The last time I published was in May. There are many excuses. But here I am, anyway, with good news!
There will be another little one added to our family in mid-January! We got to see our tiny baby just last week via ultrasound, and six weeks earlier saw his or her strong, beating heart. What a blessing and an answer to our prayers. God is good to us!
The baby will be about 25 months younger than Joshua, which I think sounds just about perfect. They'll get to grow up together, play together, and have each other to lean on as they go through life.
I'm praying for strength, peace, and grace to be a good mommy to the two little blessings that we've been given!
I do think I could now do a list of the little things, don't you?
1. Our tiny baby with wiggly hands and feet, and a strong heartbeat
2. My Joshua giving me kisses and picking flowers for me when we're outside
3. Having the opportunity this past June to teach at summer music school again
4. Being able to be there for a friend as she adjusts to her newest little one
5. Sharing maternity clothes with friends
6. Already being past the nausea and food aversions, and feeling more energetic
7. The blessing of peace in place of my fear for this pregnancy
8. The conversations Brad and I have already had about possible names for our littlest
9. Quiet evenings and nights of unbroken sleep, thanks to a certain newly sleeping-through-the-night toddler
10. Being blessed in so many ways because God is good. He is holy, sovereign, and in control. That he has his glory and his purpose in mind, even in the most difficult of times. That he hears our hearts' cries and holds us in every moment.
I may someday share about the depth of pain and struggle that we've been through, but for now, it's enough to know that God is faithful, that he is present, and that we are held in his hands no matter the circumstance.
I am so thankful!
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Like play-doh
It's said that the sense of smell is one of our greatest memory triggers. I remember Nanny when I smell her laundry detergent on a vintage sheet that has been tucked away for years. Lavender hand soap reminds me of the first time I visited Brad's parents' home as his brand-new girlfriend. I hear the laughs of my dorm-mates when I encounter the same scent that lingered in those halls. Crackling wood fires bring to mind memories of childhood campfires in the woods behind my parents' home, and cookouts at the church in the fall. Even the smell of dead flies (ha!) reminds me of the fly-strewn practice room that houses my favorite piano at college.
Touch and texture remind me of things, too. Play-doh, that smooth to crumbly feeling that smells just like...play-doh? You know! And the plastic tub. The dough that's molded over and over and shaped and stretched and cut and extruded and smooshed back into the container with three different colors mixed in for another day. (Happy run-on sentence to you. You're welcome.)
Lately, I feel like play-doh. Familiar, soft, playful. Sometimes a little crumbly. Not perfect. Molded again and again and definitely not what I used to be. Still good, but not what I used to be. And my heart is so much softer than the first day I let God use me, the first time I let him have control of my life.
Life is full of beautiful blessings. Days that turn out perfectly, a loving family, a comfortable home, a beautiful, boisterous baby boy. But there is so much pain, too. I can't share all my pain here, yet, maybe never, but know that if you're hurting, I will cry with you.
There is a family in Buffalo, NY whose preschooler, Ben, has been diagnosed with a tumor, a cancer that has given him mere weeks to live. Ben is a twin. And the middle child in a perfect little family. They love God. They believe, they trust. But the end of Ben's life appears to be imminent. I know that God can redeem this situation somehow, but it seems that there will be tears. And mourning. And grief. And many whys with no answers that satisfy. His mother keeps saying "but God." But God could intervene.
He has, and He will. God is sovereign. He gives generously, and takes away. We may never know why on this side of eternity, but we can trust Him because He loves us.
Even so, I'm crying for little Ben and his family tonight. I'm crying because my heart resonates with the pain of loss, and of aching for ones I've loved. Because I know the peace that passes understanding, and his name is Jesus. He is the only hope for our hurting souls, and the only answer to the death, destruction, and pain in this world. He is the only one, who by his own strength overcame the grave, and who gives us a future and a hope in heaven. He has made the way for us to become children of God, and to live with Him through eternity.
I'm taking comfort in that tonight. Even though I feel like I'm crumbling. Bits of me smashed up with other bits that I didn't think belonged. But I'll be rolled out and shaped and formed each day of my life and one day, become exactly what my Father planned for me all along. The pain, the sorrow, the joys, the blessings, the longings, the dreams fulfilled - they will all be worth it. They will come together as part of His glorious plan and I will be perfectly content, rejoicing in Him.
Come, Lord Jesus, come!
Touch and texture remind me of things, too. Play-doh, that smooth to crumbly feeling that smells just like...play-doh? You know! And the plastic tub. The dough that's molded over and over and shaped and stretched and cut and extruded and smooshed back into the container with three different colors mixed in for another day. (Happy run-on sentence to you. You're welcome.)
Lately, I feel like play-doh. Familiar, soft, playful. Sometimes a little crumbly. Not perfect. Molded again and again and definitely not what I used to be. Still good, but not what I used to be. And my heart is so much softer than the first day I let God use me, the first time I let him have control of my life.
Life is full of beautiful blessings. Days that turn out perfectly, a loving family, a comfortable home, a beautiful, boisterous baby boy. But there is so much pain, too. I can't share all my pain here, yet, maybe never, but know that if you're hurting, I will cry with you.
There is a family in Buffalo, NY whose preschooler, Ben, has been diagnosed with a tumor, a cancer that has given him mere weeks to live. Ben is a twin. And the middle child in a perfect little family. They love God. They believe, they trust. But the end of Ben's life appears to be imminent. I know that God can redeem this situation somehow, but it seems that there will be tears. And mourning. And grief. And many whys with no answers that satisfy. His mother keeps saying "but God." But God could intervene.
He has, and He will. God is sovereign. He gives generously, and takes away. We may never know why on this side of eternity, but we can trust Him because He loves us.
Even so, I'm crying for little Ben and his family tonight. I'm crying because my heart resonates with the pain of loss, and of aching for ones I've loved. Because I know the peace that passes understanding, and his name is Jesus. He is the only hope for our hurting souls, and the only answer to the death, destruction, and pain in this world. He is the only one, who by his own strength overcame the grave, and who gives us a future and a hope in heaven. He has made the way for us to become children of God, and to live with Him through eternity.
I'm taking comfort in that tonight. Even though I feel like I'm crumbling. Bits of me smashed up with other bits that I didn't think belonged. But I'll be rolled out and shaped and formed each day of my life and one day, become exactly what my Father planned for me all along. The pain, the sorrow, the joys, the blessings, the longings, the dreams fulfilled - they will all be worth it. They will come together as part of His glorious plan and I will be perfectly content, rejoicing in Him.
Come, Lord Jesus, come!
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
someday
We're all waiting for it.
Someday.
