poor, finite creatures
seeing glimpses of light
memories of brightness
and mostly darkness
weak, lonely beings
grasping handfuls of time
understanding little
until it passes
loved, cherished children
hearing stronger and clear
(you are not abandoned)
and I will hold you
---------------------L. L. Burr 2012
"For I know the plans I have for you..."
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding...he will make your paths straight."
"Because of your great compassion, you did not abandon them in the desert..."
"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love...As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him..."
"We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."
-----------------------
Well, friends, we're here at the end of August. Back-to-school sales are in full swing, some kiddos have stepped on the bus for the first time, and others have just entered their first college lecture hall. Teachers and professors have dusted off lesson plans and syllabi and are working to set the course for their semester. Counselors, principals, secretaries, and custodians have been hard at work preparing for the new year, and parents have been helping their children to adjust to the end of a summer filled with late nights, water balloons, sports, family reunions, campfires, and cartoons.
And I feel like I missed my bus. Like the world is going to go on without me, that I'm left at the end of the driveway by myself.
You know, like I pulled all my things together, organized my backpack, packed my lunch, put on the nice, new clothes, armed myself with my diplomas, and walked out the door just a moment too late.
But that's not completely true.
Yes, I'm armed with diplomas and teaching experience. I have my credentials, good references, an impressive resume, and an organized, ambitious spirit. I'm passionate about teaching students to explore the world of music, and I aim for excellence.
I am not moments too late.
I showed up, early, pressed and dressed. I had three promising interviews for positions that I was more than qualified to fill. And each time, found out that the position was given to someone else, that I wasn't the perfect fit they were looking for, that I would still be stuck here in my workout clothes trying to find a way to help our family make ends meet. Knowing full well that jobs are scarce in this area, yet clinging to the not-ideal, full-time position with benefits that allows hubby to draw a steady income so that we can pay our exorbitant rent and medical bills.
It's probably best that I didn't get any of those positions - each was at least a 45 minute drive from where we live. It's probably best that I'm not driving that far with a very pregnant belly in a vehicle that's a little too big for my 5'1" frame.
It just hurts. I know I could do each of those jobs very well, that students would like me and thrive, that administrators would approve, that communities would be influenced, and that excellence would take place. I know it would mean long hours, lots of driving, and lots of patience. I know it means a messier home and more things left undone here.
Did I take a wrong turn? Was that flash of light illuminating a path I thought I saw, or did I really see it? Why am I still left here, unemployed? Why is it so dark? How in the world am I going to get in two years of "mentored teaching experience" before my certificate extension expires (requiring me to take the certification exams again - a $300+ endeavor)?
Am I really supposed to be here? Still waiting?
We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You, Lord.
-------------
Who can know
the mind of our Creator?
Who can speak
of wonders yet unseen?
And who can reach
the heights of understanding
and play the notes of wisdom's melody?
Who has weighed
the dust of every mountain
And who has walked
the mysteries of the deep?
Who has laid the earth on its foundation
and who conducts the waves upon the sea?
I stand in awe of You
I stand in awe of You
So glorious and true
I stand in awe, I stand in awe
----------------------Martyn Layzell, "I Stand in Awe"
Showing posts with label unemployed. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unemployed. Show all posts
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Two years in review
It has been a very long, full two years! We've been blessed so richly, and we have so much to be thankful for.
It's hard to believe that I'm really finished with my graduate degree, that we're moving so soon, and that we're expecting a baby. Here's a quick (as quick as I can) review of the past two years:
July 31, 2010 - moved here with no jobs, a little bit of savings, and lots of hopes. Feeling pretty stressed because of some miscommunications with the landlords, and trying to get settled in our new place.
August - started grad work. Hubby was unemployed, and we had stopped receiving benefits from my unemployment. His undergraduate loans had just come due, too.
September - still making it on savings and Angel Food, but things are tight! School is overwhelming, and I feel like I'm actually majoring in email, not Choral Conducting.
