6:54pm is one of my very favorite times of day. I'm usually snuggling my sweet little boy, smelling his clean, wet hair, and giving him gentle kisses as I repeat these words to him: God is always with you. I quote Joshua 1:9 and Hebrews 13:5b-6 to him, and hope he internalizes it. We rock. I pat his back. Sometimes he lifts his head from my shoulder and gives me little baby boy kisses. He is precious.
By that time, we have already prayed and thanked God for all the important things in his day. At the forefront these days are friends, dirt, and tractors. And ROCKS! and Daddy. And Daddy's guitar, mandolin, and bass. And any other relatives he can remember to list. I have sung him a bedtime hymn, and he has had a wonderfully fun bathtime.
Most of the stress has begun to melt by 6:54. I remember how much I love my son, how thankful I am to be his mommy, and how blessed we are. I feel tired, and sometimes I still have yet to cry the tears I held back all day. There's still dinner to make for when my husband gets home, and I have just a few minutes to tidy the house and do something for me. Like blogging. Or reading a magazine. Or eating a chocolate chip cookie without sharing.
But 6:54? That's a moment of peace. A moment of all-is-well. An embodiment of my love for my family and for the God who allowed it to be like this, today. And yesterday. And so many bed times before.
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Friday, October 10, 2014
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
little things: a long time coming
The last time I published was in May. There are many excuses. But here I am, anyway, with good news!
There will be another little one added to our family in mid-January! We got to see our tiny baby just last week via ultrasound, and six weeks earlier saw his or her strong, beating heart. What a blessing and an answer to our prayers. God is good to us!
The baby will be about 25 months younger than Joshua, which I think sounds just about perfect. They'll get to grow up together, play together, and have each other to lean on as they go through life.
I'm praying for strength, peace, and grace to be a good mommy to the two little blessings that we've been given!
I do think I could now do a list of the little things, don't you?
1. Our tiny baby with wiggly hands and feet, and a strong heartbeat
2. My Joshua giving me kisses and picking flowers for me when we're outside
3. Having the opportunity this past June to teach at summer music school again
4. Being able to be there for a friend as she adjusts to her newest little one
5. Sharing maternity clothes with friends
6. Already being past the nausea and food aversions, and feeling more energetic
7. The blessing of peace in place of my fear for this pregnancy
8. The conversations Brad and I have already had about possible names for our littlest
9. Quiet evenings and nights of unbroken sleep, thanks to a certain newly sleeping-through-the-night toddler
10. Being blessed in so many ways because God is good. He is holy, sovereign, and in control. That he has his glory and his purpose in mind, even in the most difficult of times. That he hears our hearts' cries and holds us in every moment.
I may someday share about the depth of pain and struggle that we've been through, but for now, it's enough to know that God is faithful, that he is present, and that we are held in his hands no matter the circumstance.
I am so thankful!
There will be another little one added to our family in mid-January! We got to see our tiny baby just last week via ultrasound, and six weeks earlier saw his or her strong, beating heart. What a blessing and an answer to our prayers. God is good to us!
The baby will be about 25 months younger than Joshua, which I think sounds just about perfect. They'll get to grow up together, play together, and have each other to lean on as they go through life.
I'm praying for strength, peace, and grace to be a good mommy to the two little blessings that we've been given!
I do think I could now do a list of the little things, don't you?
1. Our tiny baby with wiggly hands and feet, and a strong heartbeat
2. My Joshua giving me kisses and picking flowers for me when we're outside
3. Having the opportunity this past June to teach at summer music school again
4. Being able to be there for a friend as she adjusts to her newest little one
5. Sharing maternity clothes with friends
6. Already being past the nausea and food aversions, and feeling more energetic
7. The blessing of peace in place of my fear for this pregnancy
8. The conversations Brad and I have already had about possible names for our littlest
9. Quiet evenings and nights of unbroken sleep, thanks to a certain newly sleeping-through-the-night toddler
10. Being blessed in so many ways because God is good. He is holy, sovereign, and in control. That he has his glory and his purpose in mind, even in the most difficult of times. That he hears our hearts' cries and holds us in every moment.
I may someday share about the depth of pain and struggle that we've been through, but for now, it's enough to know that God is faithful, that he is present, and that we are held in his hands no matter the circumstance.
I am so thankful!
Monday, February 3, 2014
little things
It was a long, silent January, wasn't it? We experienced some of the coldest, snowiest days I've ever seen, and spent many cozy times cuddled up over "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" and piles of colorful blocks, not to mention stepping over piles of kitchen "toys" - pots, pans, recycling, spoons, canned goods...
So to begin February on a thankful note, here we go!
1. Warm, cozy days with my sweet little boy, who is growing and changing and learning so much each day
2. Cuddling on the couch with Brad after the sweet little boy is asleep in bed
3. Enough food, enough blankets, enough. We have everything we need, and so much more.
4. Putting away the last of the Christmas decorations, and looking forward to next year's decorating. Now that I know all the best places to put things out of Joshie's reach, I can better prepare for next time!
5. Visits with family and dear friends
6. The privilege of attending a truth-speaking church
7. Beautiful, bountiful, blessed snow. Sparkly, shimmery, swiftly blowing snow. Wind-blown dunes of crisp, crunchy, sand-like snow. Icy puddles that preserve fallen leaves, sticks, berries, pine cones.
8. The sound of birdsong today! Don't they know it's still winter here for another four months or so? God meets all their needs too, of course.
9. The blessing of many toys for my son, who insists he must climb on top of them all.
10. Safety for our family and friends, and the blessing of a Savior who knows us better than we know ourselves.
So to begin February on a thankful note, here we go!
1. Warm, cozy days with my sweet little boy, who is growing and changing and learning so much each day
2. Cuddling on the couch with Brad after the sweet little boy is asleep in bed
3. Enough food, enough blankets, enough. We have everything we need, and so much more.
4. Putting away the last of the Christmas decorations, and looking forward to next year's decorating. Now that I know all the best places to put things out of Joshie's reach, I can better prepare for next time!
5. Visits with family and dear friends
6. The privilege of attending a truth-speaking church
7. Beautiful, bountiful, blessed snow. Sparkly, shimmery, swiftly blowing snow. Wind-blown dunes of crisp, crunchy, sand-like snow. Icy puddles that preserve fallen leaves, sticks, berries, pine cones.
