Our life is changing, along with the seasons. Joshua can say more words clearly, my belly grows larger, and my husband continues to excel at his job, too. We found, or rather, a car fell into our laps, and we were able to purchase it. We somehow, suddenly, have a second vehicle, a second car seat, and I can take Joshua out for the day. The little guy started showing an interest in toilet training, so he's doing that, too. And to top it all off? Our little tiny baby is not a second son, but a daughter. A girl!
Talk about a change! Bring on the glitter, flowers, frills, tea parties, and dollies. This momma is so excited.
And I am embracing every solo moment with my sweet, kind little boy. Exploring outside, learning about dirt, rocks, and tractors, playing with his little friends. Even when he has an accident on the floor or an untimely tantrum. No, those are not fun moments, but they pass so quickly. And he needs me to be invested in him, not in what he does. I am trying. I wake each day and pray for strength and wisdom to meet the challenges of the day. This song comes to mind, and sometimes I sing it to Joshie at bedtime for his lullaby:
Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here.
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,
I've no cause for worry or for fear.
He whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best.
Lovingly, it's part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.
Every day, the Lord himself is near me,
With a special mercy for each hour.
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He whose name is Counselor and Power.
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on himself He laid.
As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure -
This the pledge to me He made.
Help me, then, in every tribulation,
So to trust thy promises, O Lord.
That I lose not faith's sweet consolation
Offered me within thy holy word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take, as from a Father's hand.
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
'Till I reach the promised land.
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
little things: a long time coming
The last time I published was in May. There are many excuses. But here I am, anyway, with good news!
There will be another little one added to our family in mid-January! We got to see our tiny baby just last week via ultrasound, and six weeks earlier saw his or her strong, beating heart. What a blessing and an answer to our prayers. God is good to us!
The baby will be about 25 months younger than Joshua, which I think sounds just about perfect. They'll get to grow up together, play together, and have each other to lean on as they go through life.
I'm praying for strength, peace, and grace to be a good mommy to the two little blessings that we've been given!
I do think I could now do a list of the little things, don't you?
1. Our tiny baby with wiggly hands and feet, and a strong heartbeat
2. My Joshua giving me kisses and picking flowers for me when we're outside
3. Having the opportunity this past June to teach at summer music school again
4. Being able to be there for a friend as she adjusts to her newest little one
5. Sharing maternity clothes with friends
6. Already being past the nausea and food aversions, and feeling more energetic
7. The blessing of peace in place of my fear for this pregnancy
8. The conversations Brad and I have already had about possible names for our littlest
9. Quiet evenings and nights of unbroken sleep, thanks to a certain newly sleeping-through-the-night toddler
10. Being blessed in so many ways because God is good. He is holy, sovereign, and in control. That he has his glory and his purpose in mind, even in the most difficult of times. That he hears our hearts' cries and holds us in every moment.
I may someday share about the depth of pain and struggle that we've been through, but for now, it's enough to know that God is faithful, that he is present, and that we are held in his hands no matter the circumstance.
I am so thankful!
There will be another little one added to our family in mid-January! We got to see our tiny baby just last week via ultrasound, and six weeks earlier saw his or her strong, beating heart. What a blessing and an answer to our prayers. God is good to us!
The baby will be about 25 months younger than Joshua, which I think sounds just about perfect. They'll get to grow up together, play together, and have each other to lean on as they go through life.
I'm praying for strength, peace, and grace to be a good mommy to the two little blessings that we've been given!
I do think I could now do a list of the little things, don't you?
1. Our tiny baby with wiggly hands and feet, and a strong heartbeat
2. My Joshua giving me kisses and picking flowers for me when we're outside
3. Having the opportunity this past June to teach at summer music school again
4. Being able to be there for a friend as she adjusts to her newest little one
5. Sharing maternity clothes with friends
6. Already being past the nausea and food aversions, and feeling more energetic
7. The blessing of peace in place of my fear for this pregnancy
8. The conversations Brad and I have already had about possible names for our littlest
9. Quiet evenings and nights of unbroken sleep, thanks to a certain newly sleeping-through-the-night toddler
10. Being blessed in so many ways because God is good. He is holy, sovereign, and in control. That he has his glory and his purpose in mind, even in the most difficult of times. That he hears our hearts' cries and holds us in every moment.
I may someday share about the depth of pain and struggle that we've been through, but for now, it's enough to know that God is faithful, that he is present, and that we are held in his hands no matter the circumstance.
I am so thankful!
Saturday, November 30, 2013
firsts
Our first year as parents is almost over! Our sweet little guy will be one year old in just a few days, and it's so hard to believe. We have so much to be thankful for. Mercy upon mercy. Grace upon grace. So many blessings, achings, joys, sorrows, exhilarations, fears.
Joshua's first Thanksgiving was a cozy family gathering with his paternal grandparents. I completely forgot to take any pictures, and the camera stayed in the car the whole time! I'm pretty disappointed about that. We enjoyed a warm, play-filled couple of days by the fireplace, with snow falling outside and delicious dinners inside. There was a trip to a local tree nursery to see their decorated Christmas trees, and a brisk excursion to a small-town parade with Santa at the end. There were lots of stories and jokes told, a few rounds of Skip-Bo, and quite a few sweets.
We are blessed. Home, family, friends, safety, health, warmth, love.
Remembering the little things, and thanking the beyond-comprehension God who orchestrates it all and loves us more than we could possibly imagine.
Joshua's first Thanksgiving was a cozy family gathering with his paternal grandparents. I completely forgot to take any pictures, and the camera stayed in the car the whole time! I'm pretty disappointed about that. We enjoyed a warm, play-filled couple of days by the fireplace, with snow falling outside and delicious dinners inside. There was a trip to a local tree nursery to see their decorated Christmas trees, and a brisk excursion to a small-town parade with Santa at the end. There were lots of stories and jokes told, a few rounds of Skip-Bo, and quite a few sweets.
We are blessed. Home, family, friends, safety, health, warmth, love.
Remembering the little things, and thanking the beyond-comprehension God who orchestrates it all and loves us more than we could possibly imagine.
Monday, November 19, 2012
reasons to be thankful
For the little things, of course. Those things we overlook. Expect a "little things" post sometime soon.
Why do we, as a nation, take a holiday to be thankful? The Pilgrims celebrated their survival through hardship, friendships old and new, and religious freedom. Certainly, we take a holiday to remember the start of our nation and the beginning of these freedoms we take for granted, the beginning of a country whose national ideals were based on biblically sound principals: valuing all people and their God-given rights to life. We take a holiday to slow down and breathe before a truly busy season that does not often include rest. There's a religious practice called anamnesis - a literal re-remembering of who and what we are, where we came from, how we've been blessed, and to Whom we give thanks. We take time to reenact and remember the past because of how those memories of God's faithfulness can bless us in the situation we're in now.
But other reasons?
Thankfulness helps us to see what really matters in life, and what makes living worthwhile.
Thankfulness, when it's the first thought in my mind, helps me to forgive both myself and others.
Thankfulness leads to contentment.
Thankfulness keeps me from sinking into depression.
Thankfulness causes me to be mindful of all that I have already, and helps me to notice what others might need.
Thankfulness reminds me to pray, and to praise God for what He has allowed and orchestrated in my life.
Thankfulness fosters joy in my heart as I remember how truly blessed I am.
What things come to mind as you take the time to be thankful?
Why do we, as a nation, take a holiday to be thankful? The Pilgrims celebrated their survival through hardship, friendships old and new, and religious freedom. Certainly, we take a holiday to remember the start of our nation and the beginning of these freedoms we take for granted, the beginning of a country whose national ideals were based on biblically sound principals: valuing all people and their God-given rights to life. We take a holiday to slow down and breathe before a truly busy season that does not often include rest. There's a religious practice called anamnesis - a literal re-remembering of who and what we are, where we came from, how we've been blessed, and to Whom we give thanks. We take time to reenact and remember the past because of how those memories of God's faithfulness can bless us in the situation we're in now.
But other reasons?
Thankfulness helps us to see what really matters in life, and what makes living worthwhile.
