Mara's birth story

We're so happy to welcome our sweet daughter to our family! Little Mara Grace has been with us for almost four weeks now - unbelievable.

I have rather prompt children, I guess! Both my son and my daughter were born on their due dates, an experience that I'm told is rather rare.

One day old!

On Friday the 16th, I had my 40 week obgyn appointment. My due date was Saturday, January 17th, and my doctor said she would sweep my membranes to try to get things moving. It was painless for me, which was great! I had a few contractions after that and throughout the evening, but they were inconsistent. My mom had come into town, as she had planned, and we had a nice time together. It was good for her to follow Joshua's regular schedule with me, as she would be caring for him when we left for the hospital.

I awoke at about 5:30 the following morning to real contractions. Time-able. Had to breathe through them. I woke Brad and had him pass me his phone so I could download and use a contraction timer app. As I breathed through the pain, the first words that came to mind were these from Isaiah 41:10: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Over and over. I focused on those words of truth and felt peace settle over me through the pain. God is my strength. He is my help. He holds me. Do not fear.

I timed for about an hour before I realized that the contractions were already between three and five minutes apart - time to get to the hospital! 

Meanwhile, Joshie and Nana had already gotten up and started breakfast. The smell of coffee was familiar and comforting, reminding me of my childhood. I don't drink coffee, but it was calming. So good to have my mom here.

I dressed myself between contractions and got downstairs to the armchair to wait for the on-call doctor to return my call and to tell me to come to the hospital. I waited and breathed and centered myself on the scripture. Joshua looked over at me from the breakfast table and wondered if Mommy was okay. Mommy's belly hurts, I said. But everything is okay. The baby will come out today, and the doctor will help. Mommy and Daddy will go to the doctor, and baby sister will come out.

The ride to the hospital was a mere 20 minutes, but felt so long with contractions every three minutes or so. And oh, was it cold! But it was a clear, sunny day, with passable roads. Just what I had prayed for. And I remained peaceful.

The triage experience was less than fun. They require a urine sample as soon as I set foot in the door. That was difficult to manage during my frequent contractions! Then the belly monitors were put on me for a fetal non-stress test and to time my contractions. As I waited for that, they also tried to insert an IV. And failed. It took three attempts and two different locations and two different nurses to get my IV started! So frustrating. It became difficult to focus and center myself with the bright lights, people talking to me through contractions, and the extra pain from the needle pricks. And I was already at 4.5cm dilated - all on my own, with no drugs. I felt proud of that, but was already beginning to feel less than strong. It was probably about 45 minutes there in triage before we were taken to a birthing/recovery room and I was given a steroid to take the edge off my pain.

Since things were seeming to progress quickly, my epidural was started by about 8:30am. Instant relief. The anesthesiologist who gave the epidural was calming, confident, and quick. I felt so much better and slept a bit. I was able to read a book and text and laugh - and didn't feel a single contraction - until the insertion point got bumped and started to come out. I ended up needing a second epidural.

My water did not break for hours and hours; the baby was sitting so high, and hadn't descended into my pelvis to cause the water to break. The doctors didn't want to rupture it for me, as it could've caused the umbilical cord to get stuck in the birth canal and cause a dangerous situation for the baby. So we waited. And waited. The nurses were wonderful about helping me.

I was fully dilated by early afternoon, but was not allowed to push because of the baby's position. I was getting frustrated and tired, and felt emotional. I asked to sit upright, and had my feet lowered. A couple hours later, my water finally broke on its own, and things began to move quickly.

By 8pm, it was time. Nurses brought in the delivery items, spread out instruments on the tables, and laid out smocks for the doctor and nurse practitioner. The baby's isolette was brought in, as was the scale and other items to clean her up when she was born.

At 8:15pm, I began to push. Not more than eight pushes and four contractions later, little Mara Grace was born at 8:31pm! The cord was around her neck, so it had to be cut early. I'm glad for the doctor's quick attention to her and to keeping me safe, too. I didn't tear at all, and didn't have to have any stitches this time. So thankful.

Mara was whisked to the table and dried vigorously, and then she began to cry. What a strong cry! She was adamant about wanting to nurse. She weighed in at 7lbs, 12oz, and was 20.5" long. As soon as she was ready, I started to nurse her. And she nursed for an hour and a half! Poor Daddy didn't get to hold her for that long. He made many phone calls, though, and was elated when he finally got to hold his little princess.

 

thrifting

Yet again! This is how I roll. Welcoming the new year, looking for deals, and thrifting. I have to bring my boy up right, you know? He got a little birthday money from his great grandpa, and so we went off to the thrift store.