8. The sound of birdsong today! Don't they know it's still winter here for another four months or so? God meets all their needs too, of course.
9. The blessing of many toys for my son, who insists he must climb on top of them all.
10. Safety for our family and friends, and the blessing of a Savior who knows us better than we know ourselves.
Monday, October 1, 2012
struggles
I've always been one that thrives on approval, who likes a bit of a pat on the back for what I've accomplished. This is one reason that I always did so well in school; the straight-As spelled out on report cards felt so real, permanent, definitive.
Adult life isn't like that, though. No one grades your performance, regardless of how "watched" or "compared" you might feel.
And that's still hard for me to let go of.
Social networking sites could be blamed for furthering this comparison of "success" - where is she working? What has she done so far today? How did he manage to get his doctorate before I've even finished my master's degree? Why are they able to buy a house, and we're still renting an almost-good apartment? How does she manage to get all the laundry done and the whole house cleaned in one morning while she's 8 months pregnant and chasing three kids? Why? Do I measure up?
Sometimes all these success stories - innocuous in themselves, of course, and things that perhaps should be celebrated - make me feel so small. I'm happy for them, yes, but what's wrong with me? Why am I not as far along in life, so to speak, as they are? Wasn't I always at the top of my class? Then, it's easy to sink into depression for a bit. I think about the should-have, could-have, might-have-been-able-to, and I keep on feeling like I've failed, somehow. Like if my baby boy doesn't have a perfectly decorated nursery, he's going to be at a disadvantage. If I can't make good-enough Christmas gifts, we're going to look stingy, and worse, poor (but we do have so little). Like if we don't own the place we live, it can't still be the best use of our money right now. Like I should have a full-time job (what's wrong with me?), a second car, and the money to spare to be able to give to charities in the area and around the world. Like it shouldn't feel like such a terrible sacrifice to tithe. Like I should be able to go to the grocery store without planning in advance exactly what and how much I'm going to buy, because if I buy more, we'll overdraw the account.
And on a different note, I really miss making music so often. I miss having a piano in my house so that I can play a bit each day, so that hubby and I can share that together. I miss playing on the worship team; our church rarely needs us to play. We want to serve!
The pastor spoke yesterday about John the Baptist, a man that God used to prepare the way for Jesus' earthly ministry. John was a wild-looking guy, who lived and preached in the desert, an unlikely character for announcing the world's Messiah. Pastor went on to say that God will often use the ones who have little, because God's power is shown more clearly through them.
So if I don't have it all together, if we're just scraping by, but we can continue to praise God for our health, food, shelter, and each other, and of course, our salvation, what else do we need? Maybe God will use us, though we have almost nothing, to make a beautiful difference to someone else. Maybe I will be a blessing. Maybe my empty hands will be filled with something better than I thought I wanted. Maybe my hurting heart will be healed and strengthened beyond what I ever dreamed.
My hope is built on Jesus, not on what I can do, what I have, where I am in life, and how many pennies I hold. All that matters is that we continue to trust his plan for our lives, living in a way that helps others to see his work in us.
Adult life isn't like that, though. No one grades your performance, regardless of how "watched" or "compared" you might feel.
And that's still hard for me to let go of.
Social networking sites could be blamed for furthering this comparison of "success" - where is she working? What has she done so far today? How did he manage to get his doctorate before I've even finished my master's degree? Why are they able to buy a house, and we're still renting an almost-good apartment? How does she manage to get all the laundry done and the whole house cleaned in one morning while she's 8 months pregnant and chasing three kids? Why? Do I measure up?
Sometimes all these success stories - innocuous in themselves, of course, and things that perhaps should be celebrated - make me feel so small. I'm happy for them, yes, but what's wrong with me? Why am I not as far along in life, so to speak, as they are? Wasn't I always at the top of my class? Then, it's easy to sink into depression for a bit. I think about the should-have, could-have, might-have-been-able-to, and I keep on feeling like I've failed, somehow. Like if my baby boy doesn't have a perfectly decorated nursery, he's going to be at a disadvantage. If I can't make good-enough Christmas gifts, we're going to look stingy, and worse, poor (but we do have so little). Like if we don't own the place we live, it can't still be the best use of our money right now. Like I should have a full-time job (what's wrong with me?), a second car, and the money to spare to be able to give to charities in the area and around the world. Like it shouldn't feel like such a terrible sacrifice to tithe. Like I should be able to go to the grocery store without planning in advance exactly what and how much I'm going to buy, because if I buy more, we'll overdraw the account.
And on a different note, I really miss making music so often. I miss having a piano in my house so that I can play a bit each day, so that hubby and I can share that together. I miss playing on the worship team; our church rarely needs us to play. We want to serve!
The pastor spoke yesterday about John the Baptist, a man that God used to prepare the way for Jesus' earthly ministry. John was a wild-looking guy, who lived and preached in the desert, an unlikely character for announcing the world's Messiah. Pastor went on to say that God will often use the ones who have little, because God's power is shown more clearly through them.
So if I don't have it all together, if we're just scraping by, but we can continue to praise God for our health, food, shelter, and each other, and of course, our salvation, what else do we need? Maybe God will use us, though we have almost nothing, to make a beautiful difference to someone else. Maybe I will be a blessing. Maybe my empty hands will be filled with something better than I thought I wanted. Maybe my hurting heart will be healed and strengthened beyond what I ever dreamed.
My hope is built on Jesus, not on what I can do, what I have, where I am in life, and how many pennies I hold. All that matters is that we continue to trust his plan for our lives, living in a way that helps others to see his work in us.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
little things
Sometimes I tell you a bit about the little things I notice and the blessings I'm thankful for...
...like the closed-up party-striped morning glories on our fence
2. the cardinal that visited our yard
3. my husband getting home right on time, with an uneventful drive
4. the food that has been in our home and on our plates every day
5. phone calls from family and friends
6. snuggly sweatpants and stretchy shirts that cover my growing baby belly
7. every little movement Baby makes
8. the many gifts we've received for our little one
9. my fall-scented candle
10. an opportunity to sing in a choir
And sometimes, there are really BIG little things.
Things like knowing our baby is healthy and normal.