Someday, I'll finish that degree. Someday, my child will sleep through the night. Someday, I'll have that job I've always wanted. Someday, we'll own the perfect house in the best part of town, near the grandparents, and close to our best friends. Someday, I'll be content with my body. Someday, we will go to the grocery store without worrying about whether or not we can have both yogurt and orange juice in the same week. Someday, I'll have a coordinating living room that's all my style. Someday, I'll have clothes that fit and are in style. Someday, we'll have time to go on weekly dates. Someday, we'll have enough. Someday. Someday. Someday.
How about contentment? How about being grateful for thisday? How about a heart full of thankfulness for the balmy weather, the clothes on my back, and the home that shelters my family? How about a joyful, peaceful spirit that rejoices in the blessings we've been given, and hands that give generously even when there is not much to give?
It's not just about contentment, though - it's about longing for what really satisfies our souls, for real peace, for true joy. It's about Jesus. And he said he's coming back for us Someday - to establish his heavenly kingdom, to spend eternity with those who have accepted his gift of forgiveness and eternal life. That's what all our hearts are looking for. He is the missing piece, the only way we can be truly satisfied, the only way we can have a truly fulfilling life. Knowing Him is the key to contentment. Without Jesus, everything else truly is meaningless, as ancient King Solomon discovered. With Jesus, we can take joy in the blessings we have here on earth. We can be truly thankful for what is given, and agree with Him that it is, in fact, enough, because He is enough.
Someday.
Someday, I'll finish that degree. Someday, my child will sleep through the night. Someday, I'll have that job I've always wanted. Someday, we'll own the perfect house in the best part of town, near the grandparents, and close to our best friends. Someday, I'll be content with my body. Someday, we will go to the grocery store without worrying about whether or not we can have both yogurt and orange juice in the same week. Someday, I'll have a coordinating living room that's all my style. Someday, I'll have clothes that fit and are in style. Someday, we'll have time to go on weekly dates. Someday, we'll have enough. Someday. Someday. Someday.
How about contentment? How about being grateful for thisday? How about a heart full of thankfulness for the balmy weather, the clothes on my back, and the home that shelters my family? How about a joyful, peaceful spirit that rejoices in the blessings we've been given, and hands that give generously even when there is not much to give?
It's not just about contentment, though - it's about longing for what really satisfies our souls, for real peace, for true joy. It's about Jesus. And he said he's coming back for us Someday - to establish his heavenly kingdom, to spend eternity with those who have accepted his gift of forgiveness and eternal life. That's what all our hearts are looking for. He is the missing piece, the only way we can be truly satisfied, the only way we can have a truly fulfilling life. Knowing Him is the key to contentment. Without Jesus, everything else truly is meaningless, as ancient King Solomon discovered. With Jesus, we can take joy in the blessings we have here on earth. We can be truly thankful for what is given, and agree with Him that it is, in fact, enough, because He is enough.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
oh, the unknown
poor, finite creatures
seeing glimpses of light
memories of brightness
and mostly darkness
weak, lonely beings
grasping handfuls of time
understanding little
until it passes
loved, cherished children
hearing stronger and clear
(you are not abandoned)
and I will hold you
---------------------L. L. Burr 2012
"For I know the plans I have for you..."
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding...he will make your paths straight."
"Because of your great compassion, you did not abandon them in the desert..."
"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love...As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him..."
"We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."
-----------------------
Well, friends, we're here at the end of August. Back-to-school sales are in full swing, some kiddos have stepped on the bus for the first time, and others have just entered their first college lecture hall. Teachers and professors have dusted off lesson plans and syllabi and are working to set the course for their semester. Counselors, principals, secretaries, and custodians have been hard at work preparing for the new year, and parents have been helping their children to adjust to the end of a summer filled with late nights, water balloons, sports, family reunions, campfires, and cartoons.
And I feel like I missed my bus. Like the world is going to go on without me, that I'm left at the end of the driveway by myself.
You know, like I pulled all my things together, organized my backpack, packed my lunch, put on the nice, new clothes, armed myself with my diplomas, and walked out the door just a moment too late.
But that's not completely true.
Yes, I'm armed with diplomas and teaching experience. I have my credentials, good references, an impressive resume, and an organized, ambitious spirit. I'm passionate about teaching students to explore the world of music, and I aim for excellence.
I am not moments too late.
I showed up, early, pressed and dressed. I had three promising interviews for positions that I was more than qualified to fill. And each time, found out that the position was given to someone else, that I wasn't the perfect fit they were looking for, that I would still be stuck here in my workout clothes trying to find a way to help our family make ends meet. Knowing full well that jobs are scarce in this area, yet clinging to the not-ideal, full-time position with benefits that allows hubby to draw a steady income so that we can pay our exorbitant rent and medical bills.
It's probably best that I didn't get any of those positions - each was at least a 45 minute drive from where we live. It's probably best that I'm not driving that far with a very pregnant belly in a vehicle that's a little too big for my 5'1" frame.
It just hurts. I know I could do each of those jobs very well, that students would like me and thrive, that administrators would approve, that communities would be influenced, and that excellence would take place. I know it would mean long hours, lots of driving, and lots of patience. I know it means a messier home and more things left undone here.
Did I take a wrong turn? Was that flash of light illuminating a path I thought I saw, or did I really see it? Why am I still left here, unemployed? Why is it so dark? How in the world am I going to get in two years of "mentored teaching experience" before my certificate extension expires (requiring me to take the certification exams again - a $300+ endeavor)?
Am I really supposed to be here? Still waiting?
We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You, Lord.
-------------
Who can know
the mind of our Creator?
Who can speak
of wonders yet unseen?
And who can reach
the heights of understanding
and play the notes of wisdom's melody?
Who has weighed
the dust of every mountain
And who has walked
the mysteries of the deep?
Who has laid the earth on its foundation
and who conducts the waves upon the sea?
I stand in awe of You
I stand in awe of You
So glorious and true
I stand in awe, I stand in awe
----------------------Martyn Layzell, "I Stand in Awe"
seeing glimpses of light
memories of brightness
and mostly darkness
weak, lonely beings
grasping handfuls of time
understanding little
until it passes
loved, cherished children
hearing stronger and clear
(you are not abandoned)
and I will hold you
---------------------L. L. Burr 2012
"For I know the plans I have for you..."
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding...he will make your paths straight."
"Because of your great compassion, you did not abandon them in the desert..."
"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love...As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him..."
"We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."
-----------------------
Well, friends, we're here at the end of August. Back-to-school sales are in full swing, some kiddos have stepped on the bus for the first time, and others have just entered their first college lecture hall. Teachers and professors have dusted off lesson plans and syllabi and are working to set the course for their semester. Counselors, principals, secretaries, and custodians have been hard at work preparing for the new year, and parents have been helping their children to adjust to the end of a summer filled with late nights, water balloons, sports, family reunions, campfires, and cartoons.