When I go to the thrift stores, it's super dangerous (read: expensive) for me if I don't have a goal in mind, a specific item or two that I'm looking for. Sometimes it's jeans for Brad, a fresh new skirt for me, a certain size picture frame, or some clothes for this toddler that grows so quickly.

This time around, I figured I better start the size 3T stash of clothes for Joshie. My slim little guy needs adjustable waist pants, so that was on the top of the list. I figured that "Great Grandpa Ed" would probably want him to have some sort of toy, too.

Toddler shopping strategy is to ask for what you want immediately before or immediately upon entering the store. This time, it was a football. No football in sight, but a basketball sufficed. On to the toy section so that he could hold and play with whatever toy we were going to end up going home with.

Joshie spotted the vacuums. He wanted them.

And then the Little Tikes construction vehicles. The big, bulky, hard-to-hold kind. And he wanted that instead.

And then the vacuum again.

Then a transformer.

And then?

I saw two Little Tikes cozy coupe cars. They retail for between $45 and $55 new. And both were marked $4.99. Oh, okay, then. So out of the cart went the Josh, and into a car, and around the store. We parked one up front so that we could reserve it as ours.

Meanwhile, there was a $0.99 construction helmet that he fell in love with. Fine by me. I managed to find him a pair of almost-new Children's Place jeans, like these, for $3.99. Then a set of Carter's cotton pajamas, like these, for $2.99. And the icing on the cake? A J. Crew half-zip rugby-style heavyweight pullover, not quite a sweatshirt, but a thick tee with a cute little leather pull on the metal zipper...for $0.99. Hooray!

Then we were back to the toys again for another diversion so that I could continue to shop. I spotted a set of five wooden puzzles, marked $4.99, and added that to our pile. Heading toward the checkout, I saw a poor, lonely Nalgene,  for just $1.99.

And then I remembered that I had a coupon for $3 off a purchase of $10 or more. Woohoo!

So our entire pile:

Cozy Coupe Car - $4.99 (retails between $45 and $55)
Construction Hat - $0.99 (similar $5)
Carter's pajamas - $2.99 ($15 on sale right now, regularly $20)
Children's Place jeans - $3.99 ($10 on sale right now, regularly $16.50)
Crewcuts pullover - $0.99!! (similar $40)
Cute wooden puzzles - $4.99 (original price tag $23.95)
Nalgene water bottle - $1.99 ($9)

Minus the $3 coupon...

Just $20.17. Full price would have been $159.45. I paid about 13% of the full price value of these items.

Feeling very blessed!

Two

Joshua is two!

It's unbelievable, really. My tiny baby is now a 35.5" tall, 25lb, talking and toilet trained toddler. What?!

The morning of his birthday, he had birthday pancakes. We sang the "Happy Birthday" song to him, and he got to blow out candles for the first time! He has been saying "Happy birthday Joshua, I blow fire," ever since. Too cute! 

Later in the morning on his birthday, some of our neighborhood friends stopped by with a gift for Joshua: a new dump truck! They also stayed and played for a little while, and enjoyed reading a book together with "Grandma Sue."

On Saturday, Nana and Grandpa were here all day! There was much playing, reading, jumping, and even a trip to Trader Joe's and Five Guys for lunch. 

He loves tractors and construction vehicles lately, so his party had to be full of tractors. I made cupcakes and a pan of brownies to stand in for a cake. Yes, I did buy the wrong boxed mix at the store. Hazard of shopping with said toddler.

"Digger" tractors like backhoes are his favorite, so I mixed up some yellow frosting and piped that onto the brownies. I crumbled some Wegman's brand "oreo" cookies into the front loader to stand in for rocks and dirt. Dirt was one of Joshie's clearest first words. A sign, perhaps?

Joshua again enjoyed having people sing to him, and the opportunity to "blow fire" with Daddy.

 

 
Joshie was excited about the paint he got from Brad and me, and asked to paint right away. That was a no-go, but he did get to play with the set of construction vehicles that Aunt Elizabeth sent! He didn't let go of the "digger" tractor for about four days straight, even taking it to bed and naps with him.

We had Joshua's good friend, Jo (and his parents and sister, of course), over for the party, and all of Joshua's grandparents were all able to be there this year. Much fun was had by all!

please note that Joshua and the tractors are inseparable

Still can't believe we've been parents for two years, and that our second sweet blessing is coming so soon!