October - we see the bottom of our bank account, and can't buy groceries. We're thanking God for the gas in our cars, for the rent and utilities being paid, and we're living out of our pantry. The in-laws bring a surprise load of groceries, and we're beyond relieved. Money is still tight, and a surprise check arrives in the mail from an anonymous friend. I burst into tears when I open it, knowing only God could prompt someone to be so generous.
November - Hubby gets a job!! Yay! But it's in a city an hour and 15 minutes away, it's a temporary position, and the shift is 11am to 10pm. Hubby leaves home at 9:30am and isn't home until 11:30pm. We only see each other on weekends, but at least we're living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, and counting it a blessing to have an income. School continues to be challenging, but I'm beginning to adjust. I've started praying with my friend, Nicki, every Thursday, and that helps so much! I've had the opportunity to be a part of conducting masterclasses and to step in for the College Choir director when he was gone. You can read more about my crazy month here.
December - Hubby has just Christmas Day off, so we try our best to see both families. We have car trouble with our little Nissan on Christmas morning, and we end up being late to see his family - frustrating! But we were safe. This is just one of many times we've had troubles with the electrical system in that car, even though it's three years newer and a lot nicer than our other vehicle.
January 2011 - Things are in full swing at school again, and I'm planning the final details of the Choir's tour to Florida and many of the states between NY and FL. I started a course called Theory Pedagogy, and the teacher doesn't think I'll do well - I feel taken aback by that! Hubby's temporary position has ended, and we're not sure we can afford the semester. We take a loan to be able to pay for my schooling. I still can't afford to take the conducting lessons I would love to have. We're still scraping the bottom of our bank account. But, God gives us another real-life miracle in a generous, anonymous friend. Near the middle of the month, he finds a new job with a computer repair shop. He loves it, it's closer to our house, normal hours, and he makes a pretty decent salary. My parents give us part of the pig they had purchased, and we're eventually able to pay them back for the meat.
February - The Choir goes on mini-tour, and I volunteer to drive four choir members to and from our run-out concert in a nearby city. On the way home, I hit two deer, totaling our Nissan. Everyone in the car was unharmed! AAA towed our car all the way to my in-laws, where my FIL realized it was beyond repair. After about a month with the computer repair shop, out of the blue, Hubby is let go. The boss' crazy mood swings and violent outbursts make it easy to leave, even though Hubby loved the work. Less than a week later, I left for Choir tour.
March - The insurance money from the car is more than we expected, and we put a lot of it into savings. Hubby applies for unemployment. I choose courses for the next semester, and friends take me to and from school for this month.
April - We still can't afford a new car, hubby doesn't have a job, and I'm trying to finish the semester well. Friends are still driving me to and from school, and I "pay" them in cookies. It's so hard to rely on other people. I got an A- in Theory Pedagogy, which I can only hope was a pleasant surprise to the teacher. We're living on the money from the car payment.
May - Friends of ours hear that we're in need of a car, and they offer us their Jeep, free of charge. A gift. We just need to go pick it up! We stand for my brother at his wedding. We begin the process of transferring our Jeep to NY state.
June - I take a three-week position at a music school in my parents' hometown, and enjoy teaching. Hubby keeps looking for work, and finally begins to receive unemployment benefits. We're both discouraged. We apply for Medicaid and start getting benefits. I switch to a new medication that makes me gain weight - so dumb. Hate it.
July - We celebrate my birthday at my parents' house, and hubby gives me flowers. When I come home, he has cleaned the house and put out a bottle of nice wine: the rest of my birthday/anniversary present. We celebrate our anniversary with a trip to a museum and use a gift card for a dinner out. Beautiful.
August - School is starting again, and hubby has a lead on a job. He interviews, and they call him for a second interview. We're nervous, but we're trusting that God will provide for us. We still have some money left from the car payment, the Jeep is finally on the road, and we have food to eat.
September - I count it a blessing that my textbooks this semester only cost $30. It has been so nice to be able to drive myself to and from school. Hubby has his second interview, and we're excited about it!
