6:54pm is one of my very favorite times of day. I'm usually snuggling my sweet little boy, smelling his clean, wet hair, and giving him gentle kisses as I repeat these words to him: God is always with you. I quote Joshua 1:9 and Hebrews 13:5b-6 to him, and hope he internalizes it. We rock. I pat his back. Sometimes he lifts his head from my shoulder and gives me little baby boy kisses. He is precious.
By that time, we have already prayed and thanked God for all the important things in his day. At the forefront these days are friends, dirt, and tractors. And ROCKS! and Daddy. And Daddy's guitar, mandolin, and bass. And any other relatives he can remember to list. I have sung him a bedtime hymn, and he has had a wonderfully fun bathtime.
Most of the stress has begun to melt by 6:54. I remember how much I love my son, how thankful I am to be his mommy, and how blessed we are. I feel tired, and sometimes I still have yet to cry the tears I held back all day. There's still dinner to make for when my husband gets home, and I have just a few minutes to tidy the house and do something for me. Like blogging. Or reading a magazine. Or eating a chocolate chip cookie without sharing.
But 6:54? That's a moment of peace. A moment of all-is-well. An embodiment of my love for my family and for the God who allowed it to be like this, today. And yesterday. And so many bed times before.
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Friday, October 10, 2014
Friday, May 17, 2013
little things: busy edition
bah. We've been so busy lately, and I really don't like it. All good things, but so busy.
Brad has had frisbee and hockey games on the same night. Small group is another evening. This weekend we have concerts on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
Our weekends have been full of house repairs and remodels.
We've traveled soooo much.
I'm tired.
It's just hard to stay positive when I feel so drained, when babysitters aren't available, when I might have to back out of a commitment. It's hard to share a car, pinch pennies and decide what we don't need until pay day, and to wait. I'm trying to still my heart and listen for what God might want to teach me through this, for how he might strengthen me to face what it is that I must do. And for wisdom to do it well.
But, we have everything we need. Food, warmth, love, shelter. Family, friends, comfort, safety. A working car. Some money in the bank. Each other.
God is good, even in the middle of my stress. "Oh, for grace to trust Him more."
So, here are some little things.
1. Brad took us to the Rochester, NY Lilac Festival for part of my Mother's Day gift.
2. He also bought me a gorgeous orchid.
3. Our new house is slowly decluttering as I put boxes in the attic and unpack. I'm working on it slowly as the baby naps and I have the energy to unpack. I'm trying to be okay with the corners of chaos. I am thankful for our many possessions, though they are many.
4. I love the sunshine that streams in our windows!
5. My baby boy is almost able to sit up on his own, and is such a happy guy most of the time.
6. We will see both my parents and Brad's parents this weekend.
7. We have the opportunity to sing classical music together in a choir again, and it's so fun.
8. I got an encouraging email from a former choir student who is now studying music at a local university.
9. The previous owner of our house planted some perennials I love: bleeding heart flowers and hydrangeas, to name a couple!
10. It's nice enough to let laundry dry outside. Oh! And my laundry machines are in my very own basement. Hooray!
Well, I feel better now. What are you thankful for?
Brad has had frisbee and hockey games on the same night. Small group is another evening. This weekend we have concerts on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
Our weekends have been full of house repairs and remodels.
We've traveled soooo much.
I'm tired.
It's just hard to stay positive when I feel so drained, when babysitters aren't available, when I might have to back out of a commitment. It's hard to share a car, pinch pennies and decide what we don't need until pay day, and to wait. I'm trying to still my heart and listen for what God might want to teach me through this, for how he might strengthen me to face what it is that I must do. And for wisdom to do it well.
But, we have everything we need. Food, warmth, love, shelter. Family, friends, comfort, safety. A working car. Some money in the bank. Each other.
God is good, even in the middle of my stress. "Oh, for grace to trust Him more."
So, here are some little things.
