on body image

I've been hard on myself lately. At first, I celebrated because my physical recovery from labor and birth was easier than with my firstborn. I assumed that since it was easier, all the other things would also come quickly - like fitting back into regular pants.

And I've been disappointed and frustrated. I gained weight on my hips and thighs during this pregnancy, whereas I had not when I carried my son. It will be a longer process of exercise and healthy eating to get this weight off, and for now, it's not very possible for me to get much extra exercise in! And I'm sleep deprived and fighting a cold, so I'm resting as much as I can. Not a very helpful situation that way!

In the meantime, my husband has continued to praise me and say he loves the way I look. He likes the yoga pants. It's okay that I'm not the same shape. He loves me.

I know that I am loved and that my body did a beautiful thing in giving life to this little girl, and that it continues to do an amazing thing in nourishing her and providing the comfort she and her big brother need. The loads of laundry, hugs, diaper changes, clothing changes, swaddles, tossing footballs, coloring with crayons, cooking meals, wiping faces and dozens of messes are my gift to my children and my husband. Their clean faces and content smiles are the evidence of the work my body has done for them. Why should I be so hard on myself that it's not the shape I had hoped so soon?

I need patience and grace to wait and work through this time. I need to focus on the little things, the beautiful, good, wonderful things. The pounds gained by my chubby little cherub. The smiles and silly laughs of my toddler. The hugs and reassurance of my husband. The love and support of friends. The beauty of redemption and self sacrifice.

Breathing and trusting that things will be well. That all things are beautiful in their time, and that I will again reach my personal goals. All will be well.

resolved.

I know, many of you have probably already read someone else's post about their New Year's resolutions. Here's another one, anyway. It helps to "say" it "out loud" to someone!

I'm resolving to...

keep a body/health/nutrition/medication/exercise journal to track what I'm eating, how my body feels, and to try to determine more exactly what my food allergies are, how I'm responding to medication, and if stress is responsible for some of my symptoms

exercise more times a week, striving for at least five

treat my husband with more love, more kindness, more patience, more understanding

find balance between work, school, home, family, personal needs, and friends

read my through-the-Bible in a year plan again, but more faithfully

not place too much emphasis on my performance, but on my character, striving for godliness rather than for perfection

be more thankful and positive

slow down and rest more often

take more pictures, paint more pictures, create some form of art each day

speak out about my faith more clearly

Will you hold me up in prayer about one or two of these things? I would appreciate it!

Happy New Year!

I did it.

I fit in Pilates today. You may now congratulate me.

** applause **

It has been a few weeks since I've done Pilates, which should really happen every single day. Not to mention that I haven't been to the gym in more than a week. Bad. I'm going tomorrow - promise. Exercising helps with my stress management, and I really should see it as essential, just as essential as eating and sleeping.

My (admittedly ambitious) plan is to do Pilates every evening when I come home, to go to the gym for cardio every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, and to do the total body at-home workout I found on Pinterest in the mornings. Maybe you saw that? It's the one that includes doing 50 jumping jacks, sets of pushups, crunches, squats, planks, etc.

And why am I being so ambitious? Well, 1. I know I'll need to boost my endorphins because of the stress I'm facing in this situation 2. It's cold in this house because I don't like to pay for the exorbitantly expensive electric heat 3. Exercise helps me stay energized and motivated 4. I sleep better 5. It helps me to release stress without negativity 6. I need to lose the 5-8 pounds I've gained since I started this bc pill (amazingly, hubby thinks I still look great. I am very thankful for this - he is a blessing to me).

So support me in this? I'm gonna try my best. It will be hard to choose the time to do exercise over the work that must be done for school, the housework that needs to be done, trotting all over blog land, creating Christmas presents, and the other, four-legged and furry distractions.

Trying.
Hoping.
Praying.
Success?