October - I have a couple opportunities to conduct the College Choir, and I'm loving my history of church music class. I feel like things are going pretty well. Hubby has his third interview, and is hired! We're excited and relieved. We figure the cost of commuting daily, and find out that it's more expensive for him to commute than to rent a room near his new workplace in a city an hour and a half away. We make the hard decision to rent a second place for him near work.
November - I have quite the emotional breakdown, and check myself into counseling. I can't deal with Hubby being gone all the time, and I feel pressured to take care of our whole house like we did together. I'm overwhelmed. I have serious upset stomachs, I cry all the time at home, and I can't motivate myself to do homework or housework. Hubby does well at his new job, and comes home on weekends. I try to be positive, but my emotional state is weighing on him. I finally get my medication switched, and I'm able to lose the weight I gained.
December - The Choir presents three concerts in a row, and I'm exhausted! The last week of the semester is tough, but I finish with (unbelievably) a 4.0. It's the first 4.0 I've ever had in my graduate schooling! It's a huge blessing. I'm beginning to adjust to our new normal, and look forward to some rest over Christmas break. I realize that my car needs to be inspected, so I take it in. Long story short, I was there six different times, and it still wouldn't pass inspection.
January 2012 - Hubby continues at his new job, we have good insurance now, and things are looking up. I start my final semester, and begin to plan my recital. I get to work with my own ensemble this semester, and I'm excited. Hubby takes the car to his dad, who takes it to his trusted mechanic. They can't figure out what's wrong. I ask friends to take me to and from school yet again. I have great friends, by the way.
February - We celebrate Valentine's Day early, and Hubby gives me the sweetest gift. We're excited! Not more than two days later, we finally get our car back with a temporary inspection sticker. I'm relieved to have the freedom to drive myself to and from school.
March - The Choir tours over Easter, and I wonder if I might be pregnant. When I get home, I know for sure, and surprise the hubby with an early "birthday" gift - he's a daddy!
April - This last month is crazy! I'm trying to fit in all the final work for my classes, writing a 25 page paper, rehearsing and preparing for my recital, trying to study, trying to fit in exercise - and I'm so exhausted. I have to eat six mini-meals a day, and I actually take naps at school. I feel overwhelmed! Hubby tries to help me to relax, and encourages me, reminding me that I can do this. I pray that God would work through me and complete this work well!
May - We're almost done with this separation thing! We find an apartment, sign a lease, and start packing. I have my recital, comprehensive oral exit exam, Choral Seminar exam, Music Listening exam, first baby appointment, and accompany for five juries, all in the space of five days. Then, I spend the weekend and all day Monday writing my paper - it's only 20 pages, but I'm turning it in. Graduation arrives, and I'm so relieved! Hubby and my parents were able to be there, and they're so proud of me. I can't believe I'm done!
To top it all off, I earned another 4.0, and my overall GPA is 3.88. Only God could have done that! I'm feeling so blessed.
We got to see Baby on a sonogram, and I heard Baby's heartbeat at my second appointment. We're almost ready to move, and we are so excited to start this second chapter of our lives. God has been so good to us!
We've been through so many difficult things, but I know that God is the one who carried us through. Our marriage continues to be strong, and we're excited for what God will do through us. We're so thankful for our Little One, and we're praying that God continues to meet our needs. When we move, I'll be looking for a job, and we're hoping it will be a decent income! It would be wonderful if we could bank most of one of our paychecks, using the other one to live on. We'll see how God decides to bless us - even hard times can be a blessing. He is the one who provides the opportunities for us, and He is the one who provides life for each day. We have so much to be thankful for!
It's hard to believe that I'm really finished with my graduate degree, that we're moving so soon, and that we're expecting a baby. Here's a quick (as quick as I can) review of the past two years:
July 31, 2010 - moved here with no jobs, a little bit of savings, and lots of hopes. Feeling pretty stressed because of some miscommunications with the landlords, and trying to get settled in our new place.
August - started grad work. Hubby was unemployed, and we had stopped receiving benefits from my unemployment. His undergraduate loans had just come due, too.
