Day off, so we try our best to see both families. We have car trouble with our little Nissan on Christmas morning, and we end up being late to see his family - frustrating! But we were safe. This is just one of many times we've had troubles with the electrical system in that car, even though it's three years newer and a lot nicer than our other vehicle.
January 2011 - Things are in full swing at school again, and I'm planning the final details of the Choir's tour to Florida and many of the states between NY and FL. I started a course called Theory Pedagogy, and the teacher doesn't think I'll do well - I feel taken aback by that! Hubby's temporary position has ended, and we're not sure we can afford the semester. We take a loan to be able to pay for my schooling. I still can't afford to take the conducting lessons I would love to have. We're still scraping the bottom of our bank account. But, God gives us another real-life miracle in a generous, anonymous friend. Near the middle of the month, he finds a new job with a computer repair shop. He loves it, it's closer to our house, normal hours, and he makes a pretty decent salary. My parents give us part of the pig they had purchased, and we're eventually able to pay them back for the meat.
February - The Choir goes on mini-tour, and I volunteer to drive four choir members to and from our run-out concert in a nearby city. On the way home, I hit two deer, totaling our Nissan. Everyone in the car was unharmed! AAA towed our car all the way to my in-laws, where my FIL realized it was beyond repair. After about a month with the computer repair shop, out of the blue, Hubby is let go. The boss' crazy mood swings and violent outbursts make it easy to leave, even though Hubby loved the work. Less than a week later, I left for Choir tour.
March - The insurance money from the car is more than we expected, and we put a lot of it into savings. Hubby applies for unemployment. I choose courses for the next semester, and friends take me to and from school for this month.
April - We still can't afford a new car, hubby doesn't have a job, and I'm trying to finish the semester well. Friends are still driving me to and from school, and I "pay" them in cookies. It's so hard to rely on other people. I got an A- in Theory Pedagogy, which I can only hope was a pleasant surprise to the teacher. We're living on the money from the car payment.
May - Friends of ours hear that we're in need of a car, and they offer us their Jeep, free of charge. A gift. We just need to go pick it up! We stand for my brother at his wedding. We begin the process of transferring our Jeep to NY state.
June - I take a three-week position at a music school in my parents' hometown, and enjoy teaching. Hubby keeps looking for work, and finally begins to receive unemployment benefits. We're both discouraged. We apply for Medicaid and start getting benefits. I switch to a new medication that makes me gain weight - so dumb. Hate it.
July - We celebrate my birthday at my parents' house, and hubby gives me flowers. When I come home, he has cleaned the house and put out a bottle of nice wine: the rest of my birthday/anniversary present. We celebrate our anniversary with a trip to a museum and use a gift card for a dinner out. Beautiful.
August - School is starting again, and hubby has a lead on a job. He interviews, and they call him for a second interview. We're nervous, but we're trusting that God will provide for us. We still have some money left from the car payment, the Jeep is finally on the road, and we have food to eat.
September - I count it a blessing that my textbooks this semester only cost $30. It has been so nice to be able to drive myself to and from school. Hubby has his second interview, and we're excited about it!
October - I have a couple opportunities to conduct the College Choir, and I'm loving my history of church music class. I feel like things are going pretty well. Hubby has his third interview, and is hired! We're excited and relieved. We figure the cost of commuting daily, and find out that it's more expensive for him to commute than to rent a room near his new workplace in a city an hour and a half away. We make the hard decision to rent a second place for him near work.
November - I have quite the emotional breakdown, and check myself into counseling. I can't deal with Hubby being gone all the time, and I feel pressured to take care of our whole house like we did together. I'm overwhelmed. I have serious upset stomachs, I cry all the time at home, and I can't motivate myself to do homework or housework. Hubby does well at his new job, and comes home on weekends. I try to be positive, but my emotional state is weighing on him. I finally get my medication switched, and I'm able to lose the weight I gained.
December - The Choir presents three concerts in a row, and I'm exhausted! The last week of the semester is tough, but I finish with (unbelievably) a 4.0. It's the first 4.0 I've ever had in my graduate schooling! It's a huge blessing. I'm beginning to adjust to our new normal, and look forward to some rest over Christmas break. I realize that my car needs to be inspected, so I take it in. Long story short, I was there six different times, and it still wouldn't pass inspection.