Thankfulness, when it's the first thought in my mind, helps me to forgive both myself and others.
Thankfulness leads to contentment.
Thankfulness keeps me from sinking into depression.
Thankfulness causes me to be mindful of all that I have already, and helps me to notice what others might need.
Thankfulness reminds me to pray, and to praise God for what He has allowed and orchestrated in my life.
Thankfulness fosters joy in my heart as I remember how truly blessed I am.
What things come to mind as you take the time to be thankful?
Monday, October 1, 2012
struggles
I've always been one that thrives on approval, who likes a bit of a pat on the back for what I've accomplished. This is one reason that I always did so well in school; the straight-As spelled out on report cards felt so real, permanent, definitive.
Adult life isn't like that, though. No one grades your performance, regardless of how "watched" or "compared" you might feel.
And that's still hard for me to let go of.
Social networking sites could be blamed for furthering this comparison of "success" - where is she working? What has she done so far today? How did he manage to get his doctorate before I've even finished my master's degree? Why are they able to buy a house, and we're still renting an almost-good apartment? How does she manage to get all the laundry done and the whole house cleaned in one morning while she's 8 months pregnant and chasing three kids? Why? Do I measure up?
Sometimes all these success stories - innocuous in themselves, of course, and things that perhaps should be celebrated - make me feel so small. I'm happy for them, yes, but what's wrong with me? Why am I not as far along in life, so to speak, as they are? Wasn't I always at the top of my class? Then, it's easy to sink into depression for a bit. I think about the should-have, could-have, might-have-been-able-to, and I keep on feeling like I've failed, somehow. Like if my baby boy doesn't have a perfectly decorated nursery, he's going to be at a disadvantage. If I can't make good-enough Christmas gifts, we're going to look stingy, and worse, poor (but we do have so little). Like if we don't own the place we live, it can't still be the best use of our money right now. Like I should have a full-time job (what's wrong with me?), a second car, and the money to spare to be able to give to charities in the area and around the world. Like it shouldn't feel like such a terrible sacrifice to tithe. Like I should be able to go to the grocery store without planning in advance exactly what and how much I'm going to buy, because if I buy more, we'll overdraw the account.
And on a different note, I really miss making music so often. I miss having a piano in my house so that I can play a bit each day, so that hubby and I can share that together. I miss playing on the worship team; our church rarely needs us to play. We want to serve!
The pastor spoke yesterday about John the Baptist, a man that God used to prepare the way for Jesus' earthly ministry. John was a wild-looking guy, who lived and preached in the desert, an unlikely character for announcing the world's Messiah. Pastor went on to say that God will often use the ones who have little, because God's power is shown more clearly through them.
So if I don't have it all together, if we're just scraping by, but we can continue to praise God for our health, food, shelter, and each other, and of course, our salvation, what else do we need? Maybe God will use us, though we have almost nothing, to make a beautiful difference to someone else. Maybe I will be a blessing. Maybe my empty hands will be filled with something better than I thought I wanted. Maybe my hurting heart will be healed and strengthened beyond what I ever dreamed.
My hope is built on Jesus, not on what I can do, what I have, where I am in life, and how many pennies I hold. All that matters is that we continue to trust his plan for our lives, living in a way that helps others to see his work in us.
Adult life isn't like that, though. No one grades your performance, regardless of how "watched" or "compared" you might feel.
And that's still hard for me to let go of.
Social networking sites could be blamed for furthering this comparison of "success" - where is she working? What has she done so far today? How did he manage to get his doctorate before I've even finished my master's degree? Why are they able to buy a house, and we're still renting an almost-good apartment? How does she manage to get all the laundry done and the whole house cleaned in one morning while she's 8 months pregnant and chasing three kids? Why? Do I measure up?
Sometimes all these success stories - innocuous in themselves, of course, and things that perhaps should be celebrated - make me feel so small. I'm happy for them, yes, but what's wrong with me? Why am I not as far along in life, so to speak, as they are? Wasn't I always at the top of my class? Then, it's easy to sink into depression for a bit. I think about the should-have, could-have, might-have-been-able-to, and I keep on feeling like I've failed, somehow. Like if my baby boy doesn't have a perfectly decorated nursery, he's going to be at a disadvantage. If I can't make good-enough Christmas gifts, we're going to look stingy, and worse, poor (but we do have so little). Like if we don't own the place we live, it can't still be the best use of our money right now. Like I should have a full-time job (what's wrong with me?), a second car, and the money to spare to be able to give to charities in the area and around the world. Like it shouldn't feel like such a terrible sacrifice to tithe. Like I should be able to go to the grocery store without planning in advance exactly what and how much I'm going to buy, because if I buy more, we'll overdraw the account.
And on a different note, I really miss making music so often. I miss having a piano in my house so that I can play a bit each day, so that hubby and I can share that together. I miss playing on the worship team; our church rarely needs us to play. We want to serve!
The pastor spoke yesterday about John the Baptist, a man that God used to prepare the way for Jesus' earthly ministry. John was a wild-looking guy, who lived and preached in the desert, an unlikely character for announcing the world's Messiah. Pastor went on to say that God will often use the ones who have little, because God's power is shown more clearly through them.
So if I don't have it all together, if we're just scraping by, but we can continue to praise God for our health, food, shelter, and each other, and of course, our salvation, what else do we need? Maybe God will use us, though we have almost nothing, to make a beautiful difference to someone else. Maybe I will be a blessing. Maybe my empty hands will be filled with something better than I thought I wanted. Maybe my hurting heart will be healed and strengthened beyond what I ever dreamed.
My hope is built on Jesus, not on what I can do, what I have, where I am in life, and how many pennies I hold. All that matters is that we continue to trust his plan for our lives, living in a way that helps others to see his work in us.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
little things
Sometimes I tell you a bit about the little things I notice and the blessings I'm thankful for...
...like the closed-up party-striped morning glories on our fence
2. the cardinal that visited our yard
3. my husband getting home right on time, with an uneventful drive
4. the food that has been in our home and on our plates every day
5. phone calls from family and friends
6. snuggly sweatpants and stretchy shirts that cover my growing baby belly
7. every little movement Baby makes
8. the many gifts we've received for our little one
9. my fall-scented candle
10. an opportunity to sing in a choir
And sometimes, there are really BIG little things.
Things like knowing our baby is healthy and normal.
Things like waking up next to my wonderful husband, rather than miles apart.
Things like a sweet lady at the women's retreat this weekend who decided that she wanted to pay for our groceries this week.
Things like the surprise, anonymous card in the mail, stuffed with a $50 restaurant gift card, and with only the word "ENJOY!" handwritten inside.
These are the things I can only thank God for! Anonymous friend, I cried tears of gratitude when I opened the card you sent. You might know that we're living paycheck to paycheck, that having a special date night was out of the question. Thank you for that precious gift!
To the woman at the retreat weekend: you make me feel so loved and cared for. To know that I can buy more than just milk, eggs, and bananas this week is such a blessing. I'm tearing up just thinking about your generosity.
To God alone, thank you. For meeting all our needs. For providing us with reassurance that our baby is healthy. For bringing us into the place where we are now, where we must rely on You fully. You are the one who directs our feet, who gives us peace in these difficult times.
...like the closed-up party-striped morning glories on our fence
2. the cardinal that visited our yard
3. my husband getting home right on time, with an uneventful drive
4. the food that has been in our home and on our plates every day
5. phone calls from family and friends
6. snuggly sweatpants and stretchy shirts that cover my growing baby belly
7. every little movement Baby makes
8. the many gifts we've received for our little one
9. my fall-scented candle
10. an opportunity to sing in a choir
And sometimes, there are really BIG little things.
Things like knowing our baby is healthy and normal.
Things like waking up next to my wonderful husband, rather than miles apart.
Things like a sweet lady at the women's retreat this weekend who decided that she wanted to pay for our groceries this week.
Things like the surprise, anonymous card in the mail, stuffed with a $50 restaurant gift card, and with only the word "ENJOY!" handwritten inside.