September - still making it on savings and Angel Food, but things are tight! School is overwhelming, and I feel like I'm actually majoring in email, not Choral Conducting.
October - we see the bottom of our bank account, and can't buy groceries. We're thanking God for the gas in our cars, for the rent and utilities being paid, and we're living out of our pantry. The in-laws bring a surprise load of groceries, and we're beyond relieved. Money is still tight, and a surprise check arrives in the mail from an anonymous friend. I burst into tears when I open it, knowing only God could prompt someone to be so generous.
November - Hubby gets a job!! Yay! But it's in a city an hour and 15 minutes away, it's a temporary position, and the shift is 11am to 10pm. Hubby leaves home at 9:30am and isn't home until 11:30pm. We only see each other on weekends, but at least we're living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, and counting it a blessing to have an income. School continues to be challenging, but I'm beginning to adjust. I've started praying with my friend, Nicki, every Thursday, and that helps so much! I've had the opportunity to be a part of conducting masterclasses and to step in for the College Choir director when he was gone. You can read more about my crazy month here.
December - Hubby has just Christmas Day off, so we try our best to see both families. We have car trouble with our little Nissan on Christmas morning, and we end up being late to see his family - frustrating! But we were safe. This is just one of many times we've had troubles with the electrical system in that car, even though it's three years newer and a lot nicer than our other vehicle.
January 2011 - Things are in full swing at school again, and I'm planning the final details of the Choir's tour to Florida and many of the states between NY and FL. I started a course called Theory Pedagogy, and the teacher doesn't think I'll do well - I feel taken aback by that! Hubby's temporary position has ended, and we're not sure we can afford the semester. We take a loan to be able to pay for my schooling. I still can't afford to take the conducting lessons I would love to have. We're still scraping the bottom of our bank account. But, God gives us another real-life miracle in a generous, anonymous friend. Near the middle of the month, he finds a new job with a computer repair shop. He loves it, it's closer to our house, normal hours, and he makes a pretty decent salary. My parents give us part of the pig they had purchased, and we're eventually able to pay them back for the meat.
February - The Choir goes on mini-tour, and I volunteer to drive four choir members to and from our run-out concert in a nearby city. On the way home, I hit two deer, totaling our Nissan. Everyone in the car was unharmed! AAA towed our car all the way to my in-laws, where my FIL realized it was beyond repair. After about a month with the computer repair shop, out of the blue, Hubby is let go. The boss' crazy mood swings and violent outbursts make it easy to leave, even though Hubby loved the work. Less than a week later, I left for Choir tour.
March - The insurance money from the car is more than we expected, and we put a lot of it into savings. Hubby applies for unemployment. I choose courses for the next semester, and friends take me to and from school for this month.
April - We still can't afford a new car, hubby doesn't have a job, and I'm trying to finish the semester well. Friends are still driving me to and from school, and I "pay" them in cookies. It's so hard to rely on other people. I got an A- in Theory Pedagogy, which I can only hope was a pleasant surprise to the teacher. We're living on the money from the car payment.
May - Friends of ours hear that we're in need of a car, and they offer us their Jeep, free of charge. A gift. We just need to go pick it up! We stand for my brother at his wedding. We begin the process of transferring our Jeep to NY state.
June - I take a three-week position at a music school in my parents' hometown, and enjoy teaching. Hubby keeps looking for work, and finally begins to receive unemployment benefits. We're both discouraged. We apply for Medicaid and start getting benefits. I switch to a new medication that makes me gain weight - so dumb. Hate it.
July - We celebrate my birthday at my parents' house, and hubby gives me flowers. When I come home, he has cleaned the house and put out a bottle of nice wine: the rest of my birthday/anniversary present. We celebrate our anniversary with a trip to a museum and use a gift card for a dinner out. Beautiful.
August - School is starting again, and hubby has a lead on a job. He interviews, and they call him for a second interview. We're nervous, but we're trusting that God will provide for us. We still have some money left from the car payment, the Jeep is finally on the road, and we have food to eat.