Things like waking up next to my wonderful husband, rather than miles apart.
Things like a sweet lady at the women's retreat this weekend who decided that she wanted to pay for our groceries this week.
Things like the surprise, anonymous card in the mail, stuffed with a $50 restaurant gift card, and with only the word "ENJOY!" handwritten inside.
These are the things I can only thank God for! Anonymous friend, I cried tears of gratitude when I opened the card you sent. You might know that we're living paycheck to paycheck, that having a special date night was out of the question. Thank you for that precious gift!
To the woman at the retreat weekend: you make me feel so loved and cared for. To know that I can buy more than just milk, eggs, and bananas this week is such a blessing. I'm tearing up just thinking about your generosity.
To God alone, thank you. For meeting all our needs. For providing us with reassurance that our baby is healthy. For bringing us into the place where we are now, where we must rely on You fully. You are the one who directs our feet, who gives us peace in these difficult times.
...like the closed-up party-striped morning glories on our fence
2. the cardinal that visited our yard
3. my husband getting home right on time, with an uneventful drive
4. the food that has been in our home and on our plates every day
5. phone calls from family and friends
6. snuggly sweatpants and stretchy shirts that cover my growing baby belly
7. every little movement Baby makes
8. the many gifts we've received for our little one
9. my fall-scented candle
10. an opportunity to sing in a choir
And sometimes, there are really BIG little things.
Things like knowing our baby is healthy and normal.
Things like waking up next to my wonderful husband, rather than miles apart.
Things like a sweet lady at the women's retreat this weekend who decided that she wanted to pay for our groceries this week.
Things like the surprise, anonymous card in the mail, stuffed with a $50 restaurant gift card, and with only the word "ENJOY!" handwritten inside.
These are the things I can only thank God for! Anonymous friend, I cried tears of gratitude when I opened the card you sent. You might know that we're living paycheck to paycheck, that having a special date night was out of the question. Thank you for that precious gift!
To the woman at the retreat weekend: you make me feel so loved and cared for. To know that I can buy more than just milk, eggs, and bananas this week is such a blessing. I'm tearing up just thinking about your generosity.
To God alone, thank you. For meeting all our needs. For providing us with reassurance that our baby is healthy. For bringing us into the place where we are now, where we must rely on You fully. You are the one who directs our feet, who gives us peace in these difficult times.
Friday, September 7, 2012
little things
Oh, the little things.
Tiny purple flowers, barely-there breezes, fluttering leaves, sunshine and shade dappled grass, tangy lemonade, bare toes, the comfort of leaning on my husband's chest, a content stomach, a full heart, a peaceful mind.
1. The speckled bird just above me as I put a thank-you note in the mailbox.
2. The reason for the thank-you note: a fridge full of groceries that we couldn't afford on our own.
3. The beauty of picked-for-me roses, hand delivered by my momma, with a hug, of course.
4. A not-too-hot, not humid morning with clear blue skies, sun, and a breeze.
5. Clean sheets and a dryer that works
6. As much water as I need
7. Comfortable, stretchy workout pants. Today, I will walk.
8. Tears that simultaneously express my pain and heal my heart
9. The possibility of a collegiate teaching position - daring to hope
10. Peace in the knowledge that all my needs will be met. All of them. Praying for contentment and wisdom to be willing to let go of things I don't need, and trusting for the things that we really do need.
Tiny purple flowers, barely-there breezes, fluttering leaves, sunshine and shade dappled grass, tangy lemonade, bare toes, the comfort of leaning on my husband's chest, a content stomach, a full heart, a peaceful mind.
Each day holds something little to be thankful for.
Today?
1. The speckled bird just above me as I put a thank-you note in the mailbox.
2. The reason for the thank-you note: a fridge full of groceries that we couldn't afford on our own.
3. The beauty of picked-for-me roses, hand delivered by my momma, with a hug, of course.
4. A not-too-hot, not humid morning with clear blue skies, sun, and a breeze.
5. Clean sheets and a dryer that works
6. As much water as I need
7. Comfortable, stretchy workout pants. Today, I will walk.
8. Tears that simultaneously express my pain and heal my heart
9. The possibility of a collegiate teaching position - daring to hope
10. Peace in the knowledge that all my needs will be met. All of them. Praying for contentment and wisdom to be willing to let go of things I don't need, and trusting for the things that we really do need.
Friday, June 15, 2012
There's a fable attributed to Aesop that goes something like this:
There once was a country mouse who invited his city mouse cousin to come and share a meal in the country. The city mouse arrived, and scoffed at the meager meal. "Come visit me in the city," said the city mouse, "and I'll show you a feast the likes of which you've never seen." So the two mice left together for the city. Soon, they came to a cozy corner in an alley, filled with all the bounty a mouse could imagine - bits of cheese, bread, fruit, meat, corn - all for their enjoyment. As they sat down to eat, a large cat appeared, sending the mice scurrying for cover. They trembled in their hiding place until the threat was gone, and then slowly came out of hiding. The country mouse left in a hurry, saying, "I'd rather enjoy my meager meal in peace than have plenty and live in fear."
The fable reminds me of a verse in Proverbs, though none of the history-of-the-fable articles referenced it. The verse goes like this: "Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife."
As we've recently moved to the city, this country mouse feels very out of her element! I'm trying to learn all of the city-mouse things to do. We already lock our doors as a matter of habit, of course. But there are things like, say, getting one's nails and hair done biweekly, wearing the latest fashions, shopping at the "best" groceries, eating at the trendiest cafes, attending the just-out-this-week movies, running in brand-new sneakers and matching running clothes... things that, in the country, hardly matter. It didn't matter if my nails were painted, so long as they were cut and clean. It didn't matter where my groceries came from, as long as the food was healthy and fit in our budget. It didn't matter, really, what my kitchen tile looked like, as long as it kept the drywall from water damage. It didn't matter that I've always cut my own hair and saved a few dollars a month doing it. It didn't matter that I went exactly the speed limit, because someone was always driving slower. Here, if I'm not 10mph over, I'm "slow." It makes me tremble - both because of the danger and because I know we cannot afford to pay a ticket.
