little things

Well, friends, the lawn mower is out of commission. It appears that the squirrels found it to be an excellent storage space for walnuts and made a rather cozy nest with grass and twigs inside our green machine. After cleaning out all of the...provisions... Hubby found out that the battery is dead.

So, our lawn languishes and lives ever on, growing daily in length. By this I mean that the lawn is now between 6" and 8" long in most spots, with various prolific weeds towering to 12" or more. It looks like a mini hayfield. Or a jungle, depending on rabbit or human perspective.

This does present a positive, though. It means that there are wildflowers all over! The forget-me-nots have been particularly widespread, as have the violas. I've even found purple pansies in the yard! So, now. Counting the little things:

1. Lots of flowers in my yard. Pretty! Presents photo opportunities.
2. It's warm enough to wear flip flops and billowy skirts. Hooray!
3. Our baby is about the size of a raspberry. Isn't that cute? And amazing?
4. I only have one exam and one paper left to finish before graduation.

5. Hubby and I will get to spend the whole weekend together.
6. We've found a new apartment!
7. Someone decided to give us their barely-used crib. Score.

8. I'm not feeling very sick at all, and my sweet tooth has returned. This is a potential problem, but for now, I'm thankful that the idea of chocolate doesn't make my stomach turn.
9. My recital is over and it went well! Now I have time to hit the gym again. Looking forward to a run.
10. Graduation is coming. Baby is coming. Life together with my husband every day is coming. God is good.

on missing him

Maybe you already know that right now, for a variety of reasons, Hubby works in a different city during the week. We get to be together on weekends, and the light at the end of this tunnel is my graduation from my master's degree program. Cannot wait. At the same time, I'm overwhelmed and stressed with the volume of work and seemingly insurmountable tasks that make up my days. "Soon enough," hubby says. I try really hard to believe that.

And I miss him like crazy. I keep telling myself that it could be much worse: he could be gone for months or even years, fighting a war for the safety of this place I call home. But it hurts so much to have to say goodbye every weekend, to not share the normal minutia of life. It hurts to know that he's hurting, that he's longing as desperately for me as I am for him.

Sometimes when I'm upset, my brain works better in poetry, music, or art. I feel better if I can create. So as he left for work last night, I redecorated the dining room table. I cried. I tried a new recipe. I sang. I prayed. And I wrote poetic prose:

The moment you got in the car, I missed you.
You are my home, my anchor.
I feel lost at sea on a cloudy night
Without the stars from which to take
A direction.
I long for you more than words can explain.
I love you.

Today there were thunderstorms and rain. At the same time, the sun was shining, daffodils were blooming, and there was a magnificent complete rainbow with a mirrored reflection, and tiny willow leaves against the darkbluegray sky.

Today there was heartache and stress. At the same time, I wore a pretty gray dress with a spring-green cardigan, took a single daffodil to school in a vase, had enough to eat, and had moments of wonder. Soon, I will rest in safety.

Soon, I will rest with my husband in a place that is ours together every day. Soon, I'll reach the summit of this mountain called a Masters Program. Soon.

Soon.

Soon...

Praying for strength for today, and hope for tomorrow. Remembering my blessings, and cherishing the man who is my husband. Trusting the God who gave him to me and me to him. Believing that together will really come "soon enough."

And letting the tears fall. 

still, here.

Last week was a whirlwind of rehearsals (3) and concerts (5) and long travel (3 destinations). It was a big deal that I actually made dinner and had something for my husband to take to work this week. It was a big deal that I ate at all!

This week has been one of catching up, of resting, of procrastinating, of re-starting exercise, of planning next semester (the last one of my Master's program), and of just being still. Toward the end of the semester, I find that it's increasingly difficult to be still, even over breakfast - before anything has even happened. The stress builds, exams and projects pile up, and I begin to feel less in control. My leg shakes, my hands aren't steady, acid reflux becomes a daily thing, and I lose weight without trying.

