A children's song

I sing to my son all day long. Sometimes they're songs I know from my childhood, sometimes hymns, sometimes songs I make up. We listen to so much music. Classical plays in his bedroom. Anything on Daddy's iPod in the living room. Pandora everywhere else. I like to think that he's constantly in his own personal music education classroom.

That said, some of these songs I learned in my childhood have lyrics that I'm not sure I want my son to internalize.

One little, two little, three little...Indians? Um... I replace that with "children" or something similar, but it doesn't quite work at the end of the song. Sing it through. You'll know what I mean. "Ten little happy boys" might work as the last line.

Anyway, the song that stands out in my mind is a classic - "Jesus Loves the Little Children."All the children of the world. So far, so good. It's the third line that bugs me. "Red and yellow, black and white" just doesn't work anymore, if it ever did. People take offense to being labeled with a color. Besides, I'm not white. My skin is light peach. Or tan. With freckles. And blue veins and red-flushed cheeks.

So I changed the words. Here's the original if you want to reference it. The first verse here is not entirely mine - I'm pretty sure it shows up in the blue Covenant Hymnal, but Hymnary doesn't have that information. However, I did make up a second verse.

Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
Every color, every race
They are covered by his grace
Jesus loves the little children of the world.

Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
Every country, everywhere
Jesus hears their every prayer
Jesus loves the little children of the world.

I'm working on coming up with a third verse, but it might be a while before I get it just right. I'll just keep singing to my baby. He doesn't mind.

What do you think? Any songs you know from childhood that should be revamped for today's kids?

refresher course

whoa. day one of teaching summer music school was today, and it was full! I was up the earliest I have been since choir tour.

One thing (kinda icky) that happens when I'm slightly nervous, but mostly when I'm teaching, is that I sweat. I actually purchased clinical strength Secret for my first year of teaching, and I needed it for the first few months. I eased up psychologically after that, and didn't really have as much need for it. The stick has been in my gym bag for a long time now... but it needs to come with me to school tomorrow. I feel more stressed with 20 middle schoolers in my classroom than I do with eighty senior high students.

I think one of the hardest things for me is the unexpected. I have trouble letting go of what I've planned or expected. Today was no different! I had been assigned four periods of classes - two sections of show choir, one of beginning voice, and one of musical theater vocal coaching. All of the classes were supposed to be small, with no more than 14 students per class. So why do I have 20 kids in my first class??? This does not work for my plan. I have to re-think and try again tomorrow with a new approach. Another surprise is that I have my show choir for two periods straight - same kids - for eighty minutes. I haven't ever seen a class that long outside of college... hoping I can manage it well enough so that they won't get bored and tired.

On to planning...

using our gifts

First, a random, recent apple pie I made. Consider this exhibit A: using my gifts. Ha. The hubby enjoyed this delicious offering.

Today's sermon was from Romans 12:3-8, which focuses on the different kinds of gifts that people are given. Some are gifted to teach, or lead, or speak - some are gifted to encourage, to be givers, to show mercy, to serve.

I've always known that I was good at music, and it has been in my heart to be a teacher - I just can't help teaching. To see if I was perceiving these things correctly, I took a few spiritual gifts tests.

The first lists my gifts as musicianship, leadership, and hospitality.
The second one again puts music at the top, followed by discernment, hospitality, wisdom, encouragement, and leadership. Teaching is much further down than I expected.
The third test ranks teaching first, administration second, and exhortation third.

Slightly surprising. But clarifying, I suppose.

I do see myself as a leader, and a person who can easily discern what is the best course of action. I have musical gifts, and I use them gladly. I love having people over at my house, and being surrounded by friends. And, of course, if I have knowledge to share, it's hard to help it!

I suppose these things should confirm for me that I'm in the right place. Conducting is a very leadership and administration based pursuit, but it's also relational. It combines facets of teaching and musicianship. It seems to be the right career for me, if I am to continue to pursue a career. Motherhood is still calling, and I don't know if I could give my best to both. Not a decision for today, though!