1. Brad took us to the Rochester, NY Lilac Festival for part of my Mother's Day gift.
2. He also bought me a gorgeous orchid.
3. Our new house is slowly decluttering as I put boxes in the attic and unpack. I'm working on it slowly as the baby naps and I have the energy to unpack. I'm trying to be okay with the corners of chaos. I am thankful for our many possessions, though they are many.
4. I love the sunshine that streams in our windows!
5. My baby boy is almost able to sit up on his own, and is such a happy guy most of the time.
6. We will see both my parents and Brad's parents this weekend.
7. We have the opportunity to sing classical music together in a choir again, and it's so fun.
8. I got an encouraging email from a former choir student who is now studying music at a local university.
9. The previous owner of our house planted some perennials I love: bleeding heart flowers and hydrangeas, to name a couple!
10. It's nice enough to let laundry dry outside. Oh! And my laundry machines are in my very own basement. Hooray!
Well, I feel better now. What are you thankful for?
Monday, October 1, 2012
struggles
I've always been one that thrives on approval, who likes a bit of a pat on the back for what I've accomplished. This is one reason that I always did so well in school; the straight-As spelled out on report cards felt so real, permanent, definitive.
Adult life isn't like that, though. No one grades your performance, regardless of how "watched" or "compared" you might feel.
And that's still hard for me to let go of.
Social networking sites could be blamed for furthering this comparison of "success" - where is she working? What has she done so far today? How did he manage to get his doctorate before I've even finished my master's degree? Why are they able to buy a house, and we're still renting an almost-good apartment? How does she manage to get all the laundry done and the whole house cleaned in one morning while she's 8 months pregnant and chasing three kids? Why? Do I measure up?
Sometimes all these success stories - innocuous in themselves, of course, and things that perhaps should be celebrated - make me feel so small. I'm happy for them, yes, but what's wrong with me? Why am I not as far along in life, so to speak, as they are? Wasn't I always at the top of my class? Then, it's easy to sink into depression for a bit. I think about the should-have, could-have, might-have-been-able-to, and I keep on feeling like I've failed, somehow. Like if my baby boy doesn't have a perfectly decorated nursery, he's going to be at a disadvantage. If I can't make good-enough Christmas gifts, we're going to look stingy, and worse, poor (but we do have so little). Like if we don't own the place we live, it can't still be the best use of our money right now. Like I should have a full-time job (what's wrong with me?), a second car, and the money to spare to be able to give to charities in the area and around the world. Like it shouldn't feel like such a terrible sacrifice to tithe. Like I should be able to go to the grocery store without planning in advance exactly what and how much I'm going to buy, because if I buy more, we'll overdraw the account.
And on a different note, I really miss making music so often. I miss having a piano in my house so that I can play a bit each day, so that hubby and I can share that together. I miss playing on the worship team; our church rarely needs us to play. We want to serve!
The pastor spoke yesterday about John the Baptist, a man that God used to prepare the way for Jesus' earthly ministry. John was a wild-looking guy, who lived and preached in the desert, an unlikely character for announcing the world's Messiah. Pastor went on to say that God will often use the ones who have little, because God's power is shown more clearly through them.
So if I don't have it all together, if we're just scraping by, but we can continue to praise God for our health, food, shelter, and each other, and of course, our salvation, what else do we need? Maybe God will use us, though we have almost nothing, to make a beautiful difference to someone else. Maybe I will be a blessing. Maybe my empty hands will be filled with something better than I thought I wanted. Maybe my hurting heart will be healed and strengthened beyond what I ever dreamed.
My hope is built on Jesus, not on what I can do, what I have, where I am in life, and how many pennies I hold. All that matters is that we continue to trust his plan for our lives, living in a way that helps others to see his work in us.
Adult life isn't like that, though. No one grades your performance, regardless of how "watched" or "compared" you might feel.
And that's still hard for me to let go of.
Social networking sites could be blamed for furthering this comparison of "success" - where is she working? What has she done so far today? How did he manage to get his doctorate before I've even finished my master's degree? Why are they able to buy a house, and we're still renting an almost-good apartment? How does she manage to get all the laundry done and the whole house cleaned in one morning while she's 8 months pregnant and chasing three kids? Why? Do I measure up?