So I'm holding onto this: "Be still, and know that I am God.; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted on the earth." (Psalm 46:10)

Nothing that happens in the next few minutes, hours, or days will change the security I have in God or his power at work in my life. Everything will be alright. Many things will be blessed. But I must be diligent and strive for the best I can be in each thing - making time for rest, health, and people.

an hour of super

Last night, I arrived at my house at 5:25pm with a plan: make dinner and go back to school for rehearsal. And the plan actually happened as planned.

This is an account of the hour of super.

I fed the cats and petted them as I walked in. I allowed myself time to actually use the bathroom (it had been a busy day), and then to the kitchen I went. First, I put water on to boil for making rice. I squished a clove of garlic into the water with my garlic press. I preheated my oven to 400 and took the chicken drumsticks out of the fridge. I greased my glass 8"x8" pan and arranged the chicken in it - all to one side. I cut up half an onion and arranged those on top of the chicken. I found the whole carrots and sliced them lengthwise into sticks, and they went on the opposite side. Lesson in quick cooking: use pre-made sauces.

I pulled out the Sweet Baby Ray's barbecue sauce, and smothered the chicken and onions in it. Next, I got out the creamy Caesar dressing and drizzled the carrots with it. I topped those with some Italian bread crumbs and put the whole pan into the oven.

Then, I turned around to my boiling pot of water and added brown rice.

Here comes the most super of parts.

I realized that there were two overripe bananas on the counter, and I was immediately inspired to make banana bread. Well, muffins. Out came the Betty Crocker cookbook, and I began. Oil, reduced amount of milk, eggs - wait, there are no eggs in this house because I'm a grad student who doesn't have time to shop for groceries. Literally. No. Time.

Is there a recipe for banana muffins without eggs? (I wondered this to myself, going over to my laptop.) There is!! I found it here. I'll also post for you what I did, because, as you know, I don't follow directions very well in recipes.

Banana Muffins Without Milk or Eggs (amazing, I know!)
1/2 c. shortening (I used Crisco)
3/4 c. granulated sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 1/2 c. flour
1 tsp vanilla
2 smashed overripe bananas
1/3 c. chocolate chips (I used Nestle's dark chocolate chips)

First, cream the shortening and sugar. Add the vanilla. Mix in the flour, salt, baking soda, and cinnamon. The dough will be rather stiff at this point. Add the smashed bananas - it should look better now! Spoon into prepared muffin tins. Bake at 400 for 18-20 minutes. Watch carefully.

The muffins came out dense, moist, and fabulous. I discovered that parchment paper can be used to sub for paper cupcake liners - effective.

Also, my dinner was done in sufficient time for me to eat it. Win.

And I was on time for rehearsal.

Feeling (momentarily) super.

feeling it

Today, I'm feeling it.
A little fatigued from last night's Zumba experience - wow, I am not a dancer - a little emotional from the amount of alone time I've had, and a little overwhelmed by the work I have to do in between now and tomorrow.

I've enjoyed waking up to the sun streaming in my windows, but this morning, I just woke up and felt...sad. Not ready for the day. Pull-the-covers-back-up and hide sort of morning. Listen to five more minutes of classical radio before I drag myself out of bed. Even my gummy bear vitamin wasn't quite as pleasant. I saw my blooming Christmas cactus and wanted to be joyful, but didn't feel that way.

The turn-around? Singing. Thanks to God for Handel and his setting of "for unto us a Child is born," and for God deciding to make me with a voice that can do that reasonably well. Thanks for the opportunity to be in a choir again, to be with people, to pursue excellence. To appreciate the Steinway, to enjoy the perfectly balanced and tuned chords, to sing with others.

And thanks for tea. And friends. And chocolate! And peace in my home and at my school.

I will be okay.

a story of stress

Just when I think I'm doing okay...

...I brought a picnic supper for hubby and me before church band rehearsal tonight. We carried the food into the cafe area at Tops, and managed to drop the apple cake on the way. Good thing it was in pyrex, with a plastic lid tightly closed. Nothing broke. Still good! Dinner was delicious - meatloaf, broccoli, cauliflower, corn muffins, (a little crumbly, now) apple cake with this glaze. We ate, enjoyed conversation and just being together. That was good.