These are the things I can only thank God for! Anonymous friend, I cried tears of gratitude when I opened the card you sent. You might know that we're living paycheck to paycheck, that having a special date night was out of the question. Thank you for that precious gift!
To the woman at the retreat weekend: you make me feel so loved and cared for. To know that I can buy more than just milk, eggs, and bananas this week is such a blessing. I'm tearing up just thinking about your generosity.
To God alone, thank you. For meeting all our needs. For providing us with reassurance that our baby is healthy. For bringing us into the place where we are now, where we must rely on You fully. You are the one who directs our feet, who gives us peace in these difficult times.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
little things
Sometimes, it's the little things that mean the most.
1. My husband, Brad, telling me that, no matter how poor we are, it makes him feel like a rich man to have homemade pizza on Sunday.
2. Our baby boy kicking me most of the day and part of the night. It's a blessing to know he's active and healthy, even if the movement startles me or sometimes feels irritating. It's a precious treasure.
3. Having a variety of food to eat, and enough.
4. Bright pink nail polish on my toenails.
5. The sun shining through the trees. Tonight, the maple seed pods twinkled auburn, red, and gold: a hint of autumn.
6. My yarn stash, which has all the right colors for a number of adorable baby boy things. This is necessary, since two of my sisters-in-law are having baby boys this December, too!
7. Safety in the car, at Brad's flag football game, and at home.
8. A nice camera that captures memories.
9. Comfortable, stretchy, soft clothes to cover my growing belly - not new clothes, but good clothes.
10. Not being able to see the busy city street from any of my apartment's windows; instead, we see the leaves of trees, and only hear the traffic.
Dwelling on the blessings, which are many, and trying not to be sad for the things that are not as I wish they were. You, too?
All of my needs are met. Working on helping my heart to desire the things that are best.
1. My husband, Brad, telling me that, no matter how poor we are, it makes him feel like a rich man to have homemade pizza on Sunday.
2. Our baby boy kicking me most of the day and part of the night. It's a blessing to know he's active and healthy, even if the movement startles me or sometimes feels irritating. It's a precious treasure.
3. Having a variety of food to eat, and enough.
4. Bright pink nail polish on my toenails.
5. The sun shining through the trees. Tonight, the maple seed pods twinkled auburn, red, and gold: a hint of autumn.
6. My yarn stash, which has all the right colors for a number of adorable baby boy things. This is necessary, since two of my sisters-in-law are having baby boys this December, too!
7. Safety in the car, at Brad's flag football game, and at home.
8. A nice camera that captures memories.
9. Comfortable, stretchy, soft clothes to cover my growing belly - not new clothes, but good clothes.
10. Not being able to see the busy city street from any of my apartment's windows; instead, we see the leaves of trees, and only hear the traffic.
Dwelling on the blessings, which are many, and trying not to be sad for the things that are not as I wish they were. You, too?
All of my needs are met. Working on helping my heart to desire the things that are best.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
on moving
There's a C.S. Lewis quote somewhere that I can't find right now, but he said something like this:
The new home is quite tiresome until its new ways become as habitual as the old home.
Things like, say, knowing which light switches turn on the light in the hallway, how far to close the bathroom door before the hall door will open wide enough, how firmly to turn the handle, finding a light for above the sink, discovering the best times to open/close blinds, where to go running, how to get to the grocery store, finding a church to be a part of, getting used to the smells, the sounds, the sights, the neighbors...
We've relocated three times in our four years of marriage - the first to a just-outside-of-town, small apartment near Hubby's grad school (exciting, tiring, uneventful), the second to a rural 2-bedroom house near my grad school (terribly difficult, exhausting), and the third, just now, to an unfamiliar city (both a relief and overwhelming, but mostly uneventful).
The process is long and tiring. From packing up boxes and finding enough bubble wrap and tape, to cleaning the old (after packing) and the new place (before unpacking), carrying heavy loads more times than we thought we could, to the actual adjusting and unpacking and adventurous discovering, I really have a very emotional time getting through this moving thing.
Maybe it's being pregnant, but packing things away was both cathartic (textbooks, dishes I don't use, off-season clothes, thrift store pile) and emotional (the beautiful clay pot from our church, the photos, the hubby's shoes). I had some help from my mom and my in-laws, and I was thankful for that. At the same time, it was hard to accept help! We all have our ideas about how things should be done and where they should go, and it's hard to just let things be. For a while, I couldn't find the boxes for my everyday china, and it distressed me. The china was packed away in other boxes, while I ran out of boxes for other things!
And on the "having help" thing - people keep asking where I want things, how to put things away. Hubby asks questions to which I thought he should have already known the answers. The swiffer and the box of candles are in the attic instead of downstairs. The table linens were packed with the rugs. Some power strips were packed with a Pyrex dish.
I love having family and friends that care and help and ask and offer and just do things for us. At the same time, after I've been packing, cleaning, lifting, driving, lifting, and unpacking, it's so hard to be patient. I hope that I handled most things gracefully. I sure know when I didn't, and I hope my family will understand.
So, I'm sure you're wondering about this move, right? Well, we got the moving truck, on time, and with our discount applied from the last (terrible) moving experience. I didn't post about that one because I was so upset and afraid I would say something regrettable online. Anyway, we were loaded up and ready for pizza by about 12:45pm. We ate, took last minute pictures of the interior condition, and left.
Mom and I arrived first at the apartment at about 3pm, with the kitties in tow. We brought them inside and put them in our new office space so that they would be out of the way for all the craziness. I gave Mom a mini-tour of the place: office, hall, living room, bedroom, walk-in closet/baby's room, kitchen, bathroom, deck, and...the attic.
Just as I began to open the attic door, there were footsteps! Then scratching. And banging on the door, and more scratching. We got pretty nervous - what if it was a rabid raccoon, or a really big squirrel, or.... So I called the landlord, and asked for an exterminator. This was a holiday weekend, on a Saturday, so response was kinda slow. We moved in boxes anyway, filling the deck with the things to go to the attic once the animal was removed.
Our friends, Meg and Bob, showed up to help us unload. Thanks, guys! My parents, my in-laws, my brothers and their wives, and my sister were all there to help us, too. We couldn't have done it without you all!
By about 5pm, the animal exterminator had come - and removed the poor animal: a very dehydrated, very sad black kitty. The cat had belonged to the previous tenants, who had moved out over a month and a half ago. They claim that they couldn't find the cat when they moved, and he was just left behind! The poor thing had been living in the attic for the entire time. Very sad, indeed. We hope that he has a new family to take care of him.
The rest of the move-in was mostly fine. There are some areas of the house that have been badly stained and stink-ified from the poor kitty's bathroom needs, and we're having those addressed by the landlord. I've cleaned my best, but the scent seems to have sunk into the wood.
Our new neighbors downstairs seem friendly, and we're getting things put in their new places! Tomorrow, my family will be driving through on their way to a wedding, and we'll have them over for dinner. We're hoping they'll see a huge improvement in the place!
We're thankful for the ways that God has provided for us - financially, physically, emotionally. We're grateful to have a decent place to live, a landlord that seems to care about his rental units, and nice neighbors. We're hoping for a great stay here, and that God leads us clearly to our next steps in our life together.
The new home is quite tiresome until its new ways become as habitual as the old home.
We've relocated three times in our four years of marriage - the first to a just-outside-of-town, small apartment near Hubby's grad school (exciting, tiring, uneventful), the second to a rural 2-bedroom house near my grad school (terribly difficult, exhausting), and the third, just now, to an unfamiliar city (both a relief and overwhelming, but mostly uneventful).
The process is long and tiring. From packing up boxes and finding enough bubble wrap and tape, to cleaning the old (after packing) and the new place (before unpacking), carrying heavy loads more times than we thought we could, to the actual adjusting and unpacking and adventurous discovering, I really have a very emotional time getting through this moving thing.
Maybe it's being pregnant, but packing things away was both cathartic (textbooks, dishes I don't use, off-season clothes, thrift store pile) and emotional (the beautiful clay pot from our church, the photos, the hubby's shoes). I had some help from my mom and my in-laws, and I was thankful for that. At the same time, it was hard to accept help! We all have our ideas about how things should be done and where they should go, and it's hard to just let things be. For a while, I couldn't find the boxes for my everyday china, and it distressed me. The china was packed away in other boxes, while I ran out of boxes for other things!