And I feel like I missed my bus. Like the world is going to go on without me, that I'm left at the end of the driveway by myself.
You know, like I pulled all my things together, organized my backpack, packed my lunch, put on the nice, new clothes, armed myself with my diplomas, and walked out the door just a moment too late.
But that's not completely true.
Yes, I'm armed with diplomas and teaching experience. I have my credentials, good references, an impressive resume, and an organized, ambitious spirit. I'm passionate about teaching students to explore the world of music, and I aim for excellence.
I am not moments too late.
I showed up, early, pressed and dressed. I had three promising interviews for positions that I was more than qualified to fill. And each time, found out that the position was given to someone else, that I wasn't the perfect fit they were looking for, that I would still be stuck here in my workout clothes trying to find a way to help our family make ends meet. Knowing full well that jobs are scarce in this area, yet clinging to the not-ideal, full-time position with benefits that allows hubby to draw a steady income so that we can pay our exorbitant rent and medical bills.
It's probably best that I didn't get any of those positions - each was at least a 45 minute drive from where we live. It's probably best that I'm not driving that far with a very pregnant belly in a vehicle that's a little too big for my 5'1" frame.
It just hurts. I know I could do each of those jobs very well, that students would like me and thrive, that administrators would approve, that communities would be influenced, and that excellence would take place. I know it would mean long hours, lots of driving, and lots of patience. I know it means a messier home and more things left undone here.
Did I take a wrong turn? Was that flash of light illuminating a path I thought I saw, or did I really see it? Why am I still left here, unemployed? Why is it so dark? How in the world am I going to get in two years of "mentored teaching experience" before my certificate extension expires (requiring me to take the certification exams again - a $300+ endeavor)?
Am I really supposed to be here? Still waiting?
We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You, Lord.
-------------
Who can know
the mind of our Creator?
Who can speak
of wonders yet unseen?
And who can reach
the heights of understanding
and play the notes of wisdom's melody?
Who has weighed
the dust of every mountain
And who has walked
the mysteries of the deep?
Who has laid the earth on its foundation
and who conducts the waves upon the sea?
I stand in awe of You
I stand in awe of You
So glorious and true
I stand in awe, I stand in awe
----------------------Martyn Layzell, "I Stand in Awe"
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
little things
Today's little things are actually quite big to me! This will be a long-ish post. I hope you'll stick with me.
First, the little things:
1. Seeing a big, fat robin preening himself on the fence around our side yard. I just stood and watched him for about a minute. There are also little, tiny blue flowers growing at the bottom of the fence - I will have to take a picture for you.
2. Holding my husband's hand in the car. Something extra safe and secure about that - no seatbelt could ever make me feel so protected.
3. Sunshine streaming through closed blinds - the promise of another pretty summer day
4. Unlimited access to clean drinking water and to a fully functional bathroom. And nice-smelling soap and soft towels. This is high priority for pregnant women.
5. Friends that care to check in on me and find out how I really am
6. Fresh blueberries from the public market - directly from the farmer who grew 'em. So sweet.
7. Maternity Shorts. Capital. What a wonderful idea to put a soft, stretchy panel in a cute pair of dark denim Bermudas. And thank you to the sweet woman who dropped them off at the thrift store instead of the pricier consignment shop across the street.
8. Feeling our baby boy move - little kicks and punches that feel like bubble wrap bursting in my belly.
9. Reassuring doctors who take time out of their vacations to update us on test results
10. Knowing that our baby's genetic tests show that he's normal and healthy
The last three "little things" have been huge to hubby and me this past week. Exactly a week ago today, I went to the follow-up appointment with my ob/gyn after my 19 week sonogram a week before (two weeks ago today). Everything had looked great on the sonogram - the technician called what she saw "textbook" for development, commenting again and again on how well kidneys, heart, brain, bones, and even the umbilical cord were formed. We were confident that Baby was doing great - wiggling, kicking, scrunching his little fists, and making faces. I left the sonogram and had a routine blood test done, feeling happy about our little one and never doubting that anything could be wrong with our precious boy.
So, at the follow-up appointment, my doctor came in the room to discuss the blood test results. All of my other test results have been normal thus far, and I have no predicting factors for making this one any different - but it was. This was the "quad screen" test, which looks for levels of different proteins that serve as potential markers for physical abnormalities in the developing baby. My test came back with low levels of a certain protein, which indicated that I had an increased risk of having a baby with Down's syndrome. Evidently, the normal risk factor for a woman my age is something like 1 in 950, and mine was calculated at 1 in 250...about the risk for a woman 10 years older than me.
I'm pretty sure my heart went into overdrive. The rest of the visit - listening to the statistics, hearing the baby's heartbeat (normal rate), carrying the paperwork to the check-out desk - all of it is a blur, except for this clear, strong voice in my head that said, just once, "he doesn't have it." I had been praying the whole time, and trying so hard not to cry. I'm pretty sure I was pale. My ob/gyn made a call to the specialist immediately, and got me an appointment for just two days later instead of the two weeks I would normally have to wait. I was thankful for that. I told him so.
I made it all the way through the grocery store and back home before I cried. I left a message for hubby to call me - and then I spent most of the next two days crying. And praying. And trying so hard to believe the voice I heard. Wanting to hope, wanting to know, wanting to believe - but so afraid that if I did, I would be wrong. It was so hard to trust. I spent hours reading the psalms, trying to sing, and throwing myself into housework so I wouldn't cry. I felt Baby move more often in those two days than I have before - I wonder if he could feel how stressed and worried I felt. I'm pretty sure I ate healthy foods, but I don't really remember. There are still chips left and the salad is gone, so I guess I did.
On Thursday last week, we went to see the specialist. Hubby got a couple hours off of work to come with me (we're sharing a car right now), and I was so glad to have him with me. The specialist looked over our ultrasound pictures again, and reassured us that he believed that Baby was one of the 249 babies without DS, not the one with the extra copies of chromosomes (for that's what causes Down's - it's having multiple copies of the smallest chromosome). He explained all the physical markers and showed us that our baby did not have those physical signs - that everything looked normal. He said this knowledge, along with our other previously normal-looking tests, added up to a risk that was probably closer to 1 in 400 - but still a risk. Do you know how comforting the word "normal" is?