September - I count it a blessing that my textbooks this semester only cost $30. It has been so nice to be able to drive myself to and from school. Hubby has his second interview, and we're excited about it!
October - I have a couple opportunities to conduct the College Choir, and I'm loving my history of church music class. I feel like things are going pretty well. Hubby has his third interview, and is hired! We're excited and relieved. We figure the cost of commuting daily, and find out that it's more expensive for him to commute than to rent a room near his new workplace in a city an hour and a half away. We make the hard decision to rent a second place for him near work.
November - I have quite the emotional breakdown, and check myself into counseling. I can't deal with Hubby being gone all the time, and I feel pressured to take care of our whole house like we did together. I'm overwhelmed. I have serious upset stomachs, I cry all the time at home, and I can't motivate myself to do homework or housework. Hubby does well at his new job, and comes home on weekends. I try to be positive, but my emotional state is weighing on him. I finally get my medication switched, and I'm able to lose the weight I gained.
December - The Choir presents three concerts in a row, and I'm exhausted! The last week of the semester is tough, but I finish with (unbelievably) a 4.0. It's the first 4.0 I've ever had in my graduate schooling! It's a huge blessing. I'm beginning to adjust to our new normal, and look forward to some rest over Christmas break. I realize that my car needs to be inspected, so I take it in. Long story short, I was there six different times, and it still wouldn't pass inspection.
January 2012 - Hubby continues at his new job, we have good insurance now, and things are looking up. I start my final semester, and begin to plan my recital. I get to work with my own ensemble this semester, and I'm excited. Hubby takes the car to his dad, who takes it to his trusted mechanic. They can't figure out what's wrong. I ask friends to take me to and from school yet again. I have great friends, by the way.
February - We celebrate Valentine's Day early, and Hubby gives me the sweetest gift. We're excited! Not more than two days later, we finally get our car back with a temporary inspection sticker. I'm relieved to have the freedom to drive myself to and from school.
March - The Choir tours over Easter, and I wonder if I might be pregnant. When I get home, I know for sure, and surprise the hubby with an early "birthday" gift - he's a daddy!
April - This last month is crazy! I'm trying to fit in all the final work for my classes, writing a 25 page paper, rehearsing and preparing for my recital, trying to study, trying to fit in exercise - and I'm so exhausted. I have to eat six mini-meals a day, and I actually take naps at school. I feel overwhelmed! Hubby tries to help me to relax, and encourages me, reminding me that I can do this. I pray that God would work through me and complete this work well!
May - We're almost done with this separation thing! We find an apartment, sign a lease, and start packing. I have my recital, comprehensive oral exit exam, Choral Seminar exam, Music Listening exam, first baby appointment, and accompany for five juries, all in the space of five days. Then, I spend the weekend and all day Monday writing my paper - it's only 20 pages, but I'm turning it in. Graduation arrives, and I'm so relieved! Hubby and my parents were able to be there, and they're so proud of me. I can't believe I'm done!
To top it all off, I earned another 4.0, and my overall GPA is 3.88. Only God could have done that! I'm feeling so blessed.
We got to see Baby on a sonogram, and I heard Baby's heartbeat at my second appointment. We're almost ready to move, and we are so excited to start this second chapter of our lives. God has been so good to us!
We've been through so many difficult things, but I know that God is the one who carried us through. Our marriage continues to be strong, and we're excited for what God will do through us. We're so thankful for our Little One, and we're praying that God continues to meet our needs. When we move, I'll be looking for a job, and we're hoping it will be a decent income! It would be wonderful if we could bank most of one of our paychecks, using the other one to live on. We'll see how God decides to bless us - even hard times can be a blessing. He is the one who provides the opportunities for us, and He is the one who provides life for each day. We have so much to be thankful for!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
thanks to God for everything
everything.
for rain when it's needed, and when I can't understand why. For unemployment and for work. For relational stress and the much sweeter resolution.