And on the "having help" thing - people keep asking where I want things, how to put things away. Hubby asks questions to which I thought he should have already known the answers. The swiffer and the box of candles are in the attic instead of downstairs. The table linens were packed with the rugs. Some power strips were packed with a Pyrex dish.
I love having family and friends that care and help and ask and offer and just do things for us. At the same time, after I've been packing, cleaning, lifting, driving, lifting, and unpacking, it's so hard to be patient. I hope that I handled most things gracefully. I sure know when I didn't, and I hope my family will understand.
So, I'm sure you're wondering about this move, right? Well, we got the moving truck, on time, and with our discount applied from the last (terrible) moving experience. I didn't post about that one because I was so upset and afraid I would say something regrettable online. Anyway, we were loaded up and ready for pizza by about 12:45pm. We ate, took last minute pictures of the interior condition, and left.
Mom and I arrived first at the apartment at about 3pm, with the kitties in tow. We brought them inside and put them in our new office space so that they would be out of the way for all the craziness. I gave Mom a mini-tour of the place: office, hall, living room, bedroom, walk-in closet/baby's room, kitchen, bathroom, deck, and...the attic.
Just as I began to open the attic door, there were footsteps! Then scratching. And banging on the door, and more scratching. We got pretty nervous - what if it was a rabid raccoon, or a really big squirrel, or.... So I called the landlord, and asked for an exterminator. This was a holiday weekend, on a Saturday, so response was kinda slow. We moved in boxes anyway, filling the deck with the things to go to the attic once the animal was removed.
Our friends, Meg and Bob, showed up to help us unload. Thanks, guys! My parents, my in-laws, my brothers and their wives, and my sister were all there to help us, too. We couldn't have done it without you all!
By about 5pm, the animal exterminator had come - and removed the poor animal: a very dehydrated, very sad black kitty. The cat had belonged to the previous tenants, who had moved out over a month and a half ago. They claim that they couldn't find the cat when they moved, and he was just left behind! The poor thing had been living in the attic for the entire time. Very sad, indeed. We hope that he has a new family to take care of him.
The rest of the move-in was mostly fine. There are some areas of the house that have been badly stained and stink-ified from the poor kitty's bathroom needs, and we're having those addressed by the landlord. I've cleaned my best, but the scent seems to have sunk into the wood.
Our new neighbors downstairs seem friendly, and we're getting things put in their new places! Tomorrow, my family will be driving through on their way to a wedding, and we'll have them over for dinner. We're hoping they'll see a huge improvement in the place!
We're thankful for the ways that God has provided for us - financially, physically, emotionally. We're grateful to have a decent place to live, a landlord that seems to care about his rental units, and nice neighbors. We're hoping for a great stay here, and that God leads us clearly to our next steps in our life together.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Two years in review
It has been a very long, full two years! We've been blessed so richly, and we have so much to be thankful for.
It's hard to believe that I'm really finished with my graduate degree, that we're moving so soon, and that we're expecting a baby. Here's a quick (as quick as I can) review of the past two years:
July 31, 2010 - moved here with no jobs, a little bit of savings, and lots of hopes. Feeling pretty stressed because of some miscommunications with the landlords, and trying to get settled in our new place.
August - started grad work. Hubby was unemployed, and we had stopped receiving benefits from my unemployment. His undergraduate loans had just come due, too.
September - still making it on savings and Angel Food, but things are tight! School is overwhelming, and I feel like I'm actually majoring in email, not Choral Conducting.
October - we see the bottom of our bank account, and can't buy groceries. We're thanking God for the gas in our cars, for the rent and utilities being paid, and we're living out of our pantry. The in-laws bring a surprise load of groceries, and we're beyond relieved. Money is still tight, and a surprise check arrives in the mail from an anonymous friend. I burst into tears when I open it, knowing only God could prompt someone to be so generous.
November - Hubby gets a job!! Yay! But it's in a city an hour and 15 minutes away, it's a temporary position, and the shift is 11am to 10pm. Hubby leaves home at 9:30am and isn't home until 11:30pm. We only see each other on weekends, but at least we're living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, and counting it a blessing to have an income. School continues to be challenging, but I'm beginning to adjust. I've started praying with my friend, Nicki, every Thursday, and that helps so much! I've had the opportunity to be a part of conducting masterclasses and to step in for the College Choir director when he was gone. You can read more about my crazy month here.
December - Hubby has just Christmas Day off, so we try our best to see both families. We have car trouble with our little Nissan on Christmas morning, and we end up being late to see his family - frustrating! But we were safe. This is just one of many times we've had troubles with the electrical system in that car, even though it's three years newer and a lot nicer than our other vehicle.
January 2011 - Things are in full swing at school again, and I'm planning the final details of the Choir's tour to Florida and many of the states between NY and FL. I started a course called Theory Pedagogy, and the teacher doesn't think I'll do well - I feel taken aback by that! Hubby's temporary position has ended, and we're not sure we can afford the semester. We take a loan to be able to pay for my schooling. I still can't afford to take the conducting lessons I would love to have. We're still scraping the bottom of our bank account. But, God gives us another real-life miracle in a generous, anonymous friend. Near the middle of the month, he finds a new job with a computer repair shop. He loves it, it's closer to our house, normal hours, and he makes a pretty decent salary. My parents give us part of the pig they had purchased, and we're eventually able to pay them back for the meat.
February - The Choir goes on mini-tour, and I volunteer to drive four choir members to and from our run-out concert in a nearby city. On the way home, I hit two deer, totaling our Nissan. Everyone in the car was unharmed! AAA towed our car all the way to my in-laws, where my FIL realized it was beyond repair. After about a month with the computer repair shop, out of the blue, Hubby is let go. The boss' crazy mood swings and violent outbursts make it easy to leave, even though Hubby loved the work. Less than a week later, I left for Choir tour.
March - The insurance money from the car is more than we expected, and we put a lot of it into savings. Hubby applies for unemployment. I choose courses for the next semester, and friends take me to and from school for this month.
April - We still can't afford a new car, hubby doesn't have a job, and I'm trying to finish the semester well. Friends are still driving me to and from school, and I "pay" them in cookies. It's so hard to rely on other people. I got an A- in Theory Pedagogy, which I can only hope was a pleasant surprise to the teacher. We're living on the money from the car payment.
May - Friends of ours hear that we're in need of a car, and they offer us their Jeep, free of charge. A gift. We just need to go pick it up! We stand for my brother at his wedding. We begin the process of transferring our Jeep to NY state.
June - I take a three-week position at a music school in my parents' hometown, and enjoy teaching. Hubby keeps looking for work, and finally begins to receive unemployment benefits. We're both discouraged. We apply for Medicaid and start getting benefits. I switch to a new medication that makes me gain weight - so dumb. Hate it.
July - We celebrate my birthday at my parents' house, and hubby gives me flowers. When I come home, he has cleaned the house and put out a bottle of nice wine: the rest of my birthday/anniversary present. We celebrate our anniversary with a trip to a museum and use a gift card for a dinner out. Beautiful.
August - School is starting again, and hubby has a lead on a job. He interviews, and they call him for a second interview. We're nervous, but we're trusting that God will provide for us. We still have some money left from the car payment, the Jeep is finally on the road, and we have food to eat.
September - I count it a blessing that my textbooks this semester only cost $30. It has been so nice to be able to drive myself to and from school. Hubby has his second interview, and we're excited about it!
October - I have a couple opportunities to conduct the College Choir, and I'm loving my history of church music class. I feel like things are going pretty well. Hubby has his third interview, and is hired! We're excited and relieved. We figure the cost of commuting daily, and find out that it's more expensive for him to commute than to rent a room near his new workplace in a city an hour and a half away. We make the hard decision to rent a second place for him near work.