Sometimes all these success stories - innocuous in themselves, of course, and things that perhaps should be celebrated - make me feel so small. I'm happy for them, yes, but what's wrong with me? Why am I not as far along in life, so to speak, as they are? Wasn't I always at the top of my class? Then, it's easy to sink into depression for a bit. I think about the should-have, could-have, might-have-been-able-to, and I keep on feeling like I've failed, somehow. Like if my baby boy doesn't have a perfectly decorated nursery, he's going to be at a disadvantage. If I can't make good-enough Christmas gifts, we're going to look stingy, and worse, poor (but we do have so little). Like if we don't own the place we live, it can't still be the best use of our money right now. Like I should have a full-time job (what's wrong with me?), a second car, and the money to spare to be able to give to charities in the area and around the world. Like it shouldn't feel like such a terrible sacrifice to tithe. Like I should be able to go to the grocery store without planning in advance exactly what and how much I'm going to buy, because if I buy more, we'll overdraw the account.
And on a different note, I really miss making music so often. I miss having a piano in my house so that I can play a bit each day, so that hubby and I can share that together. I miss playing on the worship team; our church rarely needs us to play. We want to serve!
The pastor spoke yesterday about John the Baptist, a man that God used to prepare the way for Jesus' earthly ministry. John was a wild-looking guy, who lived and preached in the desert, an unlikely character for announcing the world's Messiah. Pastor went on to say that God will often use the ones who have little, because God's power is shown more clearly through them.
So if I don't have it all together, if we're just scraping by, but we can continue to praise God for our health, food, shelter, and each other, and of course, our salvation, what else do we need? Maybe God will use us, though we have almost nothing, to make a beautiful difference to someone else. Maybe I will be a blessing. Maybe my empty hands will be filled with something better than I thought I wanted. Maybe my hurting heart will be healed and strengthened beyond what I ever dreamed.
My hope is built on Jesus, not on what I can do, what I have, where I am in life, and how many pennies I hold. All that matters is that we continue to trust his plan for our lives, living in a way that helps others to see his work in us.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
blue days
For the past two years, I've lived a very busy, high-stress life. My days have been scheduled by the hour. My planner saw a lot of use! However, that time of extreme busyness has come to a sudden stop. Sudden quiet. Sudden lack of schedule. Sudden lack of income. Hours where I can do anything I want or need with no requirements or homework or planning. Hours of empty freedom.
Oh, change. The only constant in life is change, right?
I graduated, packed up, cleaned up, and we moved to a new city. I celebrated getting to live together with the hubby again, then I cleaned, unpacked, arranged, organized, cleaned some more, figured out how to get to the grocery, located the thrift stores, and then...
...just nothing. No job interviews, no huge to-do list. I took up meal planning, which I probably should have been doing all along. I actually plan to mop again today - this is unusual for me! I cleaned the windows in the entry stairway, planted pachysandra in front of the porch, and even put in some annual flowers near our front steps.
Then, I had an interview at Macy's - a very cloudy, rainy day. Imagine me trying to keep my just-a-bit-too-long pant legs out of the puddles while juggling an umbrella and my full leather tote bag in the wind and rain... I'm sure I was a sight! The interview was fine, but I know I'm overqualified for the position. They were surprised when I handed them a resume - let's just leave it at that.
Who knows if they'll even call me back.
That was a very low day. I cried off and on for no reason. The rain and dark skies sure didn't help! I'm a sunshine-lovin' girl. I couldn't make myself get up off the couch. I tried doing things I like - knitting, crafts, painting, reading, eating a grape popsicle - nothing was fun. I did the dishes numbly. I felt fat, even though I know that this belly is a good sign that Baby is growing and healthy. It meant the world to me when my mom called, and reminded me that this might not just be a "sad" day. This might be depression.