Why would I thank God for trouble? It's a commandment, for one. Is it easy? No. But it's an affirmation that God is in control of my life, and that He sees infinite universes, times, outcomes - and that He will ultimately bring these things together for good.
Not that it's not hard, or that I feel happy all the time. Not that I like being materially poor. Not that I can go into the grocery store without wishing that I could buy organic or "extras" like crackers, cookies, ice cream, mangoes, avacados, my husband's favorite soda. Not that I don't feel jealous when friends and family members buy their first homes, have adorable babies, remodel beautifully, and haven't ever been to a secondhand clothing store.
But I'm choosing to allow my tears to fall down, and thanking God for the many ways He holds my life together. Perhaps part of the plan will be revealed to me, but even if it isn't, I'll still trust. I'll still rejoice in the little things.
The joy of the Lord is my strength.
for rain when it's needed, and when I can't understand why. For unemployment and for work. For relational stress and the much sweeter resolution.
Why would I thank God for trouble? It's a commandment, for one. Is it easy? No. But it's an affirmation that God is in control of my life, and that He sees infinite universes, times, outcomes - and that He will ultimately bring these things together for good.
Not that it's not hard, or that I feel happy all the time. Not that I like being materially poor. Not that I can go into the grocery store without wishing that I could buy organic or "extras" like crackers, cookies, ice cream, mangoes, avacados, my husband's favorite soda. Not that I don't feel jealous when friends and family members buy their first homes, have adorable babies, remodel beautifully, and haven't ever been to a secondhand clothing store.
But I'm choosing to allow my tears to fall down, and thanking God for the many ways He holds my life together. Perhaps part of the plan will be revealed to me, but even if it isn't, I'll still trust. I'll still rejoice in the little things.
The joy of the Lord is my strength.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
a hymn for unemployment
For any circumstance, really! This hymn by Frances Ridley Havergal (1836-1879) is set to a familiar tune by Samuel Wesley (1810-1876) - "The Church's One Foundation."
Another Year is Dawning
Another year is dawning: Dear Father let it be,
In working or in waiting, Another year with thee;
Another year of progress, Another year of praise,
Another year of proving Thy presence all the days;
Another year of mercies, Of faithfulness and grace;
Another year of gladness In the shining of thy face;
Another year of leaning Upon thy loving breast;
Another year of trusting, Of quiet, happy rest;
Another year of service, Of witness for thy love;
Another year of training For holier work above.
Another year is dawning: Dear Father, let it be,
On earth or else in heaven, Another year for thee.
Monday, November 16, 2009
feeling grateful
and overwhelmed. and humbled.
we received a box of Angel Food this past week - it's a ministry that provides low cost food to families that need it. It's only $30 for a box of food that's intended to feed a family of four for a week!
i wasn't anticipating how much food that would be...when i brought it home, it was actually a struggle to fit it all in the freezer and fridge! wow.
it's humbling to be on unemployment, to need other people's help, and to accept charity. But it's really a good thing for us to be in a place where we have to rely on other people. it makes us less proud - or i hope that's what it's doing for me!
still hoping for a job so that we can be self-sufficient. so that we can pay our bills without worry. so that we can be the ones helping others. maybe soon?
we received a box of Angel Food this past week - it's a ministry that provides low cost food to families that need it. It's only $30 for a box of food that's intended to feed a family of four for a week!
i wasn't anticipating how much food that would be...when i brought it home, it was actually a struggle to fit it all in the freezer and fridge! wow.
it's humbling to be on unemployment, to need other people's help, and to accept charity. But it's really a good thing for us to be in a place where we have to rely on other people. it makes us less proud - or i hope that's what it's doing for me!
still hoping for a job so that we can be self-sufficient. so that we can pay our bills without worry. so that we can be the ones helping others. maybe soon?