November - I have quite the emotional breakdown, and check myself into counseling. I can't deal with Hubby being gone all the time, and I feel pressured to take care of our whole house like we did together. I'm overwhelmed. I have serious upset stomachs, I cry all the time at home, and I can't motivate myself to do homework or housework. Hubby does well at his new job, and comes home on weekends. I try to be positive, but my emotional state is weighing on him. I finally get my medication switched, and I'm able to lose the weight I gained.
December - The Choir presents three concerts in a row, and I'm exhausted! The last week of the semester is tough, but I finish with (unbelievably) a 4.0. It's the first 4.0 I've ever had in my graduate schooling! It's a huge blessing. I'm beginning to adjust to our new normal, and look forward to some rest over Christmas break. I realize that my car needs to be inspected, so I take it in. Long story short, I was there six different times, and it still wouldn't pass inspection.
January 2012 - Hubby continues at his new job, we have good insurance now, and things are looking up. I start my final semester, and begin to plan my recital. I get to work with my own ensemble this semester, and I'm excited. Hubby takes the car to his dad, who takes it to his trusted mechanic. They can't figure out what's wrong. I ask friends to take me to and from school yet again. I have great friends, by the way.
February - We celebrate Valentine's Day early, and Hubby gives me the sweetest gift. We're excited! Not more than two days later, we finally get our car back with a temporary inspection sticker. I'm relieved to have the freedom to drive myself to and from school.
March - The Choir tours over Easter, and I wonder if I might be pregnant. When I get home, I know for sure, and surprise the hubby with an early "birthday" gift - he's a daddy!
April - This last month is crazy! I'm trying to fit in all the final work for my classes, writing a 25 page paper, rehearsing and preparing for my recital, trying to study, trying to fit in exercise - and I'm so exhausted. I have to eat six mini-meals a day, and I actually take naps at school. I feel overwhelmed! Hubby tries to help me to relax, and encourages me, reminding me that I can do this. I pray that God would work through me and complete this work well!
May - We're almost done with this separation thing! We find an apartment, sign a lease, and start packing. I have my recital, comprehensive oral exit exam, Choral Seminar exam, Music Listening exam, first baby appointment, and accompany for five juries, all in the space of five days. Then, I spend the weekend and all day Monday writing my paper - it's only 20 pages, but I'm turning it in. Graduation arrives, and I'm so relieved! Hubby and my parents were able to be there, and they're so proud of me. I can't believe I'm done!
To top it all off, I earned another 4.0, and my overall GPA is 3.88. Only God could have done that! I'm feeling so blessed.
We got to see Baby on a sonogram, and I heard Baby's heartbeat at my second appointment. We're almost ready to move, and we are so excited to start this second chapter of our lives. God has been so good to us!
We've been through so many difficult things, but I know that God is the one who carried us through. Our marriage continues to be strong, and we're excited for what God will do through us. We're so thankful for our Little One, and we're praying that God continues to meet our needs. When we move, I'll be looking for a job, and we're hoping it will be a decent income! It would be wonderful if we could bank most of one of our paychecks, using the other one to live on. We'll see how God decides to bless us - even hard times can be a blessing. He is the one who provides the opportunities for us, and He is the one who provides life for each day. We have so much to be thankful for!
It's hard to believe that I'm really finished with my graduate degree, that we're moving so soon, and that we're expecting a baby. Here's a quick (as quick as I can) review of the past two years:
July 31, 2010 - moved here with no jobs, a little bit of savings, and lots of hopes. Feeling pretty stressed because of some miscommunications with the landlords, and trying to get settled in our new place.
August - started grad work. Hubby was unemployed, and we had stopped receiving benefits from my unemployment. His undergraduate loans had just come due, too.
September - still making it on savings and Angel Food, but things are tight! School is overwhelming, and I feel like I'm actually majoring in email, not Choral Conducting.
October - we see the bottom of our bank account, and can't buy groceries. We're thanking God for the gas in our cars, for the rent and utilities being paid, and we're living out of our pantry. The in-laws bring a surprise load of groceries, and we're beyond relieved. Money is still tight, and a surprise check arrives in the mail from an anonymous friend. I burst into tears when I open it, knowing only God could prompt someone to be so generous.
November - Hubby gets a job!! Yay! But it's in a city an hour and 15 minutes away, it's a temporary position, and the shift is 11am to 10pm. Hubby leaves home at 9:30am and isn't home until 11:30pm. We only see each other on weekends, but at least we're living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, and counting it a blessing to have an income. School continues to be challenging, but I'm beginning to adjust. I've started praying with my friend, Nicki, every Thursday, and that helps so much! I've had the opportunity to be a part of conducting masterclasses and to step in for the College Choir director when he was gone. You can read more about my crazy month here.
December - Hubby has just Christmas Day off, so we try our best to see both families. We have car trouble with our little Nissan on Christmas morning, and we end up being late to see his family - frustrating! But we were safe. This is just one of many times we've had troubles with the electrical system in that car, even though it's three years newer and a lot nicer than our other vehicle.
January 2011 - Things are in full swing at school again, and I'm planning the final details of the Choir's tour to Florida and many of the states between NY and FL. I started a course called Theory Pedagogy, and the teacher doesn't think I'll do well - I feel taken aback by that! Hubby's temporary position has ended, and we're not sure we can afford the semester. We take a loan to be able to pay for my schooling. I still can't afford to take the conducting lessons I would love to have. We're still scraping the bottom of our bank account. But, God gives us another real-life miracle in a generous, anonymous friend. Near the middle of the month, he finds a new job with a computer repair shop. He loves it, it's closer to our house, normal hours, and he makes a pretty decent salary. My parents give us part of the pig they had purchased, and we're eventually able to pay them back for the meat.
February - The Choir goes on mini-tour, and I volunteer to drive four choir members to and from our run-out concert in a nearby city. On the way home, I hit two deer, totaling our Nissan. Everyone in the car was unharmed! AAA towed our car all the way to my in-laws, where my FIL realized it was beyond repair. After about a month with the computer repair shop, out of the blue, Hubby is let go. The boss' crazy mood swings and violent outbursts make it easy to leave, even though Hubby loved the work. Less than a week later, I left for Choir tour.
March - The insurance money from the car is more than we expected, and we put a lot of it into savings. Hubby applies for unemployment. I choose courses for the next semester, and friends take me to and from school for this month.
April - We still can't afford a new car, hubby doesn't have a job, and I'm trying to finish the semester well. Friends are still driving me to and from school, and I "pay" them in cookies. It's so hard to rely on other people. I got an A- in Theory Pedagogy, which I can only hope was a pleasant surprise to the teacher. We're living on the money from the car payment.
May - Friends of ours hear that we're in need of a car, and they offer us their Jeep, free of charge. A gift. We just need to go pick it up! We stand for my brother at his wedding. We begin the process of transferring our Jeep to NY state.
June - I take a three-week position at a music school in my parents' hometown, and enjoy teaching. Hubby keeps looking for work, and finally begins to receive unemployment benefits. We're both discouraged. We apply for Medicaid and start getting benefits. I switch to a new medication that makes me gain weight - so dumb. Hate it.
July - We celebrate my birthday at my parents' house, and hubby gives me flowers. When I come home, he has cleaned the house and put out a bottle of nice wine: the rest of my birthday/anniversary present. We celebrate our anniversary with a trip to a museum and use a gift card for a dinner out. Beautiful.
August - School is starting again, and hubby has a lead on a job. He interviews, and they call him for a second interview. We're nervous, but we're trusting that God will provide for us. We still have some money left from the car payment, the Jeep is finally on the road, and we have food to eat.
September - I count it a blessing that my textbooks this semester only cost $30. It has been so nice to be able to drive myself to and from school. Hubby has his second interview, and we're excited about it!
October - I have a couple opportunities to conduct the College Choir, and I'm loving my history of church music class. I feel like things are going pretty well. Hubby has his third interview, and is hired! We're excited and relieved. We figure the cost of commuting daily, and find out that it's more expensive for him to commute than to rent a room near his new workplace in a city an hour and a half away. We make the hard decision to rent a second place for him near work.