Just like when I was first married. We had spent a sweet week of togetherness, then packed and moved to our new place, 3 hours' drive from anyone we knew and loved. He had a part-time job right away, which left me home with piles of boxes. I attacked those boxes - cleaned, organized, put away. Lifted more than I should have. I went running often, ate way too little, and cried almost every day. I couldn't look at wedding photos without tears. What should have been the happiest months of my life were incredibly lonely, sad times. No job, a very busy hubby at grad school, no friends, and a very tiny apartment with nothing left to clean or organize or decorate.
After a while, when I finally did have a job, things felt better. I didn't love my job, but at least I was contributing some pennies to our account. I started eating more appropriately, and still exercised. We made some friends at church, and things turned around. I adjusted, and learned to like it, even love it, there in our new home.
So now, I know everything will work out. I just have to make it through this sad time. I know Hubby will come home each day, and I will have a hug and someone to talk to who understands. (Oscar-cat is cute, and talks back, but isn't anywhere close to human, of course.) I don't have to wait until the weekend to see him, and I don't have to go to counseling to feel like I can actually be myself. I have to make good choices about my body and health - not just physically, but emotionally, too. It will be so helpful once we've found a church to call home. Once I have a schedule that's more than this:
7:44am - get up with Hubby, make breakfast and his lunch, then do the dishes. Shower, maybe. Think about what other household chores I can do. Can I find an excuse to leave the house? Groceries? Bank? Thrifting? No, we don't have any extra money right now.
12 noon - eat something. Try to make it nutritious.
2pm - nap? If I feel like it.
5pm - what last minute cleaning can I do before Hubby comes home?
6pm - begin to make dinner
10pm - try to make it until now before going to bed.
And just this morning, I got a call for a teaching interview - a long term sub position. That would be a good thing! Experience, something to get my name out there, and ending just in time for me to have Baby. Praying that God will help me to know what decision to make if I'm offered the position. Hoping that I'm offered the position!
Today it is sunny. I know rain will come again, but I'm praying that I can face it with more strength.
Oh, change. The only constant in life is change, right?
I graduated, packed up, cleaned up, and we moved to a new city. I celebrated getting to live together with the hubby again, then I cleaned, unpacked, arranged, organized, cleaned some more, figured out how to get to the grocery, located the thrift stores, and then...
...just nothing. No job interviews, no huge to-do list. I took up meal planning, which I probably should have been doing all along. I actually plan to mop again today - this is unusual for me! I cleaned the windows in the entry stairway, planted pachysandra in front of the porch, and even put in some annual flowers near our front steps.
Then, I had an interview at Macy's - a very cloudy, rainy day. Imagine me trying to keep my just-a-bit-too-long pant legs out of the puddles while juggling an umbrella and my full leather tote bag in the wind and rain... I'm sure I was a sight! The interview was fine, but I know I'm overqualified for the position. They were surprised when I handed them a resume - let's just leave it at that.
Who knows if they'll even call me back.
That was a very low day. I cried off and on for no reason. The rain and dark skies sure didn't help! I'm a sunshine-lovin' girl. I couldn't make myself get up off the couch. I tried doing things I like - knitting, crafts, painting, reading, eating a grape popsicle - nothing was fun. I did the dishes numbly. I felt fat, even though I know that this belly is a good sign that Baby is growing and healthy. It meant the world to me when my mom called, and reminded me that this might not just be a "sad" day. This might be depression.
Just like when I was first married. We had spent a sweet week of togetherness, then packed and moved to our new place, 3 hours' drive from anyone we knew and loved. He had a part-time job right away, which left me home with piles of boxes. I attacked those boxes - cleaned, organized, put away. Lifted more than I should have. I went running often, ate way too little, and cried almost every day. I couldn't look at wedding photos without tears. What should have been the happiest months of my life were incredibly lonely, sad times. No job, a very busy hubby at grad school, no friends, and a very tiny apartment with nothing left to clean or organize or decorate.