The bad part was that when we got up to leave, I couldn't find my keys anywhere. We retraced our steps, looked inside the car windows, checked where we'd been again, asked the management - nothing. So we left to scour the parking lot one more time - and found my keys, just steps from my car. I said a prayer of thanks, but felt like crying.

I went back inside to get groceries while hubby went to band rehearsal. I managed to stay composed and not cry, finding the things on my list and leaving (and just now realizing that I forgot rubber gloves again). I stopped by rehearsal to enjoy the music and then headed home with the groceries.

As I unloaded, I again flipped the apple cake, but this time, the lid wasn't on securely, and all of the delicious icing stuck the cake to the dirty doormat in our basement entry. Enter flood of (unreasonable and unpreventable) tears. I still feel upset.

I took what remained of the cake upstairs and scraped off the top half. There are now three plates of large crumbles without icing which were once an apple cake. I just couldn't put the whole thing in the trash. We're strapped for cash as it is, and I just can't waste what might still be good... even if it sounds silly.

I'm so tired. Renew me, Lord. I have to give a presentation at school tomorrow, my reading isn't done and my book is at school. I'm tired. I'm stressed. I miss time with my husband.

And here I thought I was doing well. I need the strength that only God can give - now especially.

the tooth fairy, grapes, Harry Potter, Miss Rhode Island, Braveheart, et al

The College Choir has an annual October party which usually falls sometime near Halloween. Costumes are most definitely involved. Tonight's shenanigans at the director's house included a campfire and s'mores, kickball (me in sequined ballet flats, too), the judging of costumes by the director's three children, doughnuts, cider, and friendly conversation. Much silliness was had by all.

Of note were the following ingenious costumes:

a mermaid
soccer referee
a bunch of grapes - complete with a stem made of her dreadlocked hair
Harry Potter himself, though much taller than pictured in film, and sadly, without his owl friend
Miss Rhode Island, especially notable for her light-up heels
Braveheart, wearing both a plaid kilt and a blue spandex suit underneath
various other choir members, as themselves
and me, the tooth fairy.

What, you didn't know? The tooth fairy wears light purple and aqua wings, liberally sprinkled with sparkles, sports a silvery dress, and silver sequined shoes. She also wears lots of sparkly eye shadow, costume jewelry, and ribbon in her hair. And gloves and tights, since it's October in New York state. She also carries a tooth brush wand, complete with sparkly blue "toothpaste."

The things I do for choir... :o)

opening my heart's door

It's a really hard thing for me to share my real self with people. I'm cute, serious, silly, underestimated, talented, knowledgeable, surprising. Efficient, firm, kind, friendly, dependable, diligent. That's what people see.

My conducting mentor often reminds his ensemble that to sing well, to communicate well, we have to use both our minds and our hearts. The voice is optimally placed in-between. It makes a good metaphor. We'll come back to this.

I've always been a color-in-the-lines, follow-the-rules sort of girl. If there's a good reason for something, if there's a way to achieve beauty, a fast and efficient method for work, I'll be doing it that way. If I can do something well, I sometimes do not feel motivated to do that something better.

But aren't you a perfectionist, Linnea? Yes, sometimes. No, not always. I have trouble doing what recipes say, because I know that changing the outcome is often okay, even better. I hesitate to buy the Gap skirt/sweater/accessory because I think I can make one. It's okay with me that the vacuum lines on the carpet don't line up, and that there are dishes in the sink.

It really scares me when things are not in control. Things like how I've inadvertently gained 5 pounds over the last four months on this new bc pill. Things like my husband's new job situation and the ways we're having to compromise to allow me to still go to school. Things like family holiday plans and trying to balance both sides of our family. Things like allowing singers to really sing without me dictating every note. Allowing my house to be messy when I truly can't fix it. Stepping back from a volunteer position at church. Saying "I don't know" and feeling okay with it. Being honest with my conducting mentor and checking myself into counseling so that I can deal with these issues. Asking for help.

I've realized lately that I can't do these things on my own. Surprise, former perfectionist: you are not able to actually be perfect. Excellent, yes. Joyful, yes. But those abilities are enabled by the grace of God. You have many talents. You have a loving family. You are doing well at school. All you have to be is you. Surprised? And who you are is good enough.