January 2012 - Hubby continues at his new job, we have good insurance now, and things are looking up. I start my final semester, and begin to plan my recital. I get to work with my own ensemble this semester, and I'm excited. Hubby takes the car to his dad, who takes it to his trusted mechanic. They can't figure out what's wrong. I ask friends to take me to and from school yet again. I have great friends, by the way.
February - We celebrate Valentine's Day early, and Hubby gives me the sweetest gift. We're excited! Not more than two days later, we finally get our car back with a temporary inspection sticker. I'm relieved to have the freedom to drive myself to and from school.
March - The Choir tours over Easter, and I wonder if I might be pregnant. When I get home, I know for sure, and surprise the hubby with an early "birthday" gift - he's a daddy!
April - This last month is crazy! I'm trying to fit in all the final work for my classes, writing a 25 page paper, rehearsing and preparing for my recital, trying to study, trying to fit in exercise - and I'm so exhausted. I have to eat six mini-meals a day, and I actually take naps at school. I feel overwhelmed! Hubby tries to help me to relax, and encourages me, reminding me that I can do this. I pray that God would work through me and complete this work well!
May - We're almost done with this separation thing! We find an apartment, sign a lease, and start packing. I have my recital, comprehensive oral exit exam, Choral Seminar exam, Music Listening exam, first baby appointment, and accompany for five juries, all in the space of five days. Then, I spend the weekend and all day Monday writing my paper - it's only 20 pages, but I'm turning it in. Graduation arrives, and I'm so relieved! Hubby and my parents were able to be there, and they're so proud of me. I can't believe I'm done!
To top it all off, I earned another 4.0, and my overall GPA is 3.88. Only God could have done that! I'm feeling so blessed.
We got to see Baby on a sonogram, and I heard Baby's heartbeat at my second appointment. We're almost ready to move, and we are so excited to start this second chapter of our lives. God has been so good to us!
We've been through so many difficult things, but I know that God is the one who carried us through. Our marriage continues to be strong, and we're excited for what God will do through us. We're so thankful for our Little One, and we're praying that God continues to meet our needs. When we move, I'll be looking for a job, and we're hoping it will be a decent income! It would be wonderful if we could bank most of one of our paychecks, using the other one to live on. We'll see how God decides to bless us - even hard times can be a blessing. He is the one who provides the opportunities for us, and He is the one who provides life for each day. We have so much to be thankful for!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
I couldn't share with you all then, but I can now!
My Valentine's Day was beautiful and full of reminders of how much I'm loved. But beyond the gift of having my husband home with me, he also brought me a little tangible gift.
I gave him his gift first - you can see that here. Then, he asked me to close my eyes and hold out my hands (just like when he proposed to me, slipping the ring on my finger). When I reached out, this is what he put in my hands:
"Yes," he replied with quiet confidence. His strong arms reached out and pulled me in for a hug, as he whispered his love for me and a second affirmation, "I'm ready."
I gave him his gift first - you can see that here. Then, he asked me to close my eyes and hold out my hands (just like when he proposed to me, slipping the ring on my finger). When I reached out, this is what he put in my hands:
"Are you sure?" I asked, with surprise and joy in my voice, almost in tears.
"Yes," he replied with quiet confidence. His strong arms reached out and pulled me in for a hug, as he whispered his love for me and a second affirmation, "I'm ready."
I'll cherish that moment for always!
So grateful to God for the promise, the hope, and the big (little!) blessing we've been given.
Love you for always, my dear husband! Excited for this new time of life with you.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
it's a....
...baby!
Last Monday, I drove to the city where hubby works and met him for dinner at Outback Steakhouse under the guise of celebrating his birthday early. When we got back to his place, hubby opened his card:
We're having a baby! Our little one is due sometime in early December, and we're so excited!
We celebrated hubby's birthday last weekend for real - now, only a few days early - while my parents and his were in town for my last College Choir concert. We celebrated with birthday cake, and then revealed the cookies I made:
They were shocked! And surprised! And so happy.
Here's hubby's face just before we surprised our parents:
I also made little bibs for each of our immediate family members to take home - proud new grandparents, aunts, and uncles.
We can't wait to welcome our little one into the world! What a beautiful blessing.
....he was a little confused at first! But then, totally excited, because...
 |
| These cookies were actually Hubby's idea! So creative. |
Here's hubby's face just before we surprised our parents:
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