Being "country mice" meant that we had a safe, quiet place to live, where we could be outside without hearing a siren, honking cars, yelling neighbors, barking dogs (well, there were barking dogs, but), smelling cigarette smoke (or worse). It meant more that the lady at the post office knew me by name, even though I was there, at the most, once a month. It meant more that the worst "traffic" we saw was an Amish buggy, that we could travel 8 miles in 10 minutes without hopping on a highway. It also meant that we had to drive 30 minutes to a decent grocery store, and still had to pay extra for some things we needed. It was 45 minutes to a quality hospital. It meant more gas use, and paying exorbitant prices for internet service that doesn't hold a candle to what we have here in the city. It meant that jobs were scarce, neighbors were far away, and church family hardly knew us.
We're already beginning to enjoy having a grocery store within five miles of our house, being friendly to our downstairs neighbors, and enjoying the local parks. Hubby gets to play with a local Frisbee team and a flag football team, and that means a safe place and time for me to go running. We have trash pickup service instead of having to lug our garbage to the dump, and it's included in our rent price. We now live closer to some of our family members. We have good medical care within a 10 minute drive, and a CVS just a few blocks south. We will choose to thrive here.
Regardless of how long we live in the city, I think I will always be a country mouse at heart! The thing that matters most to me is that we're safe, together, and that our basic needs are met. Though I want a gorgeous home and cute clothes and a nice car, those things don't really matter. Better a dry crust with peace than luxury with strife.
There once was a country mouse who invited his city mouse cousin to come and share a meal in the country. The city mouse arrived, and scoffed at the meager meal. "Come visit me in the city," said the city mouse, "and I'll show you a feast the likes of which you've never seen." So the two mice left together for the city. Soon, they came to a cozy corner in an alley, filled with all the bounty a mouse could imagine - bits of cheese, bread, fruit, meat, corn - all for their enjoyment. As they sat down to eat, a large cat appeared, sending the mice scurrying for cover. They trembled in their hiding place until the threat was gone, and then slowly came out of hiding. The country mouse left in a hurry, saying, "I'd rather enjoy my meager meal in peace than have plenty and live in fear."
The fable reminds me of a verse in Proverbs, though none of the history-of-the-fable articles referenced it. The verse goes like this: "Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife."
As we've recently moved to the city, this country mouse feels very out of her element! I'm trying to learn all of the city-mouse things to do. We already lock our doors as a matter of habit, of course. But there are things like, say, getting one's nails and hair done biweekly, wearing the latest fashions, shopping at the "best" groceries, eating at the trendiest cafes, attending the just-out-this-week movies, running in brand-new sneakers and matching running clothes... things that, in the country, hardly matter. It didn't matter if my nails were painted, so long as they were cut and clean. It didn't matter where my groceries came from, as long as the food was healthy and fit in our budget. It didn't matter, really, what my kitchen tile looked like, as long as it kept the drywall from water damage. It didn't matter that I've always cut my own hair and saved a few dollars a month doing it. It didn't matter that I went exactly the speed limit, because someone was always driving slower. Here, if I'm not 10mph over, I'm "slow." It makes me tremble - both because of the danger and because I know we cannot afford to pay a ticket.
Being "country mice" meant that we had a safe, quiet place to live, where we could be outside without hearing a siren, honking cars, yelling neighbors, barking dogs (well, there were barking dogs, but), smelling cigarette smoke (or worse). It meant more that the lady at the post office knew me by name, even though I was there, at the most, once a month. It meant more that the worst "traffic" we saw was an Amish buggy, that we could travel 8 miles in 10 minutes without hopping on a highway. It also meant that we had to drive 30 minutes to a decent grocery store, and still had to pay extra for some things we needed. It was 45 minutes to a quality hospital. It meant more gas use, and paying exorbitant prices for internet service that doesn't hold a candle to what we have here in the city. It meant that jobs were scarce, neighbors were far away, and church family hardly knew us.
We're already beginning to enjoy having a grocery store within five miles of our house, being friendly to our downstairs neighbors, and enjoying the local parks. Hubby gets to play with a local Frisbee team and a flag football team, and that means a safe place and time for me to go running. We have trash pickup service instead of having to lug our garbage to the dump, and it's included in our rent price. We now live closer to some of our family members. We have good medical care within a 10 minute drive, and a CVS just a few blocks south. We will choose to thrive here.
Regardless of how long we live in the city, I think I will always be a country mouse at heart! The thing that matters most to me is that we're safe, together, and that our basic needs are met. Though I want a gorgeous home and cute clothes and a nice car, those things don't really matter. Better a dry crust with peace than luxury with strife.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
blue days
For the past two years, I've lived a very busy, high-stress life. My days have been scheduled by the hour. My planner saw a lot of use! However, that time of extreme busyness has come to a sudden stop. Sudden quiet. Sudden lack of schedule. Sudden lack of income. Hours where I can do anything I want or need with no requirements or homework or planning. Hours of empty freedom.
Oh, change. The only constant in life is change, right?
I graduated, packed up, cleaned up, and we moved to a new city. I celebrated getting to live together with the hubby again, then I cleaned, unpacked, arranged, organized, cleaned some more, figured out how to get to the grocery, located the thrift stores, and then...
...just nothing. No job interviews, no huge to-do list. I took up meal planning, which I probably should have been doing all along. I actually plan to mop again today - this is unusual for me! I cleaned the windows in the entry stairway, planted pachysandra in front of the porch, and even put in some annual flowers near our front steps.
Then, I had an interview at Macy's - a very cloudy, rainy day. Imagine me trying to keep my just-a-bit-too-long pant legs out of the puddles while juggling an umbrella and my full leather tote bag in the wind and rain... I'm sure I was a sight! The interview was fine, but I know I'm overqualified for the position. They were surprised when I handed them a resume - let's just leave it at that.
Who knows if they'll even call me back.
That was a very low day. I cried off and on for no reason. The rain and dark skies sure didn't help! I'm a sunshine-lovin' girl. I couldn't make myself get up off the couch. I tried doing things I like - knitting, crafts, painting, reading, eating a grape popsicle - nothing was fun. I did the dishes numbly. I felt fat, even though I know that this belly is a good sign that Baby is growing and healthy. It meant the world to me when my mom called, and reminded me that this might not just be a "sad" day. This might be depression.