The specialist gave us three options to consider. 1. Wait until the baby is born to know for sure, 2. have an expensive, not paid by insurance, brand-new-in-the-last-6-months blood test done to analyze my DNA and the fragments of baby's DNA in my blood - an almost definitive yes or no, or 3. Have an insurance-covered amniocentesis done: a definitive test. The first two options both carried some what-ifs. What if we didn't know about the disorder, and baby had it? That could complicate the birth process, for one, and leave us a bit unprepared for what laid ahead. What if the blood test said he had DS, but he was born normal and healthy? We'd worry and prepare for no reason. The only definitive answer would be from the amniocentesis - and that procedure carries with it the risk of miscarriage - about 1 in 400.
The specialist left us for a few minutes to talk and consider what to do. I almost burst into tears when he left, but hubby was holding my hand. We talked about the risks, and decided that we needed to know if Baby was okay. We told the doctor that we would do the amniocentesis, I signed paperwork, and hubby had to go back to work. I texted a friend to come and pick me up from the procedure - she was wonderful to come and get me.
The procedure for an amniocentesis involves drawing a few tablespoons of fluid out of the amniotic sac around the Baby. The needle goes through the mother's stomach and, guided by ultrasound, into an area where Baby isn't going to be inside the fluid sac. I couldn't watch. It only hurt a little at the insertion point, and it was over quickly. They checked Baby's heart rate afterward, and it was normal. He was wiggly as usual. I was so very emotionally and physically tired. I walked slowly to the door of the hospital, rode home, thanked my friend, and slept for two hours on the couch. Baby was kicking like crazy - that felt reassuring to me.
And then we waited. The specialist promised to call us with results on Monday, even though he would be on vacation all this week. Friday was a long, long day! I don't remember much of Saturday, except going to the market with a friend. I think I slept a lot. Sunday, we prayed, worshiped, sang, and heard a sermon about the dangers of pride, of self-reliance - the danger of not trusting God. We held hands, and prayed that God had made our baby perfectly, that there had been no "mistake" in chromosome copies, that he was healthy and normal. We were scared, but thankful for the specialist's confidence.
Monday, I waited almost all day, until the call came a bit after 4pm. I picked up the phone, my heart racing, blood pumping in my ears. "Good news," the specialist said, "your baby does not have Down's syndrome." There will be further analysis of his genetic material, but this big question is answered. The doctor is confident that no other disorders will be revealed. Baby looks healthy and normal. He doesn't have a major chromosomal disorder. We are so relieved! And thankful. And full of love for our gracious God and our tiny Little One.
We went out to dinner to celebrate (with a gift card, of course) our little (BIG!) blessing. May we never take for granted that our boy will be able to eat well, sleep well, fill a diaper well, learn to use the potty without trouble, speak well, think well, run well, play well, get messy, make mistakes, make friends, learn quickly, play an instrument, go to college, get married, and have a family. May we remember that normal life - normal, everyday, sticky mess filled, auto-pilot life - is a blessing.
So thankful for the little things, and for our Little One. Full of joy!
1. Seeing a big, fat robin preening himself on the fence around our side yard. I just stood and watched him for about a minute. There are also little, tiny blue flowers growing at the bottom of the fence - I will have to take a picture for you.
2. Holding my husband's hand in the car. Something extra safe and secure about that - no seatbelt could ever make me feel so protected.
3. Sunshine streaming through closed blinds - the promise of another pretty summer day
4. Unlimited access to clean drinking water and to a fully functional bathroom. And nice-smelling soap and soft towels. This is high priority for pregnant women.
5. Friends that care to check in on me and find out how I really am
6. Fresh blueberries from the public market - directly from the farmer who grew 'em. So sweet.
7. Maternity Shorts. Capital. What a wonderful idea to put a soft, stretchy panel in a cute pair of dark denim Bermudas. And thank you to the sweet woman who dropped them off at the thrift store instead of the pricier consignment shop across the street.
8. Feeling our baby boy move - little kicks and punches that feel like bubble wrap bursting in my belly.
9. Reassuring doctors who take time out of their vacations to update us on test results
10. Knowing that our baby's genetic tests show that he's normal and healthy
The last three "little things" have been huge to hubby and me this past week. Exactly a week ago today, I went to the follow-up appointment with my ob/gyn after my 19 week sonogram a week before (two weeks ago today). Everything had looked great on the sonogram - the technician called what she saw "textbook" for development, commenting again and again on how well kidneys, heart, brain, bones, and even the umbilical cord were formed. We were confident that Baby was doing great - wiggling, kicking, scrunching his little fists, and making faces. I left the sonogram and had a routine blood test done, feeling happy about our little one and never doubting that anything could be wrong with our precious boy.
So, at the follow-up appointment, my doctor came in the room to discuss the blood test results. All of my other test results have been normal thus far, and I have no predicting factors for making this one any different - but it was. This was the "quad screen" test, which looks for levels of different proteins that serve as potential markers for physical abnormalities in the developing baby. My test came back with low levels of a certain protein, which indicated that I had an increased risk of having a baby with Down's syndrome. Evidently, the normal risk factor for a woman my age is something like 1 in 950, and mine was calculated at 1 in 250...about the risk for a woman 10 years older than me.
I'm pretty sure my heart went into overdrive. The rest of the visit - listening to the statistics, hearing the baby's heartbeat (normal rate), carrying the paperwork to the check-out desk - all of it is a blur, except for this clear, strong voice in my head that said, just once, "he doesn't have it." I had been praying the whole time, and trying so hard not to cry. I'm pretty sure I was pale. My ob/gyn made a call to the specialist immediately, and got me an appointment for just two days later instead of the two weeks I would normally have to wait. I was thankful for that. I told him so.
I made it all the way through the grocery store and back home before I cried. I left a message for hubby to call me - and then I spent most of the next two days crying. And praying. And trying so hard to believe the voice I heard. Wanting to hope, wanting to know, wanting to believe - but so afraid that if I did, I would be wrong. It was so hard to trust. I spent hours reading the psalms, trying to sing, and throwing myself into housework so I wouldn't cry. I felt Baby move more often in those two days than I have before - I wonder if he could feel how stressed and worried I felt. I'm pretty sure I ate healthy foods, but I don't really remember. There are still chips left and the salad is gone, so I guess I did.
On Thursday last week, we went to see the specialist. Hubby got a couple hours off of work to come with me (we're sharing a car right now), and I was so glad to have him with me. The specialist looked over our ultrasound pictures again, and reassured us that he believed that Baby was one of the 249 babies without DS, not the one with the extra copies of chromosomes (for that's what causes Down's - it's having multiple copies of the smallest chromosome). He explained all the physical markers and showed us that our baby did not have those physical signs - that everything looked normal. He said this knowledge, along with our other previously normal-looking tests, added up to a risk that was probably closer to 1 in 400 - but still a risk. Do you know how comforting the word "normal" is?