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
a new member of our household
Introducing: Oscar the Cat.
he's a five-pound ball of soft tabby fur, cuddly as can be, and hardly ever stops purring. my husband surprised me with him just a couple weeks ago! it has been fun to have "someone" at home with me while Brad is off at school and work all day.
it has been a long summer without having a job on the horizon. admittedly, i did have five good interviews, the most recent being last friday. however, none of them have turned out to be a job for me. it's disappointing, not to mention trying. i know many many people in our country have been jobless for much longer than me. i feel your pain. it's hard to admit that i'm on unemployment, that i'm going to try to get food stamps. it's hard to realize that this week, there's only $XXX in your bank account, and that rent is due next week. it's not enough.
nevertheless, i know that God will continue to provide for us. my husband has a part-time job in addition to his grad studies. that's pulling some in for us. i have a possibility of being the part-time worship music coordinator for our church, and that would be helpful, too.
we will see.
and on a completely different note, i made a glove. it's a fair first-attempt, i think. check it out! i used self-striping sock yarn...a fun choice, i think! the "trim" at the wrist is a k2tog, yo repetition.
Friday, May 29, 2009
me minus a job = God has other plans
but it doesn't mean i like it.
sure, this wasn't my favorite job, but i have been grateful for it. i'm thankful for the money that i made by doing this.
i feel angry at my managers for the way they handled this. not only did they give me just under 2 weeks notice, they then asked me to stay silent about it until today, when they announced that i was leaving at the weekly meeting. oh, and the reason? they're downsizing. the economy is poor. we have more staff per agents than other offices in other cities. we're not making as much as we used to. they're cutting my position and spreading out my jobs around the other staff members (who are already quite busy, thank you).
and all they said at the meeting: "she's leaving, she has some leads on jobs, and we wish her well." nothing about "our company is downsizing" or "this was not her decision." it makes me angry, because now i have 75 agents saying to me "oh, we'll miss you," "why are you leaving?," "do you have a teaching job?" No, actually, the truth is that i'm completely unemployed.
my husband is also unemployed.
this is when i have to thank God for the money he has allowed us to save, and that we will somehow make it through the summer, even if neither one of us gets a job.
breathing.
all that said, it hurts. i want to cry. i want to yell at them that this puts me in an extremely difficult situation, that my husband's grad school expenses and our housing have eaten most of my salary, that i'm not sure if i can make it through the summer even if i do get a teaching job for next fall. i feel angry, disappointed, dropped, discarded, worthless, and betrayed. not to mention scared.
i just want to cry, and i can't do that here. can i?
i realize that God has other plans, and that something will work out rather well for us. We need to try to trust Him. i know. it should be easy, right? He hasn't failed me, and I know He won't.
it still hurts.
sure, this wasn't my favorite job, but i have been grateful for it. i'm thankful for the money that i made by doing this.
i feel angry at my managers for the way they handled this. not only did they give me just under 2 weeks notice, they then asked me to stay silent about it until today, when they announced that i was leaving at the weekly meeting. oh, and the reason? they're downsizing. the economy is poor. we have more staff per agents than other offices in other cities. we're not making as much as we used to. they're cutting my position and spreading out my jobs around the other staff members (who are already quite busy, thank you).
and all they said at the meeting: "she's leaving, she has some leads on jobs, and we wish her well." nothing about "our company is downsizing" or "this was not her decision." it makes me angry, because now i have 75 agents saying to me "oh, we'll miss you," "why are you leaving?," "do you have a teaching job?" No, actually, the truth is that i'm completely unemployed.
my husband is also unemployed.
this is when i have to thank God for the money he has allowed us to save, and that we will somehow make it through the summer, even if neither one of us gets a job.
breathing.
all that said, it hurts. i want to cry. i want to yell at them that this puts me in an extremely difficult situation, that my husband's grad school expenses and our housing have eaten most of my salary, that i'm not sure if i can make it through the summer even if i do get a teaching job for next fall. i feel angry, disappointed, dropped, discarded, worthless, and betrayed. not to mention scared.
i just want to cry, and i can't do that here. can i?
i realize that God has other plans, and that something will work out rather well for us. We need to try to trust Him. i know. it should be easy, right? He hasn't failed me, and I know He won't.
it still hurts.
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