Just like when I was first married. We had spent a sweet week of togetherness, then packed and moved to our new place, 3 hours' drive from anyone we knew and loved. He had a part-time job right away, which left me home with piles of boxes. I attacked those boxes - cleaned, organized, put away. Lifted more than I should have. I went running often, ate way too little, and cried almost every day. I couldn't look at wedding photos without tears. What should have been the happiest months of my life were incredibly lonely, sad times. No job, a very busy hubby at grad school, no friends, and a very tiny apartment with nothing left to clean or organize or decorate.
After a while, when I finally did have a job, things felt better. I didn't love my job, but at least I was contributing some pennies to our account. I started eating more appropriately, and still exercised. We made some friends at church, and things turned around. I adjusted, and learned to like it, even love it, there in our new home.
So now, I know everything will work out. I just have to make it through this sad time. I know Hubby will come home each day, and I will have a hug and someone to talk to who understands. (Oscar-cat is cute, and talks back, but isn't anywhere close to human, of course.) I don't have to wait until the weekend to see him, and I don't have to go to counseling to feel like I can actually be myself. I have to make good choices about my body and health - not just physically, but emotionally, too. It will be so helpful once we've found a church to call home. Once I have a schedule that's more than this:
7:44am - get up with Hubby, make breakfast and his lunch, then do the dishes. Shower, maybe. Think about what other household chores I can do. Can I find an excuse to leave the house? Groceries? Bank? Thrifting? No, we don't have any extra money right now.
12 noon - eat something. Try to make it nutritious.
2pm - nap? If I feel like it.
5pm - what last minute cleaning can I do before Hubby comes home?
6pm - begin to make dinner
10pm - try to make it until now before going to bed.
And just this morning, I got a call for a teaching interview - a long term sub position. That would be a good thing! Experience, something to get my name out there, and ending just in time for me to have Baby. Praying that God will help me to know what decision to make if I'm offered the position. Hoping that I'm offered the position!
Today it is sunny. I know rain will come again, but I'm praying that I can face it with more strength.
Oh, change. The only constant in life is change, right?
I graduated, packed up, cleaned up, and we moved to a new city. I celebrated getting to live together with the hubby again, then I cleaned, unpacked, arranged, organized, cleaned some more, figured out how to get to the grocery, located the thrift stores, and then...
...just nothing. No job interviews, no huge to-do list. I took up meal planning, which I probably should have been doing all along. I actually plan to mop again today - this is unusual for me! I cleaned the windows in the entry stairway, planted pachysandra in front of the porch, and even put in some annual flowers near our front steps.
Then, I had an interview at Macy's - a very cloudy, rainy day. Imagine me trying to keep my just-a-bit-too-long pant legs out of the puddles while juggling an umbrella and my full leather tote bag in the wind and rain... I'm sure I was a sight! The interview was fine, but I know I'm overqualified for the position. They were surprised when I handed them a resume - let's just leave it at that.
Who knows if they'll even call me back.
That was a very low day. I cried off and on for no reason. The rain and dark skies sure didn't help! I'm a sunshine-lovin' girl. I couldn't make myself get up off the couch. I tried doing things I like - knitting, crafts, painting, reading, eating a grape popsicle - nothing was fun. I did the dishes numbly. I felt fat, even though I know that this belly is a good sign that Baby is growing and healthy. It meant the world to me when my mom called, and reminded me that this might not just be a "sad" day. This might be depression.
Just like when I was first married. We had spent a sweet week of togetherness, then packed and moved to our new place, 3 hours' drive from anyone we knew and loved. He had a part-time job right away, which left me home with piles of boxes. I attacked those boxes - cleaned, organized, put away. Lifted more than I should have. I went running often, ate way too little, and cried almost every day. I couldn't look at wedding photos without tears. What should have been the happiest months of my life were incredibly lonely, sad times. No job, a very busy hubby at grad school, no friends, and a very tiny apartment with nothing left to clean or organize or decorate.
After a while, when I finally did have a job, things felt better. I didn't love my job, but at least I was contributing some pennies to our account. I started eating more appropriately, and still exercised. We made some friends at church, and things turned around. I adjusted, and learned to like it, even love it, there in our new home.
So now, I know everything will work out. I just have to make it through this sad time. I know Hubby will come home each day, and I will have a hug and someone to talk to who understands. (Oscar-cat is cute, and talks back, but isn't anywhere close to human, of course.) I don't have to wait until the weekend to see him, and I don't have to go to counseling to feel like I can actually be myself. I have to make good choices about my body and health - not just physically, but emotionally, too. It will be so helpful once we've found a church to call home. Once I have a schedule that's more than this:
7:44am - get up with Hubby, make breakfast and his lunch, then do the dishes. Shower, maybe. Think about what other household chores I can do. Can I find an excuse to leave the house? Groceries? Bank? Thrifting? No, we don't have any extra money right now.
12 noon - eat something. Try to make it nutritious.
2pm - nap? If I feel like it.
5pm - what last minute cleaning can I do before Hubby comes home?
6pm - begin to make dinner
10pm - try to make it until now before going to bed.
And just this morning, I got a call for a teaching interview - a long term sub position. That would be a good thing! Experience, something to get my name out there, and ending just in time for me to have Baby. Praying that God will help me to know what decision to make if I'm offered the position. Hoping that I'm offered the position!
Today it is sunny. I know rain will come again, but I'm praying that I can face it with more strength.
Friday, November 11, 2011
waiting in hope
And contentment! 1 Timothy 6:6 says that "godliness with contentment is great gain." It's just a verse earlier that the writer says that godliness leads to blessing, but not necessarily financial blessing.
Right now, we're in a place where we have to watch each penny so that we have enough. There's just a little extra, and that's going in savings. We have school loans to pay, and it seems futile to pay rent x2. It's disappointing that grocery trips are $20 more expensive this year than last year - economy woes. It's hard to pay so much for gas.
But the money is not what matters - it's how we're living and loving and making time for each other. It's about the little moments of pure joy and blessing, about long hugs and sunshine through the window, gently falling snow, bluebirds, cuddly cats, and sharing music together. It's about remembering that God has blessed and is blessing us richly. That our character is being formed. That we're growing. And waiting in hope that one day, all will finally be as it should be. That all will be peace, light, joy, awe, wonder.
We wait, in Hope. He Himself is our peace.