November - I have quite the emotional breakdown, and check myself into counseling. I can't deal with Hubby being gone all the time, and I feel pressured to take care of our whole house like we did together. I'm overwhelmed. I have serious upset stomachs, I cry all the time at home, and I can't motivate myself to do homework or housework. Hubby does well at his new job, and comes home on weekends. I try to be positive, but my emotional state is weighing on him. I finally get my medication switched, and I'm able to lose the weight I gained.
December - The Choir presents three concerts in a row, and I'm exhausted! The last week of the semester is tough, but I finish with (unbelievably) a 4.0. It's the first 4.0 I've ever had in my graduate schooling! It's a huge blessing. I'm beginning to adjust to our new normal, and look forward to some rest over Christmas break. I realize that my car needs to be inspected, so I take it in. Long story short, I was there six different times, and it still wouldn't pass inspection.
January 2012 - Hubby continues at his new job, we have good insurance now, and things are looking up. I start my final semester, and begin to plan my recital. I get to work with my own ensemble this semester, and I'm excited. Hubby takes the car to his dad, who takes it to his trusted mechanic. They can't figure out what's wrong. I ask friends to take me to and from school yet again. I have great friends, by the way.
February - We celebrate Valentine's Day early, and Hubby gives me the sweetest gift. We're excited! Not more than two days later, we finally get our car back with a temporary inspection sticker. I'm relieved to have the freedom to drive myself to and from school.
March - The Choir tours over Easter, and I wonder if I might be pregnant. When I get home, I know for sure, and surprise the hubby with an early "birthday" gift - he's a daddy!
April - This last month is crazy! I'm trying to fit in all the final work for my classes, writing a 25 page paper, rehearsing and preparing for my recital, trying to study, trying to fit in exercise - and I'm so exhausted. I have to eat six mini-meals a day, and I actually take naps at school. I feel overwhelmed! Hubby tries to help me to relax, and encourages me, reminding me that I can do this. I pray that God would work through me and complete this work well!
May - We're almost done with this separation thing! We find an apartment, sign a lease, and start packing. I have my recital, comprehensive oral exit exam, Choral Seminar exam, Music Listening exam, first baby appointment, and accompany for five juries, all in the space of five days. Then, I spend the weekend and all day Monday writing my paper - it's only 20 pages, but I'm turning it in. Graduation arrives, and I'm so relieved! Hubby and my parents were able to be there, and they're so proud of me. I can't believe I'm done!
To top it all off, I earned another 4.0, and my overall GPA is 3.88. Only God could have done that! I'm feeling so blessed.
We got to see Baby on a sonogram, and I heard Baby's heartbeat at my second appointment. We're almost ready to move, and we are so excited to start this second chapter of our lives. God has been so good to us!
We've been through so many difficult things, but I know that God is the one who carried us through. Our marriage continues to be strong, and we're excited for what God will do through us. We're so thankful for our Little One, and we're praying that God continues to meet our needs. When we move, I'll be looking for a job, and we're hoping it will be a decent income! It would be wonderful if we could bank most of one of our paychecks, using the other one to live on. We'll see how God decides to bless us - even hard times can be a blessing. He is the one who provides the opportunities for us, and He is the one who provides life for each day. We have so much to be thankful for!
Friday, July 1, 2011
loving the little things
There's a children's song from Sunday school that I remember - "Jesus loves the little ones like me! me! me!"
Today, I noticed more of the "little things" than usual. A student handed me a crayon-on-construction-paper note, thanking me for teaching her. I left school for the day in a great mood, breathing in fresh, clean air, enjoying the warm sunshine, and loving the cool breeze. I drove the posted 15 mph down the hill and across the bridge, and noticed a goldfinch, perched on a tall blade of grass. He bent it gently...
Later, I photographed flowers with my sister, and we appreciated the beauty together. There was a firefly with blue-spotted wings that landed almost close enough for a photo - almost!
I dressed and got ready for the evening's performance, and parked for free in the city lot. Walking to the theater, I "followed" a little brown sparrow as he hopped from windowsill to windowsill on an old brick building.
I enjoyed the smooth, cool piano keys as I prepared to play, and loved the way my concert-black skirt skimmed the stage.
Leaving for home, I walked past the same brick building, and this time, noticed a small vine beginning to creep up the wall. Little bright green and red leaves, delicate tendrils, wrapped around hard, rough stone. New life in a tough place, between cement and stone.
That's where I feel most of the time: between cement and stone. In the middle of tough school work, bad job situations, and poor finances. But the blessings still come. I have everything I need - truly, everything. We have received what we need each time that we come close to not having enough. God is faithful.
As I drove home, the sunset was so many beautiful colors, like a smooth, gently striped seashell in pinks, purples, yellows, and blues. Blessed - through raindrops, through pain, through difficult jobs, times of physical distance, and emotional struggle. Blessed.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
thanks to God for everything
everything.
for rain when it's needed, and when I can't understand why. For unemployment and for work. For relational stress and the much sweeter resolution.
Why would I thank God for trouble? It's a commandment, for one. Is it easy? No. But it's an affirmation that God is in control of my life, and that He sees infinite universes, times, outcomes - and that He will ultimately bring these things together for good.
Not that it's not hard, or that I feel happy all the time. Not that I like being materially poor. Not that I can go into the grocery store without wishing that I could buy organic or "extras" like crackers, cookies, ice cream, mangoes, avacados, my husband's favorite soda. Not that I don't feel jealous when friends and family members buy their first homes, have adorable babies, remodel beautifully, and haven't ever been to a secondhand clothing store.
But I'm choosing to allow my tears to fall down, and thanking God for the many ways He holds my life together. Perhaps part of the plan will be revealed to me, but even if it isn't, I'll still trust. I'll still rejoice in the little things.
The joy of the Lord is my strength.
for rain when it's needed, and when I can't understand why. For unemployment and for work. For relational stress and the much sweeter resolution.
Why would I thank God for trouble? It's a commandment, for one. Is it easy? No. But it's an affirmation that God is in control of my life, and that He sees infinite universes, times, outcomes - and that He will ultimately bring these things together for good.
Not that it's not hard, or that I feel happy all the time. Not that I like being materially poor. Not that I can go into the grocery store without wishing that I could buy organic or "extras" like crackers, cookies, ice cream, mangoes, avacados, my husband's favorite soda. Not that I don't feel jealous when friends and family members buy their first homes, have adorable babies, remodel beautifully, and haven't ever been to a secondhand clothing store.
But I'm choosing to allow my tears to fall down, and thanking God for the many ways He holds my life together. Perhaps part of the plan will be revealed to me, but even if it isn't, I'll still trust. I'll still rejoice in the little things.
The joy of the Lord is my strength.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
unfinished.
I have this bad habit of starting projects but not finishing them. Two examples are the it-was-supposed-to-be-a-duck, but now it's an owl crocheted toy thing, and the braided rug made from vintage sheets. I'm not sure what happened to the cross stitched pansy sampler I began when I was seven, but I think it's still in my mom's cross stitch bag. And the booties for baby K? They sat without buttons for months. Cleaning the house? I did start...
I'm a work in progress, too, and I'm glad to know that God's not finished with me. Someday, though.
Today I completely screwed up my priorities. We were visiting friends, and suffice it to say, I put my friends before my hubby. It was inconsiderate and thoughtless of me. I realized (again) just how much I need God's help to be anywhere near good, and how much I need my husband. He is such a forgiving man, even when I really upset him.
I'm glad that I'm not finished yet. I can see that I have a lot of growing to do, and I hope that I'm always malleable and able to change to be better. And to finish what I start. And to put my priorities in order.
I'm a work in progress, too, and I'm glad to know that God's not finished with me. Someday, though.
Today I completely screwed up my priorities. We were visiting friends, and suffice it to say, I put my friends before my hubby. It was inconsiderate and thoughtless of me. I realized (again) just how much I need God's help to be anywhere near good, and how much I need my husband. He is such a forgiving man, even when I really upset him.
I'm glad that I'm not finished yet. I can see that I have a lot of growing to do, and I hope that I'm always malleable and able to change to be better. And to finish what I start. And to put my priorities in order.