Good enough. Even excellent. Maybe someday, great. Not famous, not necessarily. Not the best. But if what I'm working on - opening up my heart and being the real me - brings glory to God, I am doing well.

I am trying to let go. Feeling the rope burn in my hand from holding onto the kite string in a turbulent storm, trying to believe that things won't fall apart if I am not the one in control. Realizing that I have never been in control, but that God always has been and always will be. Trying to remember that I have to use my voice, and that it should be a true representation of what's going on in me - heart and head. That my emotions are not trivial things to be buried, but human expressions that allow me to better communicate and to enable art in music, relationships, life. If I let people see that I'm broken, I take a big risk, but I let them know that I am real, accessible, genuine. That I care deeply.

Praying that I will be able to gracefully share my heart, using my head knowledge and my hands as the vehicle. May what I conduct, what I suggest, shape, show in choral sound - may that be a reflection of God's work in me, and enable others to express the beauty, pain, joy, sorrow that is the human experience. May His grace be apparent in how I live, think, speak, move. May He guard and guide my heart, and keep my mind in perfect peace.

and today at grad school

And today at grad school, I used a power tool!!

Well, just an electric screwdriver, but it was cool. We just got a new Wenger folder cabinet for the choir folders, and I had to readjust the height of the shelves to accommodate our binders. This meant eight screws and Linnea wielding a bright orange Black & Decker screwdriver. Awesome. It brought a wee bit of self-sufficient happy to my day.

In other news, I also bought a $13 t-shirt for $5 at the campus store, followed soon thereafter by the news that my $60 parking ticket had been reduced to $5. Win.

I ate a quick lunch, accompanied for an hour, and went to class... finding out that I most certainly have an A for this half of the semester. Sweetness.

There's a tree on campus that has some strange looking fruit that looks like an overgrown cherry with bumps all over it. I have since discovered that it's a Kousa Dogwood, and the fruit is edible! It tastes like a peach with a really weird texture. It's a soft, fleshy orange color on the inside, and the skin is reddish orange. Cool!

Many reasons for happy. So many more than what's here. I'm blessed!

hymn: final draft.

Here it is: my final draft of the hymn I've been writing for my History of Church Music class. I made some subtle changes to verses 1 and 4, a little change to verse 3, and some major changes to verse 2. Take a look at my second draft and first draft, if you'd like!

When We Have No Sufficient Answer

When we have no sufficient answer,
Father, we come on bended knee.
When acts of hatred, violence, terror,
Threaten to break our unity,
In faith, to You, we lift our gaze.
King of Peace, You hold all our days.

When darkness comes, our minds oppressing,
Spirit of Wisdom, we cry out.
We fall before you, mouths confessing,
We need your help, remove our doubt.
Come with your fire; on us alight.
Burn in our hearts; make darkness bright.

When in our grief we cry in sadness,
Jesus, you promise perfect peace.
You will restore our hearts to gladness
O Living One, our chains release!
Comfort our souls, wipe tears away,
As in the promised heav’nly Day.

When we are faced with fear and sorrow,
We reaffirm the Trinity.
Strength for each day, hope for tomorrow!
Unchanging Lord, Divinity.
Yours is the victory, battles won.
Praise to You, Father, Spirit, Son.

greetings from grad school

I've been bogged down in grad school for the past few weeks, hence the lack of activity. Here, though, is the second draft of a hymn I've been working on for a history of church music class. You can read the first draft here. What do you think of the revision? I'm working on a third draft, now, and hoping it will be the final result. Enjoy!

When We Have No Sufficient Answer

When we have no sufficient answer,
Father, we come on bended knee.
When acts of hatred, violence, terror,
Threaten to break our unity,
In faith, to You, we lift our gaze.
Mighty King, You hold all our days.

When darkness comes, our hearts oppressing,
Spirit, You are the strength we need.
We come in weakness, mouths confessing,
“You are True Light, our souls to lead.”
Come with your fire; on us alight.
Burn in our hearts; make darkness bright.