The specialist gave us three options to consider. 1. Wait until the baby is born to know for sure, 2. have an expensive, not paid by insurance, brand-new-in-the-last-6-months blood test done to analyze my DNA and the fragments of baby's DNA in my blood - an almost definitive yes or no, or 3. Have an insurance-covered amniocentesis done: a definitive test. The first two options both carried some what-ifs. What if we didn't know about the disorder, and baby had it? That could complicate the birth process, for one, and leave us a bit unprepared for what laid ahead. What if the blood test said he had DS, but he was born normal and healthy? We'd worry and prepare for no reason. The only definitive answer would be from the amniocentesis - and that procedure carries with it the risk of miscarriage - about 1 in 400.
The specialist left us for a few minutes to talk and consider what to do. I almost burst into tears when he left, but hubby was holding my hand. We talked about the risks, and decided that we needed to know if Baby was okay. We told the doctor that we would do the amniocentesis, I signed paperwork, and hubby had to go back to work. I texted a friend to come and pick me up from the procedure - she was wonderful to come and get me.
The procedure for an amniocentesis involves drawing a few tablespoons of fluid out of the amniotic sac around the Baby. The needle goes through the mother's stomach and, guided by ultrasound, into an area where Baby isn't going to be inside the fluid sac. I couldn't watch. It only hurt a little at the insertion point, and it was over quickly. They checked Baby's heart rate afterward, and it was normal. He was wiggly as usual. I was so very emotionally and physically tired. I walked slowly to the door of the hospital, rode home, thanked my friend, and slept for two hours on the couch. Baby was kicking like crazy - that felt reassuring to me.
And then we waited. The specialist promised to call us with results on Monday, even though he would be on vacation all this week. Friday was a long, long day! I don't remember much of Saturday, except going to the market with a friend. I think I slept a lot. Sunday, we prayed, worshiped, sang, and heard a sermon about the dangers of pride, of self-reliance - the danger of not trusting God. We held hands, and prayed that God had made our baby perfectly, that there had been no "mistake" in chromosome copies, that he was healthy and normal. We were scared, but thankful for the specialist's confidence.
Monday, I waited almost all day, until the call came a bit after 4pm. I picked up the phone, my heart racing, blood pumping in my ears. "Good news," the specialist said, "your baby does not have Down's syndrome." There will be further analysis of his genetic material, but this big question is answered. The doctor is confident that no other disorders will be revealed. Baby looks healthy and normal. He doesn't have a major chromosomal disorder. We are so relieved! And thankful. And full of love for our gracious God and our tiny Little One.
We went out to dinner to celebrate (with a gift card, of course) our little (BIG!) blessing. May we never take for granted that our boy will be able to eat well, sleep well, fill a diaper well, learn to use the potty without trouble, speak well, think well, run well, play well, get messy, make mistakes, make friends, learn quickly, play an instrument, go to college, get married, and have a family. May we remember that normal life - normal, everyday, sticky mess filled, auto-pilot life - is a blessing.
So thankful for the little things, and for our Little One. Full of joy!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Baby is...
...an adorable little one? Yes. We think so!
But that's probably not what you wanted to know. :o)
...BOY!!!
We had our second trimester sonogram today, and Baby Boy looks great!
Since Hubby couldn't make it to the sonogram because of a stupid meeting that he had to attend, I made a scrapbook page with two options for the sonographer - a "boy" square in blue, and a "girl" square in pink. She was so willing and happy to paste it on the page for me after she found out, and then tucked it away in an envelope. Then, we waited all day to find out. Hubby and I opened the envelope together when he got home from work. We're so excited and thankful for our son!
Thursday, May 31, 2012
on moving
There's a C.S. Lewis quote somewhere that I can't find right now, but he said something like this:
The new home is quite tiresome until its new ways become as habitual as the old home.
Things like, say, knowing which light switches turn on the light in the hallway, how far to close the bathroom door before the hall door will open wide enough, how firmly to turn the handle, finding a light for above the sink, discovering the best times to open/close blinds, where to go running, how to get to the grocery store, finding a church to be a part of, getting used to the smells, the sounds, the sights, the neighbors...
We've relocated three times in our four years of marriage - the first to a just-outside-of-town, small apartment near Hubby's grad school (exciting, tiring, uneventful), the second to a rural 2-bedroom house near my grad school (terribly difficult, exhausting), and the third, just now, to an unfamiliar city (both a relief and overwhelming, but mostly uneventful).
The process is long and tiring. From packing up boxes and finding enough bubble wrap and tape, to cleaning the old (after packing) and the new place (before unpacking), carrying heavy loads more times than we thought we could, to the actual adjusting and unpacking and adventurous discovering, I really have a very emotional time getting through this moving thing.
Maybe it's being pregnant, but packing things away was both cathartic (textbooks, dishes I don't use, off-season clothes, thrift store pile) and emotional (the beautiful clay pot from our church, the photos, the hubby's shoes). I had some help from my mom and my in-laws, and I was thankful for that. At the same time, it was hard to accept help! We all have our ideas about how things should be done and where they should go, and it's hard to just let things be. For a while, I couldn't find the boxes for my everyday china, and it distressed me. The china was packed away in other boxes, while I ran out of boxes for other things!
And on the "having help" thing - people keep asking where I want things, how to put things away. Hubby asks questions to which I thought he should have already known the answers. The swiffer and the box of candles are in the attic instead of downstairs. The table linens were packed with the rugs. Some power strips were packed with a Pyrex dish.
I love having family and friends that care and help and ask and offer and just do things for us. At the same time, after I've been packing, cleaning, lifting, driving, lifting, and unpacking, it's so hard to be patient. I hope that I handled most things gracefully. I sure know when I didn't, and I hope my family will understand.
So, I'm sure you're wondering about this move, right? Well, we got the moving truck, on time, and with our discount applied from the last (terrible) moving experience. I didn't post about that one because I was so upset and afraid I would say something regrettable online. Anyway, we were loaded up and ready for pizza by about 12:45pm. We ate, took last minute pictures of the interior condition, and left.
Mom and I arrived first at the apartment at about 3pm, with the kitties in tow. We brought them inside and put them in our new office space so that they would be out of the way for all the craziness. I gave Mom a mini-tour of the place: office, hall, living room, bedroom, walk-in closet/baby's room, kitchen, bathroom, deck, and...the attic.
Just as I began to open the attic door, there were footsteps! Then scratching. And banging on the door, and more scratching. We got pretty nervous - what if it was a rabid raccoon, or a really big squirrel, or.... So I called the landlord, and asked for an exterminator. This was a holiday weekend, on a Saturday, so response was kinda slow. We moved in boxes anyway, filling the deck with the things to go to the attic once the animal was removed.