We'll make it through this time, and we'll find that we are more refined, strengthened, made more closely into what we should be.
We wait in hope.
Friday, July 1, 2011
loving the little things
There's a children's song from Sunday school that I remember - "Jesus loves the little ones like me! me! me!"
Today, I noticed more of the "little things" than usual. A student handed me a crayon-on-construction-paper note, thanking me for teaching her. I left school for the day in a great mood, breathing in fresh, clean air, enjoying the warm sunshine, and loving the cool breeze. I drove the posted 15 mph down the hill and across the bridge, and noticed a goldfinch, perched on a tall blade of grass. He bent it gently...
Later, I photographed flowers with my sister, and we appreciated the beauty together. There was a firefly with blue-spotted wings that landed almost close enough for a photo - almost!
I dressed and got ready for the evening's performance, and parked for free in the city lot. Walking to the theater, I "followed" a little brown sparrow as he hopped from windowsill to windowsill on an old brick building.
I enjoyed the smooth, cool piano keys as I prepared to play, and loved the way my concert-black skirt skimmed the stage.
Leaving for home, I walked past the same brick building, and this time, noticed a small vine beginning to creep up the wall. Little bright green and red leaves, delicate tendrils, wrapped around hard, rough stone. New life in a tough place, between cement and stone.
That's where I feel most of the time: between cement and stone. In the middle of tough school work, bad job situations, and poor finances. But the blessings still come. I have everything I need - truly, everything. We have received what we need each time that we come close to not having enough. God is faithful.
As I drove home, the sunset was so many beautiful colors, like a smooth, gently striped seashell in pinks, purples, yellows, and blues. Blessed - through raindrops, through pain, through difficult jobs, times of physical distance, and emotional struggle. Blessed.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
mercies
"I will sing of your mercies that lead me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy. Hallelujah!"
Lately, I've been thinking about the many ways that God has provided for my needs. I have not gone a day without food, shelter, clothing, and love. I have a wonderful husband who works diligently to support us. I get to attend grad school in a field I enjoy.
However, we've been through so many hard times, and we're not out of the woods financially. We have been able to pay back some debts, but there's still a lot of hurt and disappointment, humiliation and anxiety.
My husband came across the new song by Laura Story called "Blessings," and it has meant so much to me. You can listen to the song on her website. It speaks so clearly to what we're going through - that we've prayed, that we've seen blessings, but that we're still walking through the valley of shadows. In spite of all those things, we feel God's presence with us. We know He has a plan for us through this.
Even though it still hurts. It reminds me of something my friend Suzy said last year - wondering if these valleys we go through - what if these valleys are the mountaintops? Can we be content where we are, anticipating God's grace to us through these times?
"What if your blessings come through raindrops? And what if your healing comes through tears? And what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near? What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy? And what if trials of this life: the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are your mercies in disguise?
Lately, I've been thinking about the many ways that God has provided for my needs. I have not gone a day without food, shelter, clothing, and love. I have a wonderful husband who works diligently to support us. I get to attend grad school in a field I enjoy.
However, we've been through so many hard times, and we're not out of the woods financially. We have been able to pay back some debts, but there's still a lot of hurt and disappointment, humiliation and anxiety.
My husband came across the new song by Laura Story called "Blessings," and it has meant so much to me. You can listen to the song on her website. It speaks so clearly to what we're going through - that we've prayed, that we've seen blessings, but that we're still walking through the valley of shadows. In spite of all those things, we feel God's presence with us. We know He has a plan for us through this.
Even though it still hurts. It reminds me of something my friend Suzy said last year - wondering if these valleys we go through - what if these valleys are the mountaintops? Can we be content where we are, anticipating God's grace to us through these times?
"What if your blessings come through raindrops? And what if your healing comes through tears? And what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near? What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy? And what if trials of this life: the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are your mercies in disguise?
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Festival of Hope
"Everyone needs compassion,A love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.
Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Savior,
The Hope of Nations.
Savior, He can move the mountains.
My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave. "
- Laura Story, "Mighty to Save"
This coming Sunday afternoon, we have the opportunity to watch online as Samaritan's Purse gives us a glimpse of the hope they're bringing to the people of Haiti. They'll be streaming online starting at 1:30pm EST. Will you watch with me? I'm pretty sure my hubby won't be watching football, since the Bills' season is over...
The people of Haiti are living on hope. How can I be so upset here in the land of luxury? No, I probably can't get all the groceries I need next week, but I have a freezer full of meat and canned goods. We'll last just fine. I'm living in a real, brick and mortar house, not a blue tarp pulled over sticks. I'm not afraid that the roof is going to collapse on me. I still have my husband, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and even grandparents and our little furballs. I have an education, a computer, heat and electricity, and running water. Why is it so hard for me to be thankful?
I have a comfortable bed, more than (a lot more than) one set of clothes and shoes, jackets, and not one, but two cars. I have decorative dishes and not just clean water to drink, but juice and milk besides. I have fresh eggs in the fridge and fresh fruits and vegetables. I have a beautiful, peaceful view of the countryside, with no threat of war in my backyard.
I have so much to be thankful for. Praying that I have the strength to not complain about the difficult things, but to put them in God's hands. He's big enough to take care of my details. He knew me before I began. I can trust Him.
The people of Haiti are living on hope. How can I be so upset here in the land of luxury? No, I probably can't get all the groceries I need next week, but I have a freezer full of meat and canned goods. We'll last just fine. I'm living in a real, brick and mortar house, not a blue tarp pulled over sticks. I'm not afraid that the roof is going to collapse on me. I still have my husband, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and even grandparents and our little furballs. I have an education, a computer, heat and electricity, and running water. Why is it so hard for me to be thankful?
I have a comfortable bed, more than (a lot more than) one set of clothes and shoes, jackets, and not one, but two cars. I have decorative dishes and not just clean water to drink, but juice and milk besides. I have fresh eggs in the fridge and fresh fruits and vegetables. I have a beautiful, peaceful view of the countryside, with no threat of war in my backyard.
I have so much to be thankful for. Praying that I have the strength to not complain about the difficult things, but to put them in God's hands. He's big enough to take care of my details. He knew me before I began. I can trust Him.