When in our grief we cry in sadness,
Jesus, you promise perfect peace.
You will restore our hearts to gladness
O Living One, our chains release!
Comfort our hearts, wipe tears away,
As in the promised heav’nly Day.

When we are faced with fear and sorrow,
We reaffirm the Trinity.
Strength for each day, hope for tomorrow!
Unchanging Lord, Divinity.
Yours is the victory, battles won.
We rejoice, Father, Spirit, Son.

synthesis

Most teachers will tell you that one of the marks of real learning is that the learner is able to integrate information gained in one context in another context: this is synthesis. Drawing connections between concepts is an important developmental step. Without it, we wouldn't tell stories, write convincing speeches, or be able to do all the steps necessary to drive a car. Some connections are easier to make than others, and some take a significant amount of time to discover, and then to motivate to implementation. We can relate these connections to the actual synapses, or pathways, formed between neurons the brain when new concepts are learned. Cool!

All this to say: I am so thankful for the coursework here at the grad school I'm attending. I've had the opportunity to study music from a Christian perspective over the course of two semesters, and now I'm studying the history of church music. I am having the greatest time! In my Choral Literature Seminar, we're studying Mass from its beginnings to present day use, and I've been researching Josquin des Prez, a 15th c. composer. I am finding so many connections between my church music history class and this one, and it's delightful.

Back to my studies. Presentation on Friday morning!

back to school

I'm back to school for the semester, and I'll try to get a weekly post in. We might be down to three a month, though! My school keeps me so busy.

I'm taking a church music history course this semester, and our first assignment has been to read all of the book of Psalms. All of it! That's 150 chapters, some of which have 100 or more verses. I'm On the 111th Psalm right now, and I just came across this verse:

"He provides food for those who fear him; he remembers his covenant forever." Ps. 111:5

I've been nervous lately about our finances and about whether we'll have enough money to buy the food we need. I need to remember to depend on God for his provision, even when I can't see how it's possible.

Trusting.

here it comes!

Cool night air, blooming goldenrod, turning leaves, and bird migrations...sure signs of autumn. I'm not ready yet! I've enjoyed my summer "freedom" and lack of schedule most days. I'm not feeling ready to give that up. I love the sunny days, laundry on the clothesline, flowers blooming in my garden, lunch dates with friends and movie nights at my house. I love the extra time to decorate, craft, sew, knit, and paint.

However, I do love that I can wear long pants again - I got a couple cute new pairs for the year. Well, new to me. You know how I love thrifting. I cut my hair in anticipation of the new semester. I love the way it feels to have something new, fresh, different about my appearance, even if it's that small. I have a pretty pink planner, and I've written in my new schedule and concert dates. I'm all set for the back-to-school party I'm hosting, and I have meetings scheduled with my advisors for the new year.

I am nervous, though. I didn't study as seriously as I should have, and I'm concerned. I didn't use my time for what really makes a visible difference at school...but I did use my time for relaxing, creating, cooking, cleaning, enjoying my family. What really matters? It's hard to find balance between what's good, needed, immediate, future, necessary, fun, relaxing, work. Have I sold out to what's good, missing out on the time to do what I should? Here I am blogging (and making cookies and earning points on SwagBucks). Is this productive for much beyond my own need to get stuff out on "paper"? Well, the hubby is happy about the cookies, I'm earning free stuff online, and I'm not bugging him with my self-analysis.

Goals for this week, though:

- eat healthier (less cookies)
- sleep schedule change to match the new school year
- exercise each day - spirit and body!
- actually study like I'm supposed to
- print out the scores I need to study, and study them
- try not to worry about finances, trusting that God will provide a job for my hubby
- make a birthday card for my Grandma
- knit some more just for me
- paint something
- make extra of each meal and freeze it for busy evenings to come
- visualize a successful, happy, exciting, organized, peaceful, joyful, friend-ful end to my post-secondary education

And pray. And breathe! And believe that I'm here for God's reasons, even though I don't understand.

clean all the things!

clean all the things!
an image brought to you by Hyperbole and a Half, whose blog is full of funny things (be forewarned: there are some bad words).