Happy Sunday to all.

an encouraging bit

My plans for tonight include going over music to prepare for Women's Choir rehearsal tomorrow. I'll be preparing a Herford analysis (Schenkerian analysis "lite" for those who are musically minded) so that I can get the pieces learned, and I'll be writing a rehearsal plan for about 25 minutes of class time. Not bad.

However, I had been feeling rather unmotivated, and was thus on Facebook and answering email and making a phone call about my vacuum. (There will be another post detailing the frustration that is the vacuum.)

A member of the Men's Choir, for which I was the assistant conductor last semester, contacted me in FB chat and said he wished I was still conducting Men's Choir. I was flattered, and asked about rehearsal. Evidently, it didn't go very well, since the new assistant conductor is new to conducting a choir. I was able to help the choir member to see that maybe the new conductor just needs some constructive feedback, and some encouragement. "Hmm - that's an idea!" he said. He seemed encouraged, himself. I am happy with how I handled myself as a teacher in this moment. I resisted the urge to dwell on comparisons between us, and let the student know that this new conductor really does want to do well. If only I could always be graceful, right?

And this is when I go back to work....or start, rather. :o)

finding balance

I had a couple of friends over for homemade pizza tonight - they each brought an ingredient, and I made the pizza dough. It turned out pretty well! I think I'll try preheating the pizza stone next time to try to get the crust crispier...

Finding the balance in my life right now is really tough. I start the day with my shower, breakfast, and devotions, like always, but then things just seem to go awry. I get wrapped up in stress as soon as I'm at school - I remember how much I hate research, I feel burdened with reading, I feel tired by noon and just want to go home. It's hard to remember what motivates me, why I'm actually there, and that this is temporary. I thought grad work would be an opportunity to study the things I enjoy, to spend time growing in what I enjoy: teaching. I was a bit confused, evidently.

Now I'm home, trying to get together enough gumption to go through the 70 pages of reading that were assigned for my 2-credit class that meets tomorrow evening. Oh, help me, Lord. I can't do this on my own.

sunday minus the sun

it was a long day for me - up early to do both services at church, and not only to be there, but to actually plan and participate in all the music for both services (which are completely different musical formats). herculean, if i do say so myself. things went pretty well...

lunch was less than spectacular, though my husband may beg to differ. i made omelettes that definitely were not photo-worthy, but tasted okay. i wish that i had taken the time to make a real Sunday dinner for him like i did all of last year. it was just too much to fit in today.

quarterly church meeting was tonight, and i was waaaay tired. had a tough time concentrating, and some disturbing acid reflux to complete the discomfort of being there. it's emotional to be there right now, knowing that we'll be leaving soon for a new town/school/church/home. transition isn't my favorite.

on positive notes, many people enjoyed the music this morning. i had specific compliments on my piano playing, which was extra nice. i got to burn my lilac-scented candle today - a spring-only sort of thing. my flowers outside look lovely. i got to wear a cute skirt this morning and enjoyed my preppy pink raincoat and argyle print umbrella. my husband loves and supports me. and I get to go to sleep now, knowing that tomorrow is a full day in which i will earn money at four different jobs, see a dress rehearsal for a friend's recital, and finally see my husband at 7:30pm.

grrrad school is almost here

from a frosty February morning, just outside our back door...



so i'm finished with all three applications, and i'm actually already accepted at one school. one audition down, two to go...i can't believe i'm almost through this process for the third time.

yes, the third time.

the first time was right after my senior year of college - i applied and auditioned at two schools and was not accepted at either. at the same time, i had also applied for and interviewed for five teaching jobs...and finally got one in august of that year.

i tried again for grad school at the end of the next school year, while i was teaching. i was accepted, though not for the program i really wanted to be a part of. i also was offered a complete assistantship, which would have covered all my tuition. that would've been sweet. however, i married my husband that summer and we moved to the city where he had been accepted to grad school - a great, prestigious place that really suited his career needs. i cried about my loss, but have been rejoicing in his gain.

now, it's my turn again. i've really lost a lot of confidence in the past few years - i'm not sure i can do this! i'm sure i have potential, but i've begun to second-guess myself. can i do this?