Our friends, Meg and Bob, showed up to help us unload. Thanks, guys! My parents, my in-laws, my brothers and their wives, and my sister were all there to help us, too. We couldn't have done it without you all!
By about 5pm, the animal exterminator had come - and removed the poor animal: a very dehydrated, very sad black kitty. The cat had belonged to the previous tenants, who had moved out over a month and a half ago. They claim that they couldn't find the cat when they moved, and he was just left behind! The poor thing had been living in the attic for the entire time. Very sad, indeed. We hope that he has a new family to take care of him.
The rest of the move-in was mostly fine. There are some areas of the house that have been badly stained and stink-ified from the poor kitty's bathroom needs, and we're having those addressed by the landlord. I've cleaned my best, but the scent seems to have sunk into the wood.
Our new neighbors downstairs seem friendly, and we're getting things put in their new places! Tomorrow, my family will be driving through on their way to a wedding, and we'll have them over for dinner. We're hoping they'll see a huge improvement in the place!
We're thankful for the ways that God has provided for us - financially, physically, emotionally. We're grateful to have a decent place to live, a landlord that seems to care about his rental units, and nice neighbors. We're hoping for a great stay here, and that God leads us clearly to our next steps in our life together.
The new home is quite tiresome until its new ways become as habitual as the old home.
We've relocated three times in our four years of marriage - the first to a just-outside-of-town, small apartment near Hubby's grad school (exciting, tiring, uneventful), the second to a rural 2-bedroom house near my grad school (terribly difficult, exhausting), and the third, just now, to an unfamiliar city (both a relief and overwhelming, but mostly uneventful).
The process is long and tiring. From packing up boxes and finding enough bubble wrap and tape, to cleaning the old (after packing) and the new place (before unpacking), carrying heavy loads more times than we thought we could, to the actual adjusting and unpacking and adventurous discovering, I really have a very emotional time getting through this moving thing.
Maybe it's being pregnant, but packing things away was both cathartic (textbooks, dishes I don't use, off-season clothes, thrift store pile) and emotional (the beautiful clay pot from our church, the photos, the hubby's shoes). I had some help from my mom and my in-laws, and I was thankful for that. At the same time, it was hard to accept help! We all have our ideas about how things should be done and where they should go, and it's hard to just let things be. For a while, I couldn't find the boxes for my everyday china, and it distressed me. The china was packed away in other boxes, while I ran out of boxes for other things!
And on the "having help" thing - people keep asking where I want things, how to put things away. Hubby asks questions to which I thought he should have already known the answers. The swiffer and the box of candles are in the attic instead of downstairs. The table linens were packed with the rugs. Some power strips were packed with a Pyrex dish.
I love having family and friends that care and help and ask and offer and just do things for us. At the same time, after I've been packing, cleaning, lifting, driving, lifting, and unpacking, it's so hard to be patient. I hope that I handled most things gracefully. I sure know when I didn't, and I hope my family will understand.
So, I'm sure you're wondering about this move, right? Well, we got the moving truck, on time, and with our discount applied from the last (terrible) moving experience. I didn't post about that one because I was so upset and afraid I would say something regrettable online. Anyway, we were loaded up and ready for pizza by about 12:45pm. We ate, took last minute pictures of the interior condition, and left.
Mom and I arrived first at the apartment at about 3pm, with the kitties in tow. We brought them inside and put them in our new office space so that they would be out of the way for all the craziness. I gave Mom a mini-tour of the place: office, hall, living room, bedroom, walk-in closet/baby's room, kitchen, bathroom, deck, and...the attic.
Just as I began to open the attic door, there were footsteps! Then scratching. And banging on the door, and more scratching. We got pretty nervous - what if it was a rabid raccoon, or a really big squirrel, or.... So I called the landlord, and asked for an exterminator. This was a holiday weekend, on a Saturday, so response was kinda slow. We moved in boxes anyway, filling the deck with the things to go to the attic once the animal was removed.
Our friends, Meg and Bob, showed up to help us unload. Thanks, guys! My parents, my in-laws, my brothers and their wives, and my sister were all there to help us, too. We couldn't have done it without you all!
By about 5pm, the animal exterminator had come - and removed the poor animal: a very dehydrated, very sad black kitty. The cat had belonged to the previous tenants, who had moved out over a month and a half ago. They claim that they couldn't find the cat when they moved, and he was just left behind! The poor thing had been living in the attic for the entire time. Very sad, indeed. We hope that he has a new family to take care of him.
The rest of the move-in was mostly fine. There are some areas of the house that have been badly stained and stink-ified from the poor kitty's bathroom needs, and we're having those addressed by the landlord. I've cleaned my best, but the scent seems to have sunk into the wood.
Our new neighbors downstairs seem friendly, and we're getting things put in their new places! Tomorrow, my family will be driving through on their way to a wedding, and we'll have them over for dinner. We're hoping they'll see a huge improvement in the place!
We're thankful for the ways that God has provided for us - financially, physically, emotionally. We're grateful to have a decent place to live, a landlord that seems to care about his rental units, and nice neighbors. We're hoping for a great stay here, and that God leads us clearly to our next steps in our life together.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
I couldn't share with you all then, but I can now!
My Valentine's Day was beautiful and full of reminders of how much I'm loved. But beyond the gift of having my husband home with me, he also brought me a little tangible gift.
I gave him his gift first - you can see that here. Then, he asked me to close my eyes and hold out my hands (just like when he proposed to me, slipping the ring on my finger). When I reached out, this is what he put in my hands:
"Yes," he replied with quiet confidence. His strong arms reached out and pulled me in for a hug, as he whispered his love for me and a second affirmation, "I'm ready."
I gave him his gift first - you can see that here. Then, he asked me to close my eyes and hold out my hands (just like when he proposed to me, slipping the ring on my finger). When I reached out, this is what he put in my hands:
"Are you sure?" I asked, with surprise and joy in my voice, almost in tears.
"Yes," he replied with quiet confidence. His strong arms reached out and pulled me in for a hug, as he whispered his love for me and a second affirmation, "I'm ready."
I'll cherish that moment for always!
So grateful to God for the promise, the hope, and the big (little!) blessing we've been given.
Love you for always, my dear husband! Excited for this new time of life with you.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
it's a....
...baby!
Last Monday, I drove to the city where hubby works and met him for dinner at Outback Steakhouse under the guise of celebrating his birthday early. When we got back to his place, hubby opened his card:
We're having a baby! Our little one is due sometime in early December, and we're so excited!