Monday, April 11, 2011
a bump in the road
At the risk of being vague, my husband and I are unexpectedly receiving some of the raindrops that God uses to carry life's blessings. I have shed very few tears over this turn of events, and we're both trusting that there must be something wonderful around the corner. Nevertheless, it hurts. It's difficult to focus on schoolwork, to see our friends able to do things that we simply can't. It's frustrating to know that what we thought was secure is not.But we have each other, and a God whose eternal power and divine nature have been clearly seen from what has been made. He does not change like shifting shadows, and he is from everlasting to everlasting. My life circumstances are confusing, troublesome, and unfair from any human perspective, but God is in control of the outcome. He will have the glory, and he will work in and through me to achieve his work. May I be a humble, willing, worthy vessel through both the times of joy and this time of pain.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
God gives power to the faint
And strengthens the powerless.
Even youths will faint and be weary, and the young will fall, exhausted.
But those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength.
They shall mount up on wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the heavens and the earth, who does not faint or grow weary, whose understanding is unsearchable.
-- Isaiah 40
I feel so weary today. Praying that the Lord might lift me up.
Even youths will faint and be weary, and the young will fall, exhausted.
But those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength.
They shall mount up on wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the heavens and the earth, who does not faint or grow weary, whose understanding is unsearchable.
-- Isaiah 40
I feel so weary today. Praying that the Lord might lift me up.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
a hymn for unemployment
For any circumstance, really! This hymn by Frances Ridley Havergal (1836-1879) is set to a familiar tune by Samuel Wesley (1810-1876) - "The Church's One Foundation."
Another Year is Dawning
Another year is dawning: Dear Father let it be,
In working or in waiting, Another year with thee;
Another year of progress, Another year of praise,
Another year of proving Thy presence all the days;
Another year of mercies, Of faithfulness and grace;
Another year of gladness In the shining of thy face;
Another year of leaning Upon thy loving breast;
Another year of trusting, Of quiet, happy rest;
Another year of service, Of witness for thy love;
Another year of training For holier work above.
Another year is dawning: Dear Father, let it be,
On earth or else in heaven, Another year for thee.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
not there yet
My husband and I enjoy watching "House Hunters" and DIY home shows on Hulu. We love to talk about the features we like, the colors, furniture, design flaws and successes, and to plan our future together. We even search sometimes for "dream" houses in cities we might move to. We talk about kinds of couches, styles of lamps, and wall colors. We imagine buying a reliable, newer car and settling into our very own place with pretty new appliances, remodeled bathroom and kitchen, and beautiful bedrooms. We imagine lots of light, open spaces, well-maintained landscaping, traditional touches, and updated flair. We imagine not having to live with old faux wood paneling and worn out carpet, outdated appliances, leaky windows, and wobbly outlets.
But we're not there yet. We live in the world where buying apples AND grapes is a treat, where we pay a lot of money to live in a (hardly updated, but) nice place (with plenty of space and a garage - thankfully), and where it's a big deal if we go out on a date once a month. We live in a time where we don't have enough curtains for the windows, we can't pay to slipcover the couch, and we have to try to get the stains out of the carpet, because it's staying. We have mismatched and stand-in furniture, though most of the pieces belong to us. We have a piano, but it's old and broken, and we can't pay to have it tuned right now.
Dreaming can be so bittersweet! My friend, Kristen O., wrote a beautiful post about this very sentiment. In every event, whether it's happy, sad, frustrating, or exhilarating, there's a twinge of sorrow with the joy (or vice versa).
We're happy together, and we have so many blessings! We're blessed with each other. We have one car that works, electricity that has been paid for, running water, internet, enough food, and phones. We have electronics, books, a laundry facility, and a warm, comfortable bed. We have nice furniture, beautiful dishes, and pretty decorations. We have good friends, loyal family, and neighbors. We have AAA to rescue us when we get stuck in our own driveway (this morning's excitement). We have a God who heals, rescues, and restores our lives, and who will not forget His promises. Complete the work you've started, Lord! Make us what you want us to be, and may we be ever grateful and peaceful in your arms. The joy You give is our strength, and we trust in You.
But we're not there yet. We live in the world where buying apples AND grapes is a treat, where we pay a lot of money to live in a (hardly updated, but) nice place (with plenty of space and a garage - thankfully), and where it's a big deal if we go out on a date once a month. We live in a time where we don't have enough curtains for the windows, we can't pay to slipcover the couch, and we have to try to get the stains out of the carpet, because it's staying. We have mismatched and stand-in furniture, though most of the pieces belong to us. We have a piano, but it's old and broken, and we can't pay to have it tuned right now.
Dreaming can be so bittersweet! My friend, Kristen O., wrote a beautiful post about this very sentiment. In every event, whether it's happy, sad, frustrating, or exhilarating, there's a twinge of sorrow with the joy (or vice versa).
We're happy together, and we have so many blessings! We're blessed with each other. We have one car that works, electricity that has been paid for, running water, internet, enough food, and phones. We have electronics, books, a laundry facility, and a warm, comfortable bed. We have nice furniture, beautiful dishes, and pretty decorations. We have good friends, loyal family, and neighbors. We have AAA to rescue us when we get stuck in our own driveway (this morning's excitement). We have a God who heals, rescues, and restores our lives, and who will not forget His promises. Complete the work you've started, Lord! Make us what you want us to be, and may we be ever grateful and peaceful in your arms. The joy You give is our strength, and we trust in You.
Monday, January 24, 2011
real-life miracle.
"Everyone needs compassion,
A love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.
Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Savior,
The Hope of Nations."
"Mighty to Save" by Ben Fielding and Reuben Morgan
A love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.
Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Savior,
The Hope of Nations."
"Mighty to Save" by Ben Fielding and Reuben Morgan
Sometimes - no, all the time - I don't like to admit that I'm the one who needs compassion, mercy, a hand up, someone's help, relief, a miracle. I like to think that I'm okay, that I am the one who can bless others, that somehow God will let me rely on my own skills instead of on Him and on the friends He's given me.
When people think of miracles, they think of healing, or water to wine, or other impossible things like that. They think of premature babies thriving, babies being born at all, and older people living longer. "Miracle" is applied to advancements in science, to pleasant coincidences, to happy thrift-store finds and open parking spaces.
But a miracle is a supernatural act of God. Sometimes God works through people, like the incredibly generous, tender-hearted person (or people) who allowed God to use them to bless us today.
We've been struggling to make ends meet financially, and we're planning to take a student loan to be able to pay for my schooling (read: more school loan debt, when we're already paying back $XX,XXX). It has been very hard for me to admit that I can't pay for things like the books I need for class or the professional conference that I really should attend. It has be so hard to not buy more than the absolutely essential groceries and to not make more trips than necessary. We've turned down the heat, used as few cell minutes as possible, and paid only the bills that loomed directly ahead. It has been hard to admit that I need help - that when I got to the counter at the store last week, the clerk paid for part of my bill with the "take a penny, leave a penny" dish. I almost cried then.
God had a blessing in mind, though!
The envelope had no return address on it, and it's postmarked at a city near us. To the friend (or friends?) who sent it: We've been truly blessed through you. Thank you. Your generosity is amazing - I'm in tears as I write this. I'm so thankful to God for a friend like you. Thank you for being the way that God meets our needs. We're amazed at His provision for us, and so very grateful.
"My heart is filled with thankfulness
To Him who walks beside,
Who floods my weaknesses with strength,
And causes fears to fly.
Whose every promise is enough
For every step I take,
Sustaining me with arms of love
And crowning me with grace."
"My Heart is Filled" by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend
To Him who walks beside,
Who floods my weaknesses with strength,
And causes fears to fly.
Whose every promise is enough
For every step I take,
Sustaining me with arms of love
And crowning me with grace."
"My Heart is Filled" by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend
Sunday, January 23, 2011
using our gifts
First, a random, recent apple pie I made. Consider this exhibit A: using my gifts. Ha. The hubby enjoyed this delicious offering.Today's sermon was from Romans 12:3-8, which focuses on the different kinds of gifts that people are given. Some are gifted to teach, or lead, or speak - some are gifted to encourage, to be givers, to show mercy, to serve.