Monday, November 8, 2010
finding balance
I had a couple of friends over for homemade pizza tonight - they each brought an ingredient, and I made the pizza dough. It turned out pretty well! I think I'll try preheating the pizza stone next time to try to get the crust crispier...
Finding the balance in my life right now is really tough. I start the day with my shower, breakfast, and devotions, like always, but then things just seem to go awry. I get wrapped up in stress as soon as I'm at school - I remember how much I hate research, I feel burdened with reading, I feel tired by noon and just want to go home. It's hard to remember what motivates me, why I'm actually there, and that this is temporary. I thought grad work would be an opportunity to study the things I enjoy, to spend time growing in what I enjoy: teaching. I was a bit confused, evidently.
Now I'm home, trying to get together enough gumption to go through the 70 pages of reading that were assigned for my 2-credit class that meets tomorrow evening. Oh, help me, Lord. I can't do this on my own.
Finding the balance in my life right now is really tough. I start the day with my shower, breakfast, and devotions, like always, but then things just seem to go awry. I get wrapped up in stress as soon as I'm at school - I remember how much I hate research, I feel burdened with reading, I feel tired by noon and just want to go home. It's hard to remember what motivates me, why I'm actually there, and that this is temporary. I thought grad work would be an opportunity to study the things I enjoy, to spend time growing in what I enjoy: teaching. I was a bit confused, evidently.
Now I'm home, trying to get together enough gumption to go through the 70 pages of reading that were assigned for my 2-credit class that meets tomorrow evening. Oh, help me, Lord. I can't do this on my own.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
thanks for all Thou dost provide
Father, do not forget me.When I'm incredibly grateful and words fail, this song often comes to mind:
"Thanks to God for my Redeemer,
Thanks for all Thou dost provide!
Thanks for times now but a memory,
Thanks for Jesus by my side!
Thanks for pleasant, balmy springtime,
Thanks for dark and stormy fall!
Thanks for tears by now forgotten,
Thanks for peace within my soul!
Thanks for prayers that Thou hast answered,
Thanks for what Thou dost deny!
Thanks for storms that I have weathered,
Thanks for all Thou dost supply!
Thanks for pain, and thanks for pleasure,
Thanks for comfort in despair!
Thanks for grace that none can measure,
Thanks for love beyond compare!
Thanks for roses by the wayside,
Thanks for thorns their stems contain!
Thanks for home and thanks for fireside,
Thanks for hope, that sweet refrain!
Thanks for joy and thanks for sorrow,
Thanks for heav’nly peace with Thee!
Thanks for hope in the tomorrow,
Thanks through all eternity!"
The words were written by August L. Storm, a native of Sweden. The song was carried to the United States by Swedish immigrants, one of whom was Carl Backstrom. He translated the lyrics to English, and the song became a frequent choice in the Swedish Mission Covenant churches.
My own great-grandparents were Swedish immigrants, and this is one of the songs that they held dear. I count it a treasure to sing the same words and to worship the same unchanging God who daily supplies all our needs, through my joy and through my tears.
Monday, June 8, 2009
"home," but not.
home is wherever i am that my husband is with me. he is my "home," and when i'm with him, i feel most at rest, safe, completely loved, and confident. right now i'm at my parents' home, and he is miles away at our little apartment. i'm teaching at a summer music school for a week (just a week!), and i miss him so much.
it feels empty to lay down at night without him. i miss his hand holding mine at the breakfast table. i miss driving to work together. i miss the hugs, the cuddles, and the kisses. i miss him.
does that seem a little dramatic? it doesn't help that this is an emotional time for me, anyway, what with losing a job, dealing with less income, and being female.
i love my family and i'm happy to be with them. it just doesn't seem right without my husband here. he's so much a part of me!
i'm even finding it hard to be motivated to do the lesson plans i have to do before tomorrow's classes. but i will.
i'm praying for the Lord's help to let go and to trust him. why must this be a constant struggle? all i want is the peace, joy, and strength to do well at whatever he sets before me.
it feels empty to lay down at night without him. i miss his hand holding mine at the breakfast table. i miss driving to work together. i miss the hugs, the cuddles, and the kisses. i miss him.
does that seem a little dramatic? it doesn't help that this is an emotional time for me, anyway, what with losing a job, dealing with less income, and being female.
i love my family and i'm happy to be with them. it just doesn't seem right without my husband here. he's so much a part of me!
i'm even finding it hard to be motivated to do the lesson plans i have to do before tomorrow's classes. but i will.
i'm praying for the Lord's help to let go and to trust him. why must this be a constant struggle? all i want is the peace, joy, and strength to do well at whatever he sets before me.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
shock, anger, fear, acceptance, peace?
it has been a week since i was told that i am leaving the company, and i feel like i've been through these stages. i have been angry at my managers, afraid of what the future might hold, and finally, accepting of the situation. somewhere in between, there were moments of intense sadness, frustration, and failure. there are still some moments that i feel like i've failed.
at the same time, i know that this chapter in my life is ending. it has been a really rough road, and i haven't really enjoyed being in this job. my hope is that my example has been one that brings glory to Jesus, and not to me. I hope that someone has been changed by my words, actions, or attitude. I hope that my time there has not been in vain. i know God placed me there for a reason, and that i was a light in a very dark place.
and somehow, there's a peace in my heart. there's still pain, but God has given me unexplainable peace. and i don't deserve it, but i'm so grateful.
all that said, my husband and i are still unemployed.
he does have a second interview tomorrow, which is great!
I had an interview for a teaching position in a school yesterday morning - a panel of 7 interviewers, seated at a big rectangular table, firing off questions round-robin. not my favorite interview style (as if one could choose a "comfortable" way to interview). it was all done in a mere 15 minutes - i'm not sure if that was a good or bad thing. I do look forward to hearing if i will be asked to come back. it was an hour's drive from my home to this school. we'll look into moving if i get the job.
i had a nice, long talk with one of my dearest friends last night. she's going through some really difficult decision-making times, and i so wish that i could be with her. at least i can listen from afar. and maybe meet up on a saturday to do some shopping. i miss her.
my irises beside my little apartment deck are blooming! it's so fun to see that - like my little bit of labor paid off. as if i could ever make a plant grow...
here's a picture:
at the same time, i know that this chapter in my life is ending. it has been a really rough road, and i haven't really enjoyed being in this job. my hope is that my example has been one that brings glory to Jesus, and not to me. I hope that someone has been changed by my words, actions, or attitude. I hope that my time there has not been in vain. i know God placed me there for a reason, and that i was a light in a very dark place.
and somehow, there's a peace in my heart. there's still pain, but God has given me unexplainable peace. and i don't deserve it, but i'm so grateful.
all that said, my husband and i are still unemployed.
he does have a second interview tomorrow, which is great!