After a while, when I finally did have a job, things felt better. I didn't love my job, but at least I was contributing some pennies to our account. I started eating more appropriately, and still exercised. We made some friends at church, and things turned around. I adjusted, and learned to like it, even love it, there in our new home.
So now, I know everything will work out. I just have to make it through this sad time. I know Hubby will come home each day, and I will have a hug and someone to talk to who understands. (Oscar-cat is cute, and talks back, but isn't anywhere close to human, of course.) I don't have to wait until the weekend to see him, and I don't have to go to counseling to feel like I can actually be myself. I have to make good choices about my body and health - not just physically, but emotionally, too. It will be so helpful once we've found a church to call home. Once I have a schedule that's more than this:
7:44am - get up with Hubby, make breakfast and his lunch, then do the dishes. Shower, maybe. Think about what other household chores I can do. Can I find an excuse to leave the house? Groceries? Bank? Thrifting? No, we don't have any extra money right now.
12 noon - eat something. Try to make it nutritious.
2pm - nap? If I feel like it.
5pm - what last minute cleaning can I do before Hubby comes home?
6pm - begin to make dinner
10pm - try to make it until now before going to bed.
And just this morning, I got a call for a teaching interview - a long term sub position. That would be a good thing! Experience, something to get my name out there, and ending just in time for me to have Baby. Praying that God will help me to know what decision to make if I'm offered the position. Hoping that I'm offered the position!
Today it is sunny. I know rain will come again, but I'm praying that I can face it with more strength.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
a story of stress
Just when I think I'm doing okay...
...I brought a picnic supper for hubby and me before church band rehearsal tonight. We carried the food into the cafe area at Tops, and managed to drop the apple cake on the way. Good thing it was in pyrex, with a plastic lid tightly closed. Nothing broke. Still good! Dinner was delicious - meatloaf, broccoli, cauliflower, corn muffins, (a little crumbly, now) apple cake with this glaze. We ate, enjoyed conversation and just being together. That was good.
The bad part was that when we got up to leave, I couldn't find my keys anywhere. We retraced our steps, looked inside the car windows, checked where we'd been again, asked the management - nothing. So we left to scour the parking lot one more time - and found my keys, just steps from my car. I said a prayer of thanks, but felt like crying.
I went back inside to get groceries while hubby went to band rehearsal. I managed to stay composed and not cry, finding the things on my list and leaving (and just now realizing that I forgot rubber gloves again). I stopped by rehearsal to enjoy the music and then headed home with the groceries.
As I unloaded, I again flipped the apple cake, but this time, the lid wasn't on securely, and all of the delicious icing stuck the cake to the dirty doormat in our basement entry. Enter flood of (unreasonable and unpreventable) tears. I still feel upset.
I took what remained of the cake upstairs and scraped off the top half. There are now three plates of large crumbles without icing which were once an apple cake. I just couldn't put the whole thing in the trash. We're strapped for cash as it is, and I just can't waste what might still be good... even if it sounds silly.
I'm so tired. Renew me, Lord. I have to give a presentation at school tomorrow, my reading isn't done and my book is at school. I'm tired. I'm stressed. I miss time with my husband.
And here I thought I was doing well. I need the strength that only God can give - now especially.
...I brought a picnic supper for hubby and me before church band rehearsal tonight. We carried the food into the cafe area at Tops, and managed to drop the apple cake on the way. Good thing it was in pyrex, with a plastic lid tightly closed. Nothing broke. Still good! Dinner was delicious - meatloaf, broccoli, cauliflower, corn muffins, (a little crumbly, now) apple cake with this glaze. We ate, enjoyed conversation and just being together. That was good.
The bad part was that when we got up to leave, I couldn't find my keys anywhere. We retraced our steps, looked inside the car windows, checked where we'd been again, asked the management - nothing. So we left to scour the parking lot one more time - and found my keys, just steps from my car. I said a prayer of thanks, but felt like crying.