I've always known that I was good at music, and it has been in my heart to be a teacher - I just can't help teaching. To see if I was perceiving these things correctly, I took a few spiritual gifts tests.
The first lists my gifts as musicianship, leadership, and hospitality.
The second one again puts music at the top, followed by discernment, hospitality, wisdom, encouragement, and leadership. Teaching is much further down than I expected.
The third test ranks teaching first, administration second, and exhortation third.
Slightly surprising. But clarifying, I suppose.
I do see myself as a leader, and a person who can easily discern what is the best course of action. I have musical gifts, and I use them gladly. I love having people over at my house, and being surrounded by friends. And, of course, if I have knowledge to share, it's hard to help it!
I suppose these things should confirm for me that I'm in the right place. Conducting is a very leadership and administration based pursuit, but it's also relational. It combines facets of teaching and musicianship. It seems to be the right career for me, if I am to continue to pursue a career. Motherhood is still calling, and I don't know if I could give my best to both. Not a decision for today, though!
Happy Sunday to all.
Friday, March 13, 2009
it has been a while.
so here goes.
it has been crazy.
this past week, my husband was off from school, so i had some extra help around the house. this is excellent. i'm enjoying not having to do everything at once!
found out this week that my insurance doesn't cover regular doctor's visits. i'm not sick - i just need an appointment. and we don't have vision coverage. and i need new contacts. a new prescription, actually. insurance here in NY is super expensive, and ridiculous. people talk about affordable healthcare for everyone - um, when? and how in the world is that possible?
taking a moment for an attitude check:
i really do have everything i need
i am grateful for my job
i am loved
and it's sunny outside.
pms is such an annoying thing. trying to cope without crying, yelling, or overreacting. or being insanely silly, like i was at worship rehearsal last night. or overeating on sweets. i have kept up the walking-during-lunch-every-day thing at work. so that's a plus, right? it almost negates one piece of candy.
the in-laws are coming this weekend, and i'm excited. i've baked a cake to celebrate their birthdays - dad's on last Sunday, and mom's on this Sunday. it's amazing yellow cake - fluffy, perfectly vanilla-y sweet. i made a round 2-layer, and stuck strawberry jam between the two. the best part? the icing is Hershey's special-dark chocolate. you actually melt a whole stick of butter, add the baking cocoa, and then gradually the 3 cups of powdered sugar, alternating with the 1/3 cup of milk. vanilla goes in last, and voila - amazing. so smooth, so very chocolaty. and great for me being so overemotional and such. it came out perfectly when i iced the cake, so i topped it with heart shaped sprinkles (maybe a little too valentine-esque, but whatever. i like it.), and displayed it on my crystal cake stand...in the fridge, of course. i'm proud of myself!
last night, in addition to worship rehearsal after work (which was good), I managed to clean the entire shower (not fun) and the vinyl shower curtain liner. bleach is my friend. i don't like either of those tasks, but it's over. and stuff is clean.
want to hear about a laundry fiasco? i'm already frustrated that i have to pay for laundry, though i know that many other people do, but this was worse. our clothes went in the washer, with soap, for the right amount of time, on the cold cycle. i came back 23 minutes later to find that the machine didn't actually complete the final spin cycle. everything was absolutely soaked. and freezing. and it was raining outside.
so i squeezed most of the water out of most of the things and i hung them up to dry. here's the most annoying part: there was my lovely, thirsty cotton-loop bath mat in that load of wash. it was so heavily soaked that it was hard to carry, let alone hang. and there was no space. i put it in the dryer on high, alone. it came out still wet, but at least it was hang-able. i hung it up for three days to dry - and when i took it down, it had RUST SPOTS. three lovely lines of yellowish rust. this seems impossible, especially knowing that my metal drying rack is actually painted white. there are no chips in it. it's almost new. but, alas - there are the stains.
i know someone else has to have made a mistake like that.
at any rate, i've been very thankful for my husband's help this week - he has been really amazing.
love.
it has been crazy.
this past week, my husband was off from school, so i had some extra help around the house. this is excellent. i'm enjoying not having to do everything at once!
found out this week that my insurance doesn't cover regular doctor's visits. i'm not sick - i just need an appointment. and we don't have vision coverage. and i need new contacts. a new prescription, actually. insurance here in NY is super expensive, and ridiculous. people talk about affordable healthcare for everyone - um, when? and how in the world is that possible?
taking a moment for an attitude check:
i really do have everything i need
i am grateful for my job
i am loved
and it's sunny outside.
pms is such an annoying thing. trying to cope without crying, yelling, or overreacting. or being insanely silly, like i was at worship rehearsal last night. or overeating on sweets. i have kept up the walking-during-lunch-every-day thing at work. so that's a plus, right? it almost negates one piece of candy.
the in-laws are coming this weekend, and i'm excited. i've baked a cake to celebrate their birthdays - dad's on last Sunday, and mom's on this Sunday. it's amazing yellow cake - fluffy, perfectly vanilla-y sweet. i made a round 2-layer, and stuck strawberry jam between the two. the best part? the icing is Hershey's special-dark chocolate. you actually melt a whole stick of butter, add the baking cocoa, and then gradually the 3 cups of powdered sugar, alternating with the 1/3 cup of milk. vanilla goes in last, and voila - amazing. so smooth, so very chocolaty. and great for me being so overemotional and such. it came out perfectly when i iced the cake, so i topped it with heart shaped sprinkles (maybe a little too valentine-esque, but whatever. i like it.), and displayed it on my crystal cake stand...in the fridge, of course. i'm proud of myself!
last night, in addition to worship rehearsal after work (which was good), I managed to clean the entire shower (not fun) and the vinyl shower curtain liner. bleach is my friend. i don't like either of those tasks, but it's over. and stuff is clean.
want to hear about a laundry fiasco? i'm already frustrated that i have to pay for laundry, though i know that many other people do, but this was worse. our clothes went in the washer, with soap, for the right amount of time, on the cold cycle. i came back 23 minutes later to find that the machine didn't actually complete the final spin cycle. everything was absolutely soaked. and freezing. and it was raining outside.
so i squeezed most of the water out of most of the things and i hung them up to dry. here's the most annoying part: there was my lovely, thirsty cotton-loop bath mat in that load of wash. it was so heavily soaked that it was hard to carry, let alone hang. and there was no space. i put it in the dryer on high, alone. it came out still wet, but at least it was hang-able. i hung it up for three days to dry - and when i took it down, it had RUST SPOTS. three lovely lines of yellowish rust. this seems impossible, especially knowing that my metal drying rack is actually painted white. there are no chips in it. it's almost new. but, alas - there are the stains.
i know someone else has to have made a mistake like that.
at any rate, i've been very thankful for my husband's help this week - he has been really amazing.
love.
Friday, February 6, 2009
here i am
at work. still. and wondering what my day really amounted to - did i do anything eternally worthwhile? really, was putting in one new house listing, printing and emailing statistics, and putting together the daily report really that interesting? or helpful?
i should have taken the day off.
on the other hand, it's a lovely day. i had a nice walk/jog at lunchtime, and it was beautiful! it's "warm" again - in the 20's (Farenheit). The sunshine was a nice change of pace.
tonight my husband and i may go out to celebrate an early Valentine's Day...next weekend will be inconvenient for us. and who's to say that Valentine's Day can't be early? i like it. Even if we just stay in and dedicate the time to each other, that will be enough.
still so in love.
and i know i will be for the rest of my life.
i should have taken the day off.
on the other hand, it's a lovely day. i had a nice walk/jog at lunchtime, and it was beautiful! it's "warm" again - in the 20's (Farenheit). The sunshine was a nice change of pace.
tonight my husband and i may go out to celebrate an early Valentine's Day...next weekend will be inconvenient for us. and who's to say that Valentine's Day can't be early? i like it. Even if we just stay in and dedicate the time to each other, that will be enough.
still so in love.
and i know i will be for the rest of my life.
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