654

6:54pm is one of my very favorite times of day. I'm usually snuggling my sweet little boy, smelling his clean, wet hair, and giving him gentle kisses as I repeat these words to him: God is always with you. I quote Joshua 1:9 and Hebrews 13:5b-6 to him, and hope he internalizes it. We rock. I pat his back. Sometimes he lifts his head from my shoulder and gives me little baby boy kisses. He is precious.

By that time, we have already prayed and thanked God for all the important things in his day. At the forefront these days are friends, dirt, and tractors. And ROCKS! and Daddy. And Daddy's guitar, mandolin, and bass. And any other relatives he can remember to list. I have sung him a bedtime hymn, and he has had a wonderfully fun bathtime.

Most of the stress has begun to melt by 6:54. I remember how much I love my son, how thankful I am to be his mommy, and how blessed we are. I feel tired, and sometimes I still have yet to cry the tears I held back all day. There's still dinner to make for when my husband gets home, and I have just a few minutes to tidy the house and do something for me. Like blogging. Or reading a magazine. Or eating a chocolate chip cookie without sharing.

But 6:54? That's a moment of peace. A moment of all-is-well. An embodiment of my love for my family and for the God who allowed it to be like this, today. And yesterday. And so many bed times before.

little things

Cultivating a spirit of gratefulness:

1. Zestar apples. So delicious. I love the tastes of fall in this area of the country.
2. A sunny, highs in the 70's day to play outside with my little boy
3. The delight on said little boy's face when he realized the tractors were outside our house (they're fixing the city gas lines)
4. Having a few neighborhood boys my son's age that enjoy playing and sharing with him, and their sweet grandmother who is so generous and kind to me
5. The rhythmic, soothing normal-ness of knitting
6. Snuggling with my husband
7. A cozy meal in the oven
8. Feeling my active baby girl kick me and make my belly bounce
9. Friends who love the "me" I already am
10. The promise of a visit from family this weekend.

What are you thankful for?

our life right now

Our life is changing, along with the seasons. Joshua can say more words clearly, my belly grows larger, and my husband continues to excel at his job, too. We found, or rather, a car fell into our laps, and we were able to purchase it. We somehow, suddenly, have a second vehicle, a second car seat, and I can take Joshua out for the day. The little guy started showing an interest in toilet training, so he's doing that, too. And to top it all off? Our little tiny baby is not a second son, but a daughter. A girl!

Talk about a change! Bring on the glitter, flowers, frills, tea parties, and dollies. This momma is so excited.

And I am embracing every solo moment with my sweet, kind little boy. Exploring outside, learning about dirt, rocks, and tractors, playing with his little friends. Even when he has an accident on the floor or an untimely tantrum. No, those are not fun moments, but they pass so quickly. And he needs me to be invested in him, not in what he does. I am trying. I wake each day and pray for strength and wisdom to meet the challenges of the day. This song comes to mind, and sometimes I sing it to Joshie at bedtime for his lullaby:

Day by day, and with each passing moment, 
Strength I find to meet my trials here.
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,
I've no cause for worry or for fear.

He whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best.
Lovingly, it's part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day, the Lord himself is near me,
With a special mercy for each hour.
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He whose name is Counselor and Power.

The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on himself He laid.
As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure -
This the pledge to me He made.

Help me, then, in every tribulation,
So to trust thy promises, O Lord.
That I lose not faith's sweet consolation
Offered me within thy holy word.

Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take, as from a Father's hand.
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
'Till I reach the promised land.

little things: a long time coming

The last time I published was in May. There are many excuses. But here I am, anyway, with good news!

There will be another little one added to our family in mid-January! We got to see our tiny baby just last week via ultrasound, and six weeks earlier saw his or her strong, beating heart. What a blessing and an answer to our prayers. God is good to us!

The baby will be about 25 months younger than Joshua, which I think sounds just about perfect. They'll get to grow up together, play together, and have each other to lean on as they go through life.

I'm praying for strength, peace, and grace to be a good mommy to the two little blessings that we've been given!

I do think I could now do a list of the little things, don't you? 

1. Our tiny baby with wiggly hands and feet, and a strong heartbeat
2. My Joshua giving me kisses and picking flowers for me when we're outside
3. Having the opportunity this past June to teach at summer music school again
4. Being able to be there for a friend as she adjusts to her newest little one
5. Sharing maternity clothes with friends
6. Already being past the nausea and food aversions, and feeling more energetic
7. The blessing of peace in place of my fear for this pregnancy
8. The conversations Brad and I have already had about possible names for our littlest
9. Quiet evenings and nights of unbroken sleep, thanks to a certain newly sleeping-through-the-night toddler
10. Being blessed in so many ways because God is good. He is holy, sovereign, and in control. That he has his glory and his purpose in mind, even in the most difficult of times. That he hears our hearts' cries and holds us in every moment.

I may someday share about the depth of pain and struggle that we've been through, but for now, it's enough to know that God is faithful, that he is present, and that we are held in his hands no matter the circumstance.

I am so thankful!

Like play-doh

It's said that the sense of smell is one of our greatest memory triggers. I remember Nanny when I smell her laundry detergent on a vintage sheet that has been tucked away for years. Lavender hand soap reminds me of the first time I visited Brad's parents' home as his brand-new girlfriend. I hear the laughs of my dorm-mates when I encounter the same scent that lingered in those halls. Crackling wood fires bring to mind memories of childhood campfires in the woods behind my parents' home, and cookouts at the church in the fall. Even the smell of dead flies (ha!) reminds me of the fly-strewn practice room that houses my favorite piano at college.

Touch and texture remind me of things, too. Play-doh, that smooth to crumbly feeling that smells just like...play-doh? You know! And the plastic tub. The dough that's molded over and over and shaped and stretched and cut and extruded and smooshed back into the container with three different colors mixed in for another day. (Happy run-on sentence to you. You're welcome.)

Lately, I feel like play-doh. Familiar, soft, playful. Sometimes a little crumbly. Not perfect. Molded again and again and definitely not what I used to be. Still good, but not what I used to be. And my heart is so much softer than the first day I let God use me, the first time I let him have control of my life.

Life is full of beautiful blessings. Days that turn out perfectly, a loving family, a comfortable home, a beautiful, boisterous baby boy. But there is so much pain, too. I can't share all my pain here, yet, maybe never, but know that if you're hurting, I will cry with you.

There is a family in Buffalo, NY whose preschooler, Ben, has been diagnosed with a tumor, a cancer that has given him mere weeks to live. Ben is a twin. And the middle child in a perfect little family. They love God. They believe, they trust. But the end of Ben's life appears to be imminent. I know that God can redeem this situation somehow, but it seems that there will be tears. And mourning. And grief. And many whys with no answers that satisfy. His mother keeps saying "but God." But God could intervene.

He has, and He will. God is sovereign. He gives generously, and takes away. We may never know why on this side of eternity, but we can trust Him because He loves us.

Even so, I'm crying for little Ben and his family tonight. I'm crying because my heart resonates with the pain of loss, and of aching for ones I've loved. Because I know the peace that passes understanding, and his name is Jesus. He is the only hope for our hurting souls, and the only answer to the death, destruction, and pain in this world. He is the only one, who by his own strength overcame the grave, and who gives us a future and a hope in heaven. He has made the way for us to become children of God, and to live with Him through eternity.

I'm taking comfort in that tonight. Even though I feel like I'm crumbling. Bits of me smashed up with other bits that I didn't think belonged. But I'll be rolled out and shaped and formed each day of my life and one day, become exactly what my Father planned for me all along. The pain, the sorrow, the joys, the blessings, the longings, the dreams fulfilled - they will all be worth it. They will come together as part of His glorious plan and I will be perfectly content, rejoicing in Him.

Come, Lord Jesus, come!

little things

Little, tiny fingers, curling up and reaching toward me, just begging for tickles - love this.
The sweet birdie foot prints in the freshly fallen snow around the porch
A kiss from my sweet little boy
A warm house where we make our home
Cookies from my mom
Internet radio on my phone
Giggles from that ticklish toddler boy
Pretty love-themed decorations packed away for next February
March/Easter - themed decorations ready to be lovingly placed
Reminders of how much I am loved - handwritten notes, calls, thoughtful gestures

There is so much to be thankful for! Why is it so easy to miss this in the long, long days, while we count down the hours to bedtime and wonder what we might try to accomplish while the little one plays?

Trying to be conscious of the many blessings, and to be thankful. And to teach my son to do the same.

little things

It was a long, silent January, wasn't it? We experienced some of the coldest, snowiest days I've ever seen, and spent many cozy times cuddled up over "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" and piles of colorful blocks, not to mention stepping over piles of kitchen "toys" - pots, pans, recycling, spoons, canned goods...

So to begin February on a thankful note, here we go!

1. Warm, cozy days with my sweet little boy, who is growing and changing and learning so much each day
2. Cuddling on the couch with Brad after the sweet little boy is asleep in bed
3. Enough food, enough blankets, enough. We have everything we need, and so much more.
4. Putting away the last of the Christmas decorations, and looking forward to next year's decorating. Now that I know all the best places to put things out of Joshie's reach, I can better prepare for next time!
5. Visits with family and dear friends
6. The privilege of attending a truth-speaking church
7. Beautiful, bountiful, blessed snow. Sparkly, shimmery, swiftly blowing snow. Wind-blown dunes of crisp, crunchy, sand-like snow. Icy puddles that preserve fallen leaves, sticks, berries, pine cones.
8. The sound of birdsong today! Don't they know it's still winter here for another four months or so? God meets all their needs too, of course.
9. The blessing of many toys for my son, who insists he must climb on top of them all.
10. Safety for our family and friends, and the blessing of a Savior who knows us better than we know ourselves.

Joshua's first birthday

Whew, a year has come and gone! Joshua is ONE!

I started party planning back in August, I think, with this Pinterest board. I hope you can see that...let me know if you have trouble with the link.

First, a theme: rockets! How fun for a little guy, right? I thought so. And hey, I get to pick, since he's not telling me what he wants just yet ;)

I figured I'd make a rocket cake, stick with red and blue as theme colors, and maybe go with some galactic symbols here and there: stars, planets, aliens? Big brainstorm time.

In my planning, I also wrote a poem for his birthday invitation, which looked like this, thanks to some conveniently free clip art included in Publisher:

 Ta-da! Now we're rolling.
So, now for some pictures of the day.

 We gave Joshua his first-ever balloons to play with. Closely supervised, of course.

 I made star-shaped sugar cookie cutouts for the take-home gift for our guests.

The rocket cake was made out of a 9"x11" sheet cake (funfetti, of course). I trimmed the cake into the body of the rocket, and then used the scraps to form the wings on the sides of the rocket. The jets were yellow cake cupcakes in foil cups, frosted with red and orange frosting to look fiery.  I used a regular vanilla buttercream recipe for the frosting, tinting it with Wilton's gel paste food coloring as needed. Please note that it matches the rocket on the invitation; I was so happy with how it turned out!

 The rest of the yellow cake cupcakes, one of which was reserved for the birthday boy, were frosted in the same white vanilla buttercream, and sprinkled with blue sugar. Those are Hershey's kisses in the background, and one of our blue table runners from our wedding reception underneath.

 Joshua holds onto a willing hand to walk around the house and visit guests. So sweet. Also, he was pretty much permanently attached to that balloon.

 First cake ever. Clearly, a big hit.

 I kept the menu simple, with fresh fruit (thank you, Grandma Burr), a little veggie tray, crackers and cheese, and the desserts, of course. In the corner of the photo, you can see my star banner that I made! I wish I had a better photo of that, but forgot to take a good picture. We also decorated with pictures of Joshua from each month of his life, hung on a white cotton string with clothespins. There was also a banner of blue and silvery-blue triangles that we used at my baby shower for Joshua just over a year ago.

 Yes. The cake was satisfactory.

 A worn out birthday boy and two happy parents, celebrating one whole year! Also, more of that star banner I mentioned.

Happy birthday, big guy! We love you so much.

firsts

Our first year as parents is almost over! Our sweet little guy will be one year old in just a few days, and it's so hard to believe. We have so much to be thankful for. Mercy upon mercy. Grace upon grace. So many blessings, achings, joys, sorrows, exhilarations, fears.

Joshua's first Thanksgiving was a cozy family gathering with his paternal grandparents. I completely forgot to take any pictures, and the camera stayed in the car the whole time! I'm pretty disappointed about that. We enjoyed a warm, play-filled couple of days by the fireplace, with snow falling outside and delicious dinners inside. There was a trip to a local tree nursery to see their decorated Christmas trees, and a brisk excursion to a small-town parade with Santa at the end. There were lots of stories and jokes told, a few rounds of Skip-Bo, and quite a few sweets.

We are blessed. Home, family, friends, safety, health, warmth, love.

Remembering the little things, and thanking the beyond-comprehension God who orchestrates it all and loves us more than we could possibly imagine.

Goodness and grace

More times than I can count, Brad and I have come to the end of our ability and the bottom of our savings and have found blessings instead.

Each other.

A home.

Food on the table.

Our loving family and friends.

Our church.

The clothing on our backs.

And so much more.


This time, we also found freedom from our medical debts and a large financial gift from our church family, who knew how hard it had become for us to make ends meet.

I hesitated to write about this, because I felt a little guilty enjoying these undeserved, unearned blessings! This post reminded me that God delights in giving good gifts to His children, and that it's alright, it's encouraged, that we enjoy them!

So with a thankful, beyond grateful, joyful heart, I ask you to celebrate with me, friends!

One of our small group leaders approached us a couple weeks ago with a financial gift from our church. A large gift. Because they knew how hard it was for us to make ends meet lately. The size that will allow us to replace the broken windshield on our car, put food on our table, buy a few gifts for our family, fill an Operation Christmas Child box, and put something in our savings account. We are so grateful and floored with the generosity of our church family to us.

I recently humbled myself and applied for charity care for our medical bills. Paying pennies on thousands owed each month was squeezing our already tight budget, and I found myself deciding between a $2 box of cereal and a box of Kleenex. Deciding whether or not to buy cheese, or a bag of apples. Telling myself that I could make sandwich bread instead of buying a $1.50 loaf. Feeding our child from our plates instead of buying pureed and pouch-packaged baby food. Cutting every corner I thriftily could.

And then, all four of our medical bills were either reduced or forgiven, and we were able to pay the remaining balance this month.

Hallelujah!

So, we bought some meat for our freezer. Fresh veggies and fruits for the fridge. Sandwich bread and Kleenex. (Because the baby has a cold, and the hubby needs sandwiches when he packs his lunch for work). We feel abundantly blessed, and look forward to this new freedom to bless others. And to save! And to share our joy with you.

Living through accidents

Note: The blog entry below was written before I began writing this blog, and was once posted on Facebook.  Brad and I have been through so many car-related troubles, and this is just one way that God has chosen to bless us through awful circumstances. Please note that this took place while Brad was in grad school, and I had recently begun a position as a secretary at a realty company. Money was tight, though the recession had not hit us hard just yet. It was barely 2009, just six months into our marriage.
 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the living to tell about it part, I am incredibly thankful.

So, last week, Brad got rear-ended when he was driving my cute little black Nissan. (You can read more about that car's destiny here. And about how God blessed us through it, here.) Minor, just needed to be taken to a repair shop to get an estimate. Insurance will cover it. No big deal.

On Friday, as in the 30th of January, Brad came down to my office to pick up my car and take it to the dealership to get an estimate. he was driving our new red Chevy (2001 Cavalier), and left it in the parking lot for me while he took my car to get the estimate. the dealership evidently doesn't do that kind of estimate at the location Brad went to, so Brad called me for directions to the other dealership. easy, since I have a computer in front of me all day.

About 15 minutes later, he called, lost, needing help to find the dealership. he had just gone too far, and needed to turn around. (which he did while talking to me on the phone...) as he was pulling his u-turn on a relatively quiet country road, he just didn't look to see the semi coming down the road, and pulled out - an absolutely terrifying experience of glass breaking, metal crunching, and then silence on my end.

I was shocked, and so grateful to hear his voice when he called back 5 minutes later to tell me that he was okay, he had been hit, the car was wrecked, and he had called 911. He was sobbing - way more than disconcerting!

I hopped in the car with my manager, and she drove me all the way to where he was. On the way, I called my pastor (who started praying immediately and put us on the prayer chain), my parents, and the other branch of the office where I worked to let them know what was going on.

When I got there, he seemed okay.I  am so grateful for his life.

So grateful. I can't even explain how thankful I am for him. (tears - just a second - I'll be back.)

I'm back. Evidently the damage is fixable (post script: it was fixable, and the insurance money provided groceries for us for a few months. Just one way God chose to bless us through pain). We shall see. at this point, I'm thankful for insurance.

There are so many reasons for me to live a grateful life, and this is hopefully the only attention-arresting moment we'll ever have to endure. It has been a tough two months - with Brad's Saturn dying, having to buy another car, getting rear-ended, and now this. We're not sure how we'll make it, but we know that God will provide for all our needs. He has kept us safe, and we are incredibly thankful to Him - for life, for each other, for safety, and for our family and friends. We love you!

someday

We're all waiting for it.

Someday.

Someday, I'll finish that degree. Someday, my child will sleep through the night. Someday, I'll have that job I've always wanted. Someday, we'll own the perfect house in the best part of town, near the grandparents, and close to our best friends. Someday, I'll be content with my body. Someday, we will go to the grocery store without worrying about whether or not we can have both yogurt and orange juice in the same week. Someday, I'll have a coordinating living room that's all my style. Someday, I'll have clothes that fit and are in style. Someday, we'll have time to go on weekly dates. Someday, we'll have enough. Someday. Someday. Someday.

How about contentment? How about being grateful for thisday? How about a heart full of thankfulness for the balmy weather, the clothes on my back, and the home that shelters my family? How about a joyful, peaceful spirit that rejoices in the blessings we've been given, and hands that give generously even when there is not much to give?

It's not just about contentment, though - it's about longing for what really satisfies our souls, for real peace, for true joy. It's about Jesus. And he said he's coming back for us Someday - to establish his heavenly kingdom, to spend eternity with those who have accepted his gift of forgiveness and eternal life. That's what all our hearts are looking for. He is the missing piece, the only way we can be truly satisfied, the only way we can have a truly fulfilling life. Knowing Him is the key to contentment. Without Jesus, everything else truly is meaningless, as ancient King Solomon discovered. With Jesus, we can take joy in the blessings we have here on earth. We can be truly thankful for what is given, and agree with Him that it is, in fact, enough, because He is enough.

enough

There's a story going around Facebook about a mother and daughter who wish each other "enough" as they part ways at an airport. Sentimental and sweet.

But enough is sometimes difficult. We're satisfied, but still wish for more. Two pieces of pizza, a full glass of milk. Enough, but I still eat a third piece? And then have dessert, too? Clean clothes that fit well, warm jackets and comfortable shoes, and yet I want a new dress and buy a scarf just because it's five dollars and so cute and I really like it so I must have it?

Enough sometimes means only enough. Enough pennies to cover the bills, but nothing more. Enough gas to get to and from work and church, but not a trip to a friend's lake cottage. Enough for basic groceries, but not for a package of Wegman's O's or pre-made guacamole. Where is the thankful part of me when I feel sad about having just enough? When our bills are paid, we have each other, enough food and clothing and a beautiful little home? When our Savior sacrificed his earthly life so that we could have the abounding grace of God and the presence of the Holy Spirit? What more do I need?

A new paint color, matching rugs, that dress, a new e-reader and iPod for my husband, new toys for the baby, a new car, another car, another job, more this, less that, more, more, more.

Contentedness is the part of enough that's most difficult. Can I choose to be satisfied with enough food, well-fitting clothes, having a car at all, a wonderful husband, an adorable son, good friends, and a home? Not on my own, I can't. Nothing but the strength and grace of God can make me any better than I am. He is the only good in me, and He is Enough.

beep beep: on impatience

Our Jeep is a blessing.

(This hydrangea growing in my backyard is a blessing, too.)

You might laugh at that, but it is. And this is what I was chanting to myself last Saturday as I buckled Joshua into his carseat and started up the car for a grocery run on that rainy summer morning.

I buckled my seat belt and then realized that the seat was wet. Really wet. And then I gripped the steering wheel - also wet. The rain was leaking into the car, pooling in the upholstered ceiling, and dripping from the driver's side shade right onto my leg. Frustrated, I grabbed the only thing I could reach while still buckled - the picnic blanket I've kept in the car this summer - and tried to deal. Then I realized that my toes, too, were being dripped upon. What a day for flip flops, right?

Then I began to feel bad for myself. "Why do I have a ten-year-old leaky Jeep? Why can't I have a nice new car that's comfortable?" But I was stopped in my tracks as God quickly reminded me that, A. I don't deserve any of the blessings he's given (among them food, clothes, a home, shelter, a family), let alone this car, B. I'm on my way to buy groceries, for which we have just enough money, and C. This car is dependable. Not to mention, D. This car was a GIFT to us.

When we couldn't buy a second car, and had just totaled our only vehicle, friends of ours just gave us their extra vehicle. Free. Gratis. No strings attached. That was how the Jeep came to be ours. We paid for its new salvage title in NY state (it was once in a rollover accident, and the frame has never been quite true since. Hence, the leaking and the doors and windshield not fitting quite perfectly), put on the new plates, and it was ours. A blessing. An unanticipated, undeserved blessing.

And yet, I'm still impatient. And ungrateful. The knee-jerk reaction when I'm frustrated. Beep beep!! You've inconvenienced me. Still catching myself thinking about that elusive day when we might have two cars again, when they might be newer than ten years old, when they won't be gas-guzzling, 18mpg vehicles. When we can buy new furniture. When we can upgrade....

And it's not wrong to dream, but it's wrong to dwell on what we wish we could have, when we have so many things we can be thankful for now. I need to cultivate gratitude and thankfulness, a peaceful spirit, and a gentle, generous heart. I need to be willing to give of what I have - materially and emotionally - to others. I need to stop holding on with such clenched little fists to these temporal things that really don't matter anyway.

Whew. It's hard, isn't it?

I'm thankful for:

1. Peace in my home
2. A loving husband
3. My sweet little boy
4. My cat
5. Our very own laundry machines in our very own house
6. Enough food to eat
7. Those cute sparrows we saw on the walk today, and the tiny orange flowers in someone's grass
8. My pink Nalgene full of clean, filtered, fresh water
9. Our church
10. That blessed blue Jeep Liberty.

lately

Lately, my days have been settling into a semblance of normal. We have a bit of a rhythm going, and it's like this:

Wake to a delightful little one's smiles promptly at 6:45. Or 6. Or 5. Or 8am, on that blessed day called Monday (thank you, Lord).

Change the little guy into daytime clothes and plunk him in the pack and play while I feed the cat, empty the dehumidifier, and make breakfast and Brad's lunch.

After we eat breakfast, Brad heads off to work, and Joshie has a nap while I have a shower. At least, the shower part is a goal! The nap is usually only about 30-45 minutes long. Sometimes Joshua refuses to sleep and we just wait it out until nap #2, at about 11 or 11:30.

Morning play time sometimes means we head outside, or that I put Josh in the Ergo carrier on my back while I throw a load of laundry in. Sometimes it means all I can handle is turning on something classical on Youtube while the baby plays with blocks on the floor and pulls the cat's tail. And fur. And whiskers. And ears. Oscar is such a tolerant, lovey cat.

The midday nap is often the "long" nap. Long for this baby means about 1.5 hours, usually interrupted halfway through. He likes to know I'm still there...I think! The long nap means I get to rest, myself, and enjoy some quiet lunch time.

Afternoons consist of more play time for Joshua, which means I'm often holding his little hands to help him walk, carrying him all over (hefty 20lb load, mind you), and keeping him from crawling over to electrical cords and teething on Daddy's shoes. Sometimes I'm able to fit in some crunches on the floor while he's playing, or I can pay a couple bills online, or write part of an email. Sometimes I'm able to snap some pictures of him and continue to slowly learn about shooting in manual mode.

Sometimes the baby will nap at about 4, especially if the midday nap was short. This is also a short nap, since he goes to bed at 6:45 or 7. Having him asleep by 7:30 is the hard-and-fast bedtime, but he's often tired enough to be asleep by 6:45.

Then, I blog. If I have the energy. And sometimes, a blog post (like this one) takes days to complete.

But I need to do this. I need to have time where I do something normal and fulfilling for me. More than just taking a shower, but taking time to be creative, to decorate, to write, to think, to read. Introverted, expressive, thought-filled me needs this.

Whew.

And then I catch what sleep I can during the wakeful night. And count my many blessings. This, my friends, is my "schedule."

Five minute Friday: small

Small.

Like the sparrow we saw on our stroller ride/walk today, Joshua.

Like your little fingers, and my slender, big person fingers helping you to walk.

I know how it feels to be small, my son, and sometimes, it's really hard. You feel frustrated because you can't do the things you wish you could. You cry because what you want is out of reach. You cry because you can't communicate what you're feeling.

And your voice - even your little whimpers wake me from sleep, my boy. Even though you're in your own room and in your crib, the monitor on the lowest setting, I still hear you. But God heard you long before you even cried for help. He will always answer. He won't grumble as he comes to rescue you, as your mommy sometimes does. He will help you in ways I can't. I am small. Our God is "so big, so strong and so mighty; there's nothing our God cannot do."

Small, like how I feel when other people my age talk about their accomplishments in their careers. When people my age have their doctorate degrees finished and a college teaching career begun.  When we bought a small (beautiful! full of history! Just right for us!) house and theirs is huge and new and suburban and full of "wow" factor.

But not forgotten. We are small, son, but we have everything we need. The little things matter, and God sees. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me.

garage sale scores

The other day, we passed a garage sale on the way home. We didn't stop, but I kept it in mind. Later that evening, the baby needed to get outside for a walk - well, I needed to get outside for a walk, so the baby had to come! And we just happened to walk right to that garage sale. Happy.

I got a brand-new, complete with tag, no scratches or any sign of use, pink Nalgene bottle, like this one (retails for $10.99).

I also got a sealed tin of Harney & Sons peppermint herbal tea  (retails for $5.99).

I dug through a box of baby clothes labeled $0.50 an item (woot!) and got a matching set of microfleece pants and a half-zip pullover in solid navy blue for Joshua to wear this fall and winter (full price is $34, on sale for about $19).

And now, I'm sure you're wanting to know how much I paid for this haul (about $51, full price), and I'll tell you.

Two. Dollars.


Yes!

A blessing :)

Anyone want to come over for tea?