I went back inside to get groceries while hubby went to band rehearsal. I managed to stay composed and not cry, finding the things on my list and leaving (and just now realizing that I forgot rubber gloves again). I stopped by rehearsal to enjoy the music and then headed home with the groceries.
As I unloaded, I again flipped the apple cake, but this time, the lid wasn't on securely, and all of the delicious icing stuck the cake to the dirty doormat in our basement entry. Enter flood of (unreasonable and unpreventable) tears. I still feel upset.
I took what remained of the cake upstairs and scraped off the top half. There are now three plates of large crumbles without icing which were once an apple cake. I just couldn't put the whole thing in the trash. We're strapped for cash as it is, and I just can't waste what might still be good... even if it sounds silly.
I'm so tired. Renew me, Lord. I have to give a presentation at school tomorrow, my reading isn't done and my book is at school. I'm tired. I'm stressed. I miss time with my husband.
And here I thought I was doing well. I need the strength that only God can give - now especially.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
sunday minus the sun
it was a long day for me - up early to do both services at church, and not only to be there, but to actually plan and participate in all the music for both services (which are completely different musical formats). herculean, if i do say so myself. things went pretty well...
lunch was less than spectacular, though my husband may beg to differ. i made omelettes that definitely were not photo-worthy, but tasted okay. i wish that i had taken the time to make a real Sunday dinner for him like i did all of last year. it was just too much to fit in today.
quarterly church meeting was tonight, and i was waaaay tired. had a tough time concentrating, and some disturbing acid reflux to complete the discomfort of being there. it's emotional to be there right now, knowing that we'll be leaving soon for a new town/school/church/home. transition isn't my favorite.
on positive notes, many people enjoyed the music this morning. i had specific compliments on my piano playing, which was extra nice. i got to burn my lilac-scented candle today - a spring-only sort of thing. my flowers outside look lovely. i got to wear a cute skirt this morning and enjoyed my preppy pink raincoat and argyle print umbrella. my husband loves and supports me. and I get to go to sleep now, knowing that tomorrow is a full day in which i will earn money at four different jobs, see a dress rehearsal for a friend's recital, and finally see my husband at 7:30pm.
lunch was less than spectacular, though my husband may beg to differ. i made omelettes that definitely were not photo-worthy, but tasted okay. i wish that i had taken the time to make a real Sunday dinner for him like i did all of last year. it was just too much to fit in today.
quarterly church meeting was tonight, and i was waaaay tired. had a tough time concentrating, and some disturbing acid reflux to complete the discomfort of being there. it's emotional to be there right now, knowing that we'll be leaving soon for a new town/school/church/home. transition isn't my favorite.
on positive notes, many people enjoyed the music this morning. i had specific compliments on my piano playing, which was extra nice. i got to burn my lilac-scented candle today - a spring-only sort of thing. my flowers outside look lovely. i got to wear a cute skirt this morning and enjoyed my preppy pink raincoat and argyle print umbrella. my husband loves and supports me. and I get to go to sleep now, knowing that tomorrow is a full day in which i will earn money at four different jobs, see a dress rehearsal for a friend's recital, and finally see my husband at 7:30pm.
Monday, November 16, 2009
feeling grateful
and overwhelmed. and humbled.
we received a box of Angel Food this past week - it's a ministry that provides low cost food to families that need it. It's only $30 for a box of food that's intended to feed a family of four for a week!
i wasn't anticipating how much food that would be...when i brought it home, it was actually a struggle to fit it all in the freezer and fridge! wow.
it's humbling to be on unemployment, to need other people's help, and to accept charity. But it's really a good thing for us to be in a place where we have to rely on other people. it makes us less proud - or i hope that's what it's doing for me!
still hoping for a job so that we can be self-sufficient. so that we can pay our bills without worry. so that we can be the ones helping others. maybe soon?
we received a box of Angel Food this past week - it's a ministry that provides low cost food to families that need it. It's only $30 for a box of food that's intended to feed a family of four for a week!
i wasn't anticipating how much food that would be...when i brought it home, it was actually a struggle to fit it all in the freezer and fridge! wow.
it's humbling to be on unemployment, to need other people's help, and to accept charity. But it's really a good thing for us to be in a place where we have to rely on other people. it makes us less proud - or i hope that's what it's doing for me!
still hoping for a job so that we can be self-sufficient. so that we can pay our bills without worry. so that we can be the ones helping others. maybe soon?