Today I cleaned a lot of the things. Small sampling:

dusted the dining/living/bed/bath rooms
swept the kitchen (twice), laundry room, and bath room
vacuumed the bedrooms, dining room, and living room (including couches)
cleaned up the litter box (hate this chore)
did three loads of laundry and put it all away
deep cleaned the bathroom, including bleaching the plastic shower curtain liner and scrubbing every surface that wasn't a wall
mopped the kitchen, laundry room, and bathroom
made the bed
washed the dishes in the sink
cleaned the counter clutter
swept the basement and put some boxes away to prepare for mouse trap placement (yuck)
made lunch: bean/beef/rice/cheese burritos.
dessert: cupcakes.
made dinner: creamy chicken and bowtie pasta with broccoli.
dessert: vanilla pudding with bananas and 'nilla wafers
washed the dishes in the sink again
ran the dishwasher

Exhausting. Then I sat down at my computer and got information about appointments that I need to schedule, answered emails, and realized that I could probably fall asleep soon. But I'm still awake, and I'm trying to decide what I'll do for my recital next year. Instead, I've set a vacation responder on my school email. (evil laugh here)

But I still need to decide on a recital program. I'm considering these options:
1. Settings of "Agnus Dei" across the centuries, from 1500's to 1900's
2. Songs about or related to visual art
3. Music that develops the adolescent voice - this could be taken in many directions, from building sight reading skills to singing connected phrases

...and many more ideas are floating around in my head. I need to tell my adviser on Thursday so that he can give me the go-ahead to research this summer. I don't know what to pick. Not feeling very driven right now!

At least all the things are clean. :o)

realizations

1. today is the last day of break
2. my presentation was scheduled during break (?) so I need to be sure I'm prepared for Wednesday, instead of Friday as I had planned
3. I'm conducting in two concerts on Wednesday, and I'm not as ready as I wish I could be
4. the Haydn Creation concert is Friday
5. I missed a coffee conversation with a professional in my field because I was so busy the week before break - totally forgot.
6. my Theory homework still is not complete, but I have until Thursday. No, it was due Tuesday, and I was both confused and late.
7. I'm almost out of Twinings black tea. If you see some, I would like the variety pack, please
8. I painted last night for the first time since we lived in Ithaca - that's at least 8 months ago, and likely more than that
9. I am passionately loved by my husband, who sees my failures and loves me anyway
10. I am loved by a compassionate and gracious God, who sent Jesus to save us from sin, and the Holy Spirit to be our comforter, counselor, and friend.

Here is my painting:

flying

It sure seems like the beginning of break was yesterday...

But here we are, at Good Friday, with only three more days left of sleeping in, playing, visiting friends, impromptu trips to see family, and late night movies. Three more days to paint the painting I've been planning, to clean my little house that seems so big, to spend lazy mornings with my husband.

Where did it all go?

I enjoyed a Friday evening off - we celebrated my husband's birthday with friends, pizza, cake, and ice cream. This was an amazing start to the break! The following Saturday, I slept in and wore jeans and a thermal shirt (amazing), went thrifting, and watched a movie with my hubby over a "birthday" dinner of ham and potatoes. Sunday was church, with pancakes and eggs for lunch. Monday, I did a little bit of homework (a very little bit), three big loads of laundry, and made plans for a visit to my parents' home. I also made sugar cookie cutouts for Easter - two different bunny shapes in vanilla and chocolate icing, with pink sugar ears and heart candy noses. Tuesday morning, I really did some of my Theory homework, but didn't get very far. I made lunch, cleaned the counter, filed papers, redecorated for Easter (putting the birthday decorations away), and had tea with a friend. We left that afternoon to go to my parents' house, where we celebrated my grandfather's birthday and played Dominion (my hubby's new card game) with my parents. All day Wednesday was spent working on my parents' apartment, getting it ready for new tenants - my brother and his wife to be. I did go out to get groceries with my mom, and found a great deal on sea bands, Cookie Crisp, and Kashi cereal. Thursday, I spent the morning working on homework and the program for an upcoming concert. The afternoon was filled by a visit to my in-laws, dinner at Cheesecake Factory, walking around the mall, and an evening rehearsal at church. I also got my dyed-to-match shoes for my brother's wedding. Some of you know about that story. Today is Friday...I've done more work on the program, a little homework, some office work, and more decorating for Easter. I'm hoping to dye eggs tomorrow, pick up our order of Angel Food, and some cleaning and baking before my in-laws come for Easter dinner.