We celebrated hubby's birthday last weekend for real - now, only a few days early - while my parents and his were in town for my last College Choir concert. We celebrated with birthday cake, and then revealed the cookies I made:
They were shocked! And surprised! And so happy.
Here's hubby's face just before we surprised our parents:
I also made little bibs for each of our immediate family members to take home - proud new grandparents, aunts, and uncles.
We can't wait to welcome our little one into the world! What a beautiful blessing.
....he was a little confused at first! But then, totally excited, because...
 |
| These cookies were actually Hubby's idea! So creative. |
Here's hubby's face just before we surprised our parents:
Friday, November 11, 2011
waiting in hope
And contentment! 1 Timothy 6:6 says that "godliness with contentment is great gain." It's just a verse earlier that the writer says that godliness leads to blessing, but not necessarily financial blessing.
Right now, we're in a place where we have to watch each penny so that we have enough. There's just a little extra, and that's going in savings. We have school loans to pay, and it seems futile to pay rent x2. It's disappointing that grocery trips are $20 more expensive this year than last year - economy woes. It's hard to pay so much for gas.
But the money is not what matters - it's how we're living and loving and making time for each other. It's about the little moments of pure joy and blessing, about long hugs and sunshine through the window, gently falling snow, bluebirds, cuddly cats, and sharing music together. It's about remembering that God has blessed and is blessing us richly. That our character is being formed. That we're growing. And waiting in hope that one day, all will finally be as it should be. That all will be peace, light, joy, awe, wonder.
We wait, in Hope. He Himself is our peace.
We'll make it through this time, and we'll find that we are more refined, strengthened, made more closely into what we should be.
We wait in hope.
Friday, November 4, 2011
positive post.
And now I will count my blessings:
1. Hubby and I will be together tonight. Yay! He has a job - another hooray!
2. Dinner is in the crock pot = less work for me. And I think hubby will love it - Sausage and Cheese Chowder.
3. I have already vacuumed and dusted and swept. All that's left to clean is the bathroom. (And do laundry. And file papers. But this is a blessing post, right?)
4. Grapefruit was the same price per pound as apples yesterday. Guess who bought beautiful ruby-red grapefruit instead of apples? Yes, me. Happy.
5. The fall colors are fewer and farther between, but they're lovely. I like how they begin to look darker, richer, red/brown-er as the fall fades.
6. The sunset tonight is beautiful - pink clouds with purple undersides, coral/pink sky, bare tree silhouettes. (Huh. "Silhouettes" is a French word we actually pronounce almost correctly in American English.)
7. My kitties are particularly snuggly today.
8. I have cute little fall decorations on the dining room table, and my "spiced pumpkin" scented candle is lit.
9. I am currently scheduling courses for my final semester of schoolwork. Final. Semester. This much closer to a Master's degree and a permanent NYS certification in Music Education.
10. I got to conduct in rehearsal a lot more often this week than usual. Good for me, and fun. More work, but fun.
There. Ten blessings. And a thankful heart, for God has provided everything I need.
Oh! and an eleventh: I have gummy-bear vitamins. That is all.
1. Hubby and I will be together tonight. Yay! He has a job - another hooray!
2. Dinner is in the crock pot = less work for me. And I think hubby will love it - Sausage and Cheese Chowder.
3. I have already vacuumed and dusted and swept. All that's left to clean is the bathroom. (And do laundry. And file papers. But this is a blessing post, right?)
4. Grapefruit was the same price per pound as apples yesterday. Guess who bought beautiful ruby-red grapefruit instead of apples? Yes, me. Happy.
5. The fall colors are fewer and farther between, but they're lovely. I like how they begin to look darker, richer, red/brown-er as the fall fades.
6. The sunset tonight is beautiful - pink clouds with purple undersides, coral/pink sky, bare tree silhouettes. (Huh. "Silhouettes" is a French word we actually pronounce almost correctly in American English.)
7. My kitties are particularly snuggly today.
8. I have cute little fall decorations on the dining room table, and my "spiced pumpkin" scented candle is lit.
9. I am currently scheduling courses for my final semester of schoolwork. Final. Semester. This much closer to a Master's degree and a permanent NYS certification in Music Education.
10. I got to conduct in rehearsal a lot more often this week than usual. Good for me, and fun. More work, but fun.
There. Ten blessings. And a thankful heart, for God has provided everything I need.
Oh! and an eleventh: I have gummy-bear vitamins. That is all.
Monday, August 16, 2010
in between times
This is one of those times where we're "in between." Between jobs, between school years, between decisions. It's hard to know right now what choice is right, what job will actually be ours, what to study, what to leave for another day.
The truth is that this is a mere speck on the cosmic horizon, and that God has this life in control. Regardless of how powerless, drained, stressed, angry, frustrated, and tearful I become, I know it's not my job to figure it out, but to be patient and to wait on His plan.
Knowledge is one thing. Actually acting on that knowledge is quite another story. Right now, we're waiting to hear whether or not my husband will have an interview for a job in his field, a job that would carry health insurance coverage for both of us, a job that would pay next month's rent, a job that would put food on next month's table, a job that, undoubtedly, 20 or more other candidates are hoping to get. Right now, I've applied for unemployment (which I may not get, since I'm a student now) and medicaid. We've paid half of this semester's tuition, because paying all of it means we have nothing left. In all of these actions, we're still waiting, still trying, still trusting. This still makes my stomach upset and my face break out - is it really trust if I feel so pressured? So weak and angry? So humiliated that our advanced college degrees still leave us seeking employment at the post office and fast food restaurants?
A current song says that these in between times are "just the dawn before the morning" and "the pain before the healing." It's so hard to be in the valley and not be able to see the way out - to be so broken in so many ways and to not be able to pull an A+ to get out. Morning is coming. Tomorrow is a new day. Perhaps I will not cry....tomorrow.
The truth is that this is a mere speck on the cosmic horizon, and that God has this life in control. Regardless of how powerless, drained, stressed, angry, frustrated, and tearful I become, I know it's not my job to figure it out, but to be patient and to wait on His plan.
Knowledge is one thing. Actually acting on that knowledge is quite another story. Right now, we're waiting to hear whether or not my husband will have an interview for a job in his field, a job that would carry health insurance coverage for both of us, a job that would pay next month's rent, a job that would put food on next month's table, a job that, undoubtedly, 20 or more other candidates are hoping to get. Right now, I've applied for unemployment (which I may not get, since I'm a student now) and medicaid. We've paid half of this semester's tuition, because paying all of it means we have nothing left. In all of these actions, we're still waiting, still trying, still trusting. This still makes my stomach upset and my face break out - is it really trust if I feel so pressured? So weak and angry? So humiliated that our advanced college degrees still leave us seeking employment at the post office and fast food restaurants?