Friday, April 24, 2009
what to do
just found out today that one of the lesbian couples at work is having a "commitment" ceremony and they're throwing a shower during work hours.
i disagree with the gay/lesbian/transsexual/bisexual lifestyle, as i believe it is morally wrong. they can do what they want to, but i don't agree with or support their choices.
so. what is a Christian to do in this situation? i am supposed to (according to the voice mail) rsvp for this shower and say that i'm attending. i plan to stay here at my desk and work really hard. it is the busy season, after all, right? i want very much to be the kind, caring person that people look forward to seeing when they walk in the door, and i'm not going to compromise my beliefs by going to something like this.
not. going. to.
my only qualm is the possibility that i might offend these women. i need to be on each realtor's good side here so that i can pleasantly do the work they hand to me. there must be no reason for any one of them to think that i don't like or don't care about them. This is the quandry.
i must be busy - so incredibly busy on that day - so that i simply cannot attend. this is the easy way out.
but what is the right way out?
i disagree with the gay/lesbian/transsexual/bisexual lifestyle, as i believe it is morally wrong. they can do what they want to, but i don't agree with or support their choices.
so. what is a Christian to do in this situation? i am supposed to (according to the voice mail) rsvp for this shower and say that i'm attending. i plan to stay here at my desk and work really hard. it is the busy season, after all, right? i want very much to be the kind, caring person that people look forward to seeing when they walk in the door, and i'm not going to compromise my beliefs by going to something like this.
not. going. to.
my only qualm is the possibility that i might offend these women. i need to be on each realtor's good side here so that i can pleasantly do the work they hand to me. there must be no reason for any one of them to think that i don't like or don't care about them. This is the quandry.
i must be busy - so incredibly busy on that day - so that i simply cannot attend. this is the easy way out.
but what is the right way out?
Friday, March 13, 2009
it has been a while.
so here goes.
it has been crazy.
this past week, my husband was off from school, so i had some extra help around the house. this is excellent. i'm enjoying not having to do everything at once!
found out this week that my insurance doesn't cover regular doctor's visits. i'm not sick - i just need an appointment. and we don't have vision coverage. and i need new contacts. a new prescription, actually. insurance here in NY is super expensive, and ridiculous. people talk about affordable healthcare for everyone - um, when? and how in the world is that possible?
taking a moment for an attitude check:
i really do have everything i need
i am grateful for my job
i am loved
and it's sunny outside.
pms is such an annoying thing. trying to cope without crying, yelling, or overreacting. or being insanely silly, like i was at worship rehearsal last night. or overeating on sweets. i have kept up the walking-during-lunch-every-day thing at work. so that's a plus, right? it almost negates one piece of candy.
the in-laws are coming this weekend, and i'm excited. i've baked a cake to celebrate their birthdays - dad's on last Sunday, and mom's on this Sunday. it's amazing yellow cake - fluffy, perfectly vanilla-y sweet. i made a round 2-layer, and stuck strawberry jam between the two. the best part? the icing is Hershey's special-dark chocolate. you actually melt a whole stick of butter, add the baking cocoa, and then gradually the 3 cups of powdered sugar, alternating with the 1/3 cup of milk. vanilla goes in last, and voila - amazing. so smooth, so very chocolaty. and great for me being so overemotional and such. it came out perfectly when i iced the cake, so i topped it with heart shaped sprinkles (maybe a little too valentine-esque, but whatever. i like it.), and displayed it on my crystal cake stand...in the fridge, of course. i'm proud of myself!
last night, in addition to worship rehearsal after work (which was good), I managed to clean the entire shower (not fun) and the vinyl shower curtain liner. bleach is my friend. i don't like either of those tasks, but it's over. and stuff is clean.
