Festival of Hope

"Everyone needs compassion,
A love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.
Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Savior,
The Hope of Nations.

Savior, He can move the mountains.
My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave. "
- Laura Story, "Mighty to Save"

This coming Sunday afternoon, we have the opportunity to watch online as Samaritan's Purse gives us a glimpse of the hope they're bringing to the people of Haiti. They'll be streaming online starting at 1:30pm EST. Will you watch with me? I'm pretty sure my hubby won't be watching football, since the Bills' season is over...

The people of Haiti are living on hope. How can I be so upset here in the land of luxury? No, I probably can't get all the groceries I need next week, but I have a freezer full of meat and canned goods. We'll last just fine. I'm living in a real, brick and mortar house, not a blue tarp pulled over sticks. I'm not afraid that the roof is going to collapse on me. I still have my husband, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and even grandparents and our little furballs. I have an education, a computer, heat and electricity, and running water. Why is it so hard for me to be thankful?

I have a comfortable bed, more than (a lot more than) one set of clothes and shoes, jackets, and not one, but two cars. I have decorative dishes and not just clean water to drink, but juice and milk besides. I have fresh eggs in the fridge and fresh fruits and vegetables. I have a beautiful, peaceful view of the countryside, with no threat of war in my backyard.

I have so much to be thankful for. Praying that I have the strength to not complain about the difficult things, but to put them in God's hands. He's big enough to take care of my details. He knew me before I began. I can trust Him.

me minus a job = God has other plans

but it doesn't mean i like it.
sure, this wasn't my favorite job, but i have been grateful for it. i'm thankful for the money that i made by doing this.
i feel angry at my managers for the way they handled this. not only did they give me just under 2 weeks notice, they then asked me to stay silent about it until today, when they announced that i was leaving at the weekly meeting. oh, and the reason? they're downsizing. the economy is poor. we have more staff per agents than other offices in other cities. we're not making as much as we used to. they're cutting my position and spreading out my jobs around the other staff members (who are already quite busy, thank you).

and all they said at the meeting: "she's leaving, she has some leads on jobs, and we wish her well." nothing about "our company is downsizing" or "this was not her decision." it makes me angry, because now i have 75 agents saying to me "oh, we'll miss you," "why are you leaving?," "do you have a teaching job?" No, actually, the truth is that i'm completely unemployed.
my husband is also unemployed.

this is when i have to thank God for the money he has allowed us to save, and that we will somehow make it through the summer, even if neither one of us gets a job.

breathing.

all that said, it hurts. i want to cry. i want to yell at them that this puts me in an extremely difficult situation, that my husband's grad school expenses and our housing have eaten most of my salary, that i'm not sure if i can make it through the summer even if i do get a teaching job for next fall. i feel angry, disappointed, dropped, discarded, worthless, and betrayed. not to mention scared.

i just want to cry, and i can't do that here. can i?

i realize that God has other plans, and that something will work out rather well for us. We need to try to trust Him. i know. it should be easy, right? He hasn't failed me, and I know He won't.

it still hurts.