A current song says that these in between times are "just the dawn before the morning" and "the pain before the healing." It's so hard to be in the valley and not be able to see the way out - to be so broken in so many ways and to not be able to pull an A+ to get out. Morning is coming. Tomorrow is a new day. Perhaps I will not cry....tomorrow.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
shock, anger, fear, acceptance, peace?
it has been a week since i was told that i am leaving the company, and i feel like i've been through these stages. i have been angry at my managers, afraid of what the future might hold, and finally, accepting of the situation. somewhere in between, there were moments of intense sadness, frustration, and failure. there are still some moments that i feel like i've failed.
at the same time, i know that this chapter in my life is ending. it has been a really rough road, and i haven't really enjoyed being in this job. my hope is that my example has been one that brings glory to Jesus, and not to me. I hope that someone has been changed by my words, actions, or attitude. I hope that my time there has not been in vain. i know God placed me there for a reason, and that i was a light in a very dark place.
and somehow, there's a peace in my heart. there's still pain, but God has given me unexplainable peace. and i don't deserve it, but i'm so grateful.
all that said, my husband and i are still unemployed.
he does have a second interview tomorrow, which is great!
I had an interview for a teaching position in a school yesterday morning - a panel of 7 interviewers, seated at a big rectangular table, firing off questions round-robin. not my favorite interview style (as if one could choose a "comfortable" way to interview). it was all done in a mere 15 minutes - i'm not sure if that was a good or bad thing. I do look forward to hearing if i will be asked to come back. it was an hour's drive from my home to this school. we'll look into moving if i get the job.
i had a nice, long talk with one of my dearest friends last night. she's going through some really difficult decision-making times, and i so wish that i could be with her. at least i can listen from afar. and maybe meet up on a saturday to do some shopping. i miss her.
my irises beside my little apartment deck are blooming! it's so fun to see that - like my little bit of labor paid off. as if i could ever make a plant grow...
here's a picture:
at the same time, i know that this chapter in my life is ending. it has been a really rough road, and i haven't really enjoyed being in this job. my hope is that my example has been one that brings glory to Jesus, and not to me. I hope that someone has been changed by my words, actions, or attitude. I hope that my time there has not been in vain. i know God placed me there for a reason, and that i was a light in a very dark place.
and somehow, there's a peace in my heart. there's still pain, but God has given me unexplainable peace. and i don't deserve it, but i'm so grateful.
all that said, my husband and i are still unemployed.
he does have a second interview tomorrow, which is great!
I had an interview for a teaching position in a school yesterday morning - a panel of 7 interviewers, seated at a big rectangular table, firing off questions round-robin. not my favorite interview style (as if one could choose a "comfortable" way to interview). it was all done in a mere 15 minutes - i'm not sure if that was a good or bad thing. I do look forward to hearing if i will be asked to come back. it was an hour's drive from my home to this school. we'll look into moving if i get the job.
i had a nice, long talk with one of my dearest friends last night. she's going through some really difficult decision-making times, and i so wish that i could be with her. at least i can listen from afar. and maybe meet up on a saturday to do some shopping. i miss her.
my irises beside my little apartment deck are blooming! it's so fun to see that - like my little bit of labor paid off. as if i could ever make a plant grow...
here's a picture:
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
surprised by joy
here's my little garden! i'm so happy to have a space to grow pretty flowers.
i made the stone garden myself - found the rocks, dug up the dirt, and put the bulbs in the dirt.
God makes it grow.
:o)
i made the stone garden myself - found the rocks, dug up the dirt, and put the bulbs in the dirt.
God makes it grow.
:o)
"Surprised by Joy" is the title of the book I'm reading by C.S. Lewis. Happily enough, the random "religious places" picture on my igoogle page yesterday was of his home and the schools where he taught. I love reading his work, and it's nice to have something to visualize as i read.
today has been full of little tasks - the kind that become annoying when there are so many of them. this kind of work frustrates me because it takes so little time to complete, it doesn't amount to much, and it eats up time that could be otherwise spent. not that i would like my work to cease, just that it would be nice to have bigger, longer tasks. still hoping for that music job. we'll see!
this is the prettiest yellow tulip in my tiny garden. random notes, i know.
mmm...the apple tarts i made in a cupcake tin. they turned out so tasty!
Friday, February 6, 2009
here i am
at work. still. and wondering what my day really amounted to - did i do anything eternally worthwhile? really, was putting in one new house listing, printing and emailing statistics, and putting together the daily report really that interesting? or helpful?
i should have taken the day off.
on the other hand, it's a lovely day. i had a nice walk/jog at lunchtime, and it was beautiful! it's "warm" again - in the 20's (Farenheit). The sunshine was a nice change of pace.
tonight my husband and i may go out to celebrate an early Valentine's Day...next weekend will be inconvenient for us. and who's to say that Valentine's Day can't be early? i like it. Even if we just stay in and dedicate the time to each other, that will be enough.
still so in love.
and i know i will be for the rest of my life.
i should have taken the day off.
on the other hand, it's a lovely day. i had a nice walk/jog at lunchtime, and it was beautiful! it's "warm" again - in the 20's (Farenheit). The sunshine was a nice change of pace.
tonight my husband and i may go out to celebrate an early Valentine's Day...next weekend will be inconvenient for us. and who's to say that Valentine's Day can't be early? i like it. Even if we just stay in and dedicate the time to each other, that will be enough.
still so in love.
and i know i will be for the rest of my life.
Monday, January 19, 2009
girls' night
last night was really nice - a bunch of the girls and i all got together and had a girls' night in. it involved making really tasty salads, enjoying nutella and truffles, and just being girly together. i haven't had fun like this since college, and it was great to enjoy their company!
coming home, though, made me even more thankful for my husband. he is everything i could have asked for, and so much more than i deserve. so in love.
today i'm thankful for the beauty of the blue sky and sun - so lovely.
my husband's car broke down and is irreparable. today we just bought a new-to-us used car from a man at church who fixes up old cars and resells them at a crazy-low price. we're so blessed to be able to even get another car - and we're thankful. even though it means half our savings are gone.
we'll make it through - God takes care of us, and provides for all our needs.
coming home, though, made me even more thankful for my husband. he is everything i could have asked for, and so much more than i deserve. so in love.
today i'm thankful for the beauty of the blue sky and sun - so lovely.
my husband's car broke down and is irreparable. today we just bought a new-to-us used car from a man at church who fixes up old cars and resells them at a crazy-low price. we're so blessed to be able to even get another car - and we're thankful. even though it means half our savings are gone.
we'll make it through - God takes care of us, and provides for all our needs.
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