I had an interview for a teaching position in a school yesterday morning - a panel of 7 interviewers, seated at a big rectangular table, firing off questions round-robin. not my favorite interview style (as if one could choose a "comfortable" way to interview). it was all done in a mere 15 minutes - i'm not sure if that was a good or bad thing. I do look forward to hearing if i will be asked to come back. it was an hour's drive from my home to this school. we'll look into moving if i get the job.
i had a nice, long talk with one of my dearest friends last night. she's going through some really difficult decision-making times, and i so wish that i could be with her. at least i can listen from afar. and maybe meet up on a saturday to do some shopping. i miss her.
my irises beside my little apartment deck are blooming! it's so fun to see that - like my little bit of labor paid off. as if i could ever make a plant grow...
here's a picture:
Thursday, May 21, 2009
more accidents
and more grace.
"But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6
My husband was in another accident Tuesday night. He had gone to visit my brother in an unfamiliar city, and got lost. He pulled over to call for directions, but realized that he recognized where he was. He began to pull back onto the four-lane highway, and was hit by a car that swerved from the other lane. The car door is so deeply dented that the frame is bent. The glass is gone. The door won't open. But miraculously, my husband is okay. Sore, but okay.
We are thankful for the little graces, and for the big things - for his life, for the fact that we have a second car that was recently fixed, for my job, and for the beauty of the past few (rain-less) days.
Breathing.
"But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6
My husband was in another accident Tuesday night. He had gone to visit my brother in an unfamiliar city, and got lost. He pulled over to call for directions, but realized that he recognized where he was. He began to pull back onto the four-lane highway, and was hit by a car that swerved from the other lane. The car door is so deeply dented that the frame is bent. The glass is gone. The door won't open. But miraculously, my husband is okay. Sore, but okay.
We are thankful for the little graces, and for the big things - for his life, for the fact that we have a second car that was recently fixed, for my job, and for the beauty of the past few (rain-less) days.
Breathing.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
jolly good fun
on Sunday, we had been at my in-laws' house for the weekend, so we had a three hour drive back to our house. after that, my husband went directly to ultimate frisbee practice and a meeting, and i was stuck at home. no way i was doing clean up right away!
so i went for a run in the mild 32 degrees-F weather. it was beautiful! I took some pictures and really enjoyed running for a bit.
since it was perfect snowman weather, i made one. here he is:
it was also a great day for sunsets and snowy landscapes:
and i have much for which to be thankful.
Friday, January 23, 2009
finished
yesterday i finished a legwarmer. i had started knitting it a couple weeks ago, and it really felt like it was going to take forever. it turned out cute - gray with light pink and darker sparkly pink polka dots. i've decided that i am tired of changing yarn colors. my next project (which i've already started) involves simply holding two colors together. it's gonna be a cute, extra-soft gray hat for a friend of mine. and it's a welcome break from the polka dots.
this morning i woke up about an hour early - not my favorite thing - but it left me with plenty of snuggle time before i actually had to get a shower. i'm so thankful for my husband and his strong arms that hold me. i feel so comforted, so loved.
on to sparkles - i would normally not do such an outrageously glamorous thing, but i bought a pair of silver ballet flats. and not just silver, but sequined silver. they were $3. how could i resist? they go great with the gray dress pants i'm wearing, and they make my otherwise conservative, classic outfit look special. and not special in a negative way - a very positive, life-filled way.
i have a friend from college who is very blessed. she enjoys an extremely close relationship with God, and often has visions. i'm amazed at the depth of her insights, and at the way that she is so willing to hear and see the spiritual things. her friendship makes me want to know Jesus more, and to know Him in such a real, personal way. lately i've been feeling just comfortable, and i want a change to know that He's still there, that i'm where i need to be. i want a clear purpose, and to have a joy and strength that gets me through each moment. and not just to get through, but to really make a difference in other people's lives. i want to be filled with passion for the truth, i want to enjoy my work, and i want to know for sure that this is the direction i am to take. i want my dreams to make sense; i want to know His will.
am i really supposed to sit here making nearly minimum wage? is this my ministry? will i ever teach public school again? i'm feeling disillusioned. is there going to be grad school for me? and should i even consider it again - or just follow the dream of being a mother - the one thing i've wanted for my whole life? or have i?
Lord, you are my peace. You've established the work of my hands. You provide for all of my needs. And I must be grateful.
this morning i woke up about an hour early - not my favorite thing - but it left me with plenty of snuggle time before i actually had to get a shower. i'm so thankful for my husband and his strong arms that hold me. i feel so comforted, so loved.
on to sparkles - i would normally not do such an outrageously glamorous thing, but i bought a pair of silver ballet flats. and not just silver, but sequined silver. they were $3. how could i resist? they go great with the gray dress pants i'm wearing, and they make my otherwise conservative, classic outfit look special. and not special in a negative way - a very positive, life-filled way.
i have a friend from college who is very blessed. she enjoys an extremely close relationship with God, and often has visions. i'm amazed at the depth of her insights, and at the way that she is so willing to hear and see the spiritual things. her friendship makes me want to know Jesus more, and to know Him in such a real, personal way. lately i've been feeling just comfortable, and i want a change to know that He's still there, that i'm where i need to be. i want a clear purpose, and to have a joy and strength that gets me through each moment. and not just to get through, but to really make a difference in other people's lives. i want to be filled with passion for the truth, i want to enjoy my work, and i want to know for sure that this is the direction i am to take. i want my dreams to make sense; i want to know His will.
am i really supposed to sit here making nearly minimum wage? is this my ministry? will i ever teach public school again? i'm feeling disillusioned. is there going to be grad school for me? and should i even consider it again - or just follow the dream of being a mother - the one thing i've wanted for my whole life? or have i?
Lord, you are my peace. You've established the work of my hands. You provide for all of my needs. And I must be grateful.
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