want to hear about a laundry fiasco? i'm already frustrated that i have to pay for laundry, though i know that many other people do, but this was worse. our clothes went in the washer, with soap, for the right amount of time, on the cold cycle. i came back 23 minutes later to find that the machine didn't actually complete the final spin cycle. everything was absolutely soaked. and freezing. and it was raining outside.
so i squeezed most of the water out of most of the things and i hung them up to dry. here's the most annoying part: there was my lovely, thirsty cotton-loop bath mat in that load of wash. it was so heavily soaked that it was hard to carry, let alone hang. and there was no space. i put it in the dryer on high, alone. it came out still wet, but at least it was hang-able. i hung it up for three days to dry - and when i took it down, it had RUST SPOTS. three lovely lines of yellowish rust. this seems impossible, especially knowing that my metal drying rack is actually painted white. there are no chips in it. it's almost new. but, alas - there are the stains.
i know someone else has to have made a mistake like that.
at any rate, i've been very thankful for my husband's help this week - he has been really amazing.
love.
it has been crazy.
this past week, my husband was off from school, so i had some extra help around the house. this is excellent. i'm enjoying not having to do everything at once!
found out this week that my insurance doesn't cover regular doctor's visits. i'm not sick - i just need an appointment. and we don't have vision coverage. and i need new contacts. a new prescription, actually. insurance here in NY is super expensive, and ridiculous. people talk about affordable healthcare for everyone - um, when? and how in the world is that possible?
taking a moment for an attitude check:
i really do have everything i need
i am grateful for my job
i am loved
and it's sunny outside.
pms is such an annoying thing. trying to cope without crying, yelling, or overreacting. or being insanely silly, like i was at worship rehearsal last night. or overeating on sweets. i have kept up the walking-during-lunch-every-day thing at work. so that's a plus, right? it almost negates one piece of candy.
the in-laws are coming this weekend, and i'm excited. i've baked a cake to celebrate their birthdays - dad's on last Sunday, and mom's on this Sunday. it's amazing yellow cake - fluffy, perfectly vanilla-y sweet. i made a round 2-layer, and stuck strawberry jam between the two. the best part? the icing is Hershey's special-dark chocolate. you actually melt a whole stick of butter, add the baking cocoa, and then gradually the 3 cups of powdered sugar, alternating with the 1/3 cup of milk. vanilla goes in last, and voila - amazing. so smooth, so very chocolaty. and great for me being so overemotional and such. it came out perfectly when i iced the cake, so i topped it with heart shaped sprinkles (maybe a little too valentine-esque, but whatever. i like it.), and displayed it on my crystal cake stand...in the fridge, of course. i'm proud of myself!
last night, in addition to worship rehearsal after work (which was good), I managed to clean the entire shower (not fun) and the vinyl shower curtain liner. bleach is my friend. i don't like either of those tasks, but it's over. and stuff is clean.
want to hear about a laundry fiasco? i'm already frustrated that i have to pay for laundry, though i know that many other people do, but this was worse. our clothes went in the washer, with soap, for the right amount of time, on the cold cycle. i came back 23 minutes later to find that the machine didn't actually complete the final spin cycle. everything was absolutely soaked. and freezing. and it was raining outside.
so i squeezed most of the water out of most of the things and i hung them up to dry. here's the most annoying part: there was my lovely, thirsty cotton-loop bath mat in that load of wash. it was so heavily soaked that it was hard to carry, let alone hang. and there was no space. i put it in the dryer on high, alone. it came out still wet, but at least it was hang-able. i hung it up for three days to dry - and when i took it down, it had RUST SPOTS. three lovely lines of yellowish rust. this seems impossible, especially knowing that my metal drying rack is actually painted white. there are no chips in it. it's almost new. but, alas - there are the stains.
i know someone else has to have made a mistake like that.
at any rate, i've been very thankful for my husband's help this week - he has been really amazing.
love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)