Tuesday, October 21, 2008

on love, conflict, and sacrifice

remember the orange berries i found last week?
they shed their little orange skins and reveal a red berry on the inside!

you know how sometimes two people just don't agree on what is good art? that happened to me over the weekend. and it was very personal, since what we were disagreeing on was the proper way to treat and arrange the photos from my wedding. the photographer thinks it looks great arranged this way, and we discovered our fundamental difference: abstract/minimalism vs. concrete/realism. in short, she'll re-do a few pages for us, but the rest will stay the same. it's a good thing we are both people who like to serve and want to make the other person happy, because this could have been really ugly. conflict is not one of my favorite things.

speaking of conflict, one thing that really bothers me is when i've been alone all day, and my husband comes home and wants to sit at his computer without speaking to me for the whole evening. oh, wait. we do have dinner together, so i should be happy, right? i understand that he's had a long day at school and that he needs alone time. it's just really hard for me to give that to him when i've been alone all day. is this what sacrifice and real love is about for me? does this mean that i need to let go of my desires and let his be first in the picture? it's a hard balance. i have needs, too. i'm battling a cold, but i still have to cook, clean, pay bills, balance the budget, make cookies for next week's luncheon (see the picture i posted), and finish the sweater he's been bugging me to complete. at the same time, i need to make his lunch (i guess he could do that, but he doesn't), be sure i don't talk to him too much while he's researching, and try not to cry when he leaves at 11:15pm to get another new video game that we probably don't have the money for, when all i wanted was to have him hold me as i fall asleep.

i'm enjoying the leaf-filtered autumn sun spilling through my sliding glass door onto my coffee table . it just barely lights up the faces of my Willow Tree statue. it's a carving of a couple in love, with his arms around her waist, and her face upturned to look at his, and her hand gently cradling his cheek. i love my husband like that. i am his, and he is mine. i have promised to always love, honor, and cherish him. with God's help and strength, i will. i know he loves me, too, and that this season will not last. i know he's doing everything he can to balance doing well in school and being the man he needs to be at home. it's not an easy job, and i need to support him. God, give me the strength to accomplish these things in your time, with your patience, and in your way.

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