i hope so.

a new member of our household

Introducing: Oscar the Cat.

he's a five-pound ball of soft tabby fur, cuddly as can be, and hardly ever stops purring. my husband surprised me with him just a couple weeks ago! it has been fun to have "someone" at home with me while Brad is off at school and work all day.


it has been a long summer without having a job on the horizon. admittedly, i did have five good interviews, the most recent being last friday. however, none of them have turned out to be a job for me. it's disappointing, not to mention trying. i know many many people in our country have been jobless for much longer than me. i feel your pain. it's hard to admit that i'm on unemployment, that i'm going to try to get food stamps. it's hard to realize that this week, there's only $XXX in your bank account, and that rent is due next week. it's not enough.

nevertheless, i know that God will continue to provide for us. my husband has a part-time job in addition to his grad studies. that's pulling some in for us. i have a possibility of being the part-time worship music coordinator for our church, and that would be helpful, too.

we will see.

and on a completely different note, i made a glove. it's a fair first-attempt, i think. check it out! i used self-striping sock yarn...a fun choice, i think! the "trim" at the wrist is a k2tog, yo repetition.

me minus a job = God has other plans

but it doesn't mean i like it.
sure, this wasn't my favorite job, but i have been grateful for it. i'm thankful for the money that i made by doing this.
i feel angry at my managers for the way they handled this. not only did they give me just under 2 weeks notice, they then asked me to stay silent about it until today, when they announced that i was leaving at the weekly meeting. oh, and the reason? they're downsizing. the economy is poor. we have more staff per agents than other offices in other cities. we're not making as much as we used to. they're cutting my position and spreading out my jobs around the other staff members (who are already quite busy, thank you).

and all they said at the meeting: "she's leaving, she has some leads on jobs, and we wish her well." nothing about "our company is downsizing" or "this was not her decision." it makes me angry, because now i have 75 agents saying to me "oh, we'll miss you," "why are you leaving?," "do you have a teaching job?" No, actually, the truth is that i'm completely unemployed.
my husband is also unemployed.

this is when i have to thank God for the money he has allowed us to save, and that we will somehow make it through the summer, even if neither one of us gets a job.

breathing.

all that said, it hurts. i want to cry. i want to yell at them that this puts me in an extremely difficult situation, that my husband's grad school expenses and our housing have eaten most of my salary, that i'm not sure if i can make it through the summer even if i do get a teaching job for next fall. i feel angry, disappointed, dropped, discarded, worthless, and betrayed. not to mention scared.

i just want to cry, and i can't do that here. can i?

i realize that God has other plans, and that something will work out rather well for us. We need to try to trust Him. i know. it should be easy, right? He hasn't failed me, and I know He won't.

it still hurts.

happy saturday

mmmm. i had forgotten how nice it is to sleep until the moment i feel like waking up. the only sad thing about waking up was the headache i had and the absence of my husband snoring next to me. he had to leave early this morning for a tournament a few hours away. i was looking forward to a lazy saturday morning with my dear husband. well, anyway, i'll have time to do some knitting, get a little laundry in, and maybe even decorate some cookies. i'll call my friend Edna and see if she'd like to meet me at the shopping mall. i need some new shoes, since mine broke on the job thursday.

my cute little brown clogs, with comfortable heels and a little strap with a buckle, have been with me for a little more than six years. i bought them just before college, wore them everywhere, and they have survived a lot of scuffing, pounding, and teaching. thursday, as i was wearing them on the job, i managed to catch the buckle on a cabinet edge as i went by. the little elastic that holds the buckle on, and the leather itself, actually ripped so badly that it's beyond repair. i felt embarrassed, which is probably irrational, but i did. i wonder if i should buy the cheap new ones i saw at target, or if i should wait and try to find better ones at a department store somewhere. i wear a small size, and it's hard to find. most department stores don't actually carry the size, unless i try a children's size shoe. it's frustrating, but i like my little feet.

today's blessings: hot tea, cuddly soft sweatshirts, and flowers.