That's how it got so full. I think I'll go give myself a pedicure now. :o)

Thankful for a break!

oops!

I have a Tuesday evening class each week, and I usually leave my house in time to be there a few minutes early. However, my hubby had just come home from Frisbee practice, and I was running late as I put his dinner on a plate and rushed out the door. I turned the key in the car, looked down at my feet and realized...

I still have my slippers on.

So I went to class in professional clothing and slippers. Awesome.

(grad) student life

Graduate student life is such a paradox.

I am an adult, but I'm a student.

I'm a teacher, but a peer.

I have homework, but also housework.

I have school bills, but also energy, trash, and rent bills. And school loans.

I have a presentation to do, meetings to attend, rehearsals, and my own homework.

And I'm blogging to take a few minutes to breathe.

Things I'm enjoying right now:

1. the white fuzzy angora sweater I'm wearing
2. the sunshine outside, even though it's way below freezing
3. my pink planner that makes my life look more organized
4. being allowed to take scores out of the library
5. that my husband will be home when I get there tonight
6. nice-tasting water in my purple narrow-mouth Nalgene
7. my friend Nicki sitting across from me, commiserating
8. my mom, just a text message away
9. having a vehicle so I can drive myself to and from school and the grocery store and wherever-I-need-to-go-at-anytime-I-want
10. the nearness of God in my simple prayer.

Lord, please help me to focus and to do my very best at this work. Help me to accept what is truly my best, and to not push myself beyond what is healthy emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually. Thank you that you are near to me.

deer dominos

It's a new game, evidently. It goes like this: one car has an issue, we call AAA, get it towed, and we send it to the shop. Day 3: get the second car stuck in our snowy driveway, and call AAA to get it out. Then we realize that this other car leaks excessive amounts of transmission fluid, and we just switch the two when the first is fixed. Two weeks later, when we finally get both cars back, I volunteer to drive students to and from our first choir concert of the semester in a city about an hour and a half from where we live.

Enter the deer. A whole herd, to be exact.

The trip to the concert was uneventful, with the exception of my day-long headache. The concert went well, and we departed for our campus. I had a full car-load with four passengers and myself in our nice Nissan, the newer of our two cars. We were about twenty minutes from campus when I noticed a group of deer running out in front of the car ahead of me. All of those deer and the vehicle ahead were unscathed. I assumed that was the entire herd...

...but it wasn't. What a startling awakening for my three sleeping backseat passengers - a sudden stop, crunched hood, car pieces splintered into the road, and not one, but two deer lying on the side of the road.

Being the driver, a leader in the ensemble and the oldest person in the car, there was absolutely no room for panic. I called my husband and asked him to come and meet us. I called AAA, and they managed to hang up on me before I got to the correct service area operators. I called our choir director to let him know what was going on, and had my passengers call someone on campus to pick them up. At this point, I didn't realize how badly the car had been damaged.

When my husband arrived, he took a look at the damage to the car. I had asked my passengers to stay in the car (safest and warmest option, anyway), and hadn't looked yet. I could see from the driver's seat that the hood was crumpled into an accordion shape, but didn't realize that the entire front end of the car was now concave.

My passengers' ride to campus arrived soon thereafter, as did the tow truck. It was the same truck driver that has answered our AAA call the past two times...looks like we're getting to be regulars. Since the accident was so severe, we also had to call the police to write up an accident report for our insurance agency. Nothing like an exciting evening, eh?

It's a wonderful thing that God gave my husband a new, better paying job with better hours in a place that's a little closer. He provided for our needs, and I know He will continue to do so. We are all safe, healthy, and we have each other. The rest will be taken care of.