refresher course

whoa. day one of teaching summer music school was today, and it was full! I was up the earliest I have been since choir tour.

One thing (kinda icky) that happens when I'm slightly nervous, but mostly when I'm teaching, is that I sweat. I actually purchased clinical strength Secret for my first year of teaching, and I needed it for the first few months. I eased up psychologically after that, and didn't really have as much need for it. The stick has been in my gym bag for a long time now... but it needs to come with me to school tomorrow. I feel more stressed with 20 middle schoolers in my classroom than I do with eighty senior high students.

I think one of the hardest things for me is the unexpected. I have trouble letting go of what I've planned or expected. Today was no different! I had been assigned four periods of classes - two sections of show choir, one of beginning voice, and one of musical theater vocal coaching. All of the classes were supposed to be small, with no more than 14 students per class. So why do I have 20 kids in my first class??? This does not work for my plan. I have to re-think and try again tomorrow with a new approach. Another surprise is that I have my show choir for two periods straight - same kids - for eighty minutes. I haven't ever seen a class that long outside of college... hoping I can manage it well enough so that they won't get bored and tired.

On to planning...

back in the saddle again

I'm studying! It's so strange to be doing this again - actually opening my Music History book and trying to remember a list of terms that's many pages and centuries long. However, I'm enjoying the cup of jasmine green tea and bowl of fruit loops next to me, and the very furry Oscar Cat at my feet. It's nice to have my own desk, to have my laptop set up with wireless internet, and to be in a space that feels like my own. I haven't had my own study/work space for about two years, now, and this is great!

On another note, it's hard to have the confidence I once did about these subjects. I know I've forgotten so much of this, though it's coming back. My husband will be helping me to study...

Onward.

taking a few little steps

i started my job at our church on Tuesday afternoon. i was immediately inundated with a (rather loud) tutorial for one of the programs, graciously given by the youth director (who took an hour of his time to help me). the hours since were a flurry of new passwords, learning how to use both a planning website and a powerpoint-like presentation program for creating song slide shows. part of my challenge was to transfer over the main name on the accounts to my name, as i am now the administrator for them. this took some round-about work, but it's all worked out now. one headache, six hours, and many emails and tutorials later. did i tell you? it's a worship and music coordinator position. 10 hours/week, paid (pretty well, actually). i'm really happy to be serving in this way, and to be administrating music. it seems like the skills i learned in realty are paying off a bit, which is gratifying. it's so nice to also be able to use my music knowledge!

i have also been hired to accompany for some concerts at an area elementary school, and i am officially on the active sub list for the district. i have one piano/clarinet student, and i may get some more students in a bit. i've put out my business cards and contacted the music teachers at the area schools - who knows? maybe i'll have a full studio by the end of the year.

Oscar, my kitten, is growing like crazy. When we first got him, his collar was about two inches too big, even on the smallest hole. Now he's wearing it on the smallest hole....cute.

it has been a difficult beginning to the school year - my husband is so very busy, and we hardly ever see each other. it's heartbreaking. i really never thought he would have to work and do school at the same time, and it's really draining for him. my job alone isn't enough to cover our expenses, and neither is his job. i know that God will get us through, and i'm trying to trust.

"home," but not.

home is wherever i am that my husband is with me. he is my "home," and when i'm with him, i feel most at rest, safe, completely loved, and confident. right now i'm at my parents' home, and he is miles away at our little apartment. i'm teaching at a summer music school for a week (just a week!), and i miss him so much.
it feels empty to lay down at night without him. i miss his hand holding mine at the breakfast table. i miss driving to work together. i miss the hugs, the cuddles, and the kisses. i miss him.
does that seem a little dramatic? it doesn't help that this is an emotional time for me, anyway, what with losing a job, dealing with less income, and being female.
i love my family and i'm happy to be with them. it just doesn't seem right without my husband here. he's so much a part of me!
i'm even finding it hard to be motivated to do the lesson plans i have to do before tomorrow's classes. but i will.
i'm praying for the Lord's help to let go and to trust him. why must this be a constant struggle? all i want is the peace, joy, and strength to do well